Texting While Dating

by Dr. Aesha on July 28, 2014

 

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Texting While Dating

By: Dr. Aesha

 

Texting while driving is illegal where I’m from. So why isn’t texting while dating?

I know we’ve all seen it. The couple at a restaurant or coffee shop, who instead of getting lost in one another’s gaze, are crouched over their smartphones, lost in a virtual world of memes, tweets and split second updates.

Maybe we’re all guilty of it. I know I’ve done it during date nights with my husband and during family outings.

So I’m not throwing shade, here, I just want to get to the bottom of why we do this. If someone were talking on the phone while we were on a date, we’d considered it rude. But swiping a smartphone is considered normal.

Perhaps texting while dating reflects a deeper problem of how we define connection these days. We like the idea of feeling connected to anyone, any place at any moment. I mean we take our phones everywhere (tell me you don’t take it to the bathroom when you have to go?)

We use emoticons and selfies to help us communicate our feelings online. And how many times have you used LOL even if you didn’t crack a smile?

Real connection requires intimacy and intimacy requires real conversation. You have to get to know someone in order to really know someone.

Maybe the problem is how we define and actually DO dating. With online dating apps like Tinder, you can make snap judgments about someone with a swipe of the finger. Emails and text messages can trap you in a virtual relationship that never moves beyond the screen.

So, what should we do about it?

What if you made date night a “no phone zone?” Put your phone away, unless of course you’re on a date with a crazy person, like the sista who told me a man some friends set her up with arrived at her house sloppy drunk! In that case, you’d need your phone to text a friend to pick you up.

Otherwise, let’s all agree to exchange our smartphones for real conversation, at least on date night.

 

What do you think?  Share your thoughts below!

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How To Bounce Back From Rejection

by Dr. Aesha on July 24, 2014

 

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How To Bounce Back From Rejection

 

By Dr. Aesha

 

The memories came rushing back, but they were bittersweet this time.

 

It had lost its sparkle, even though I was holding it up against the sunlight that was streaming through my room. The joy I once associated with it had turned into numbness, but if I focused really intensely, I could call up the heartbreak and rejection.

 

“Humph,” I said, as I closed the little gray box. It still made a squeaky sound before it slammed shut. This time, though, instead of nestling it back in the keepsake box I hid under my bed, I tossed it on my dresser.

I had decided to give the engagement ring away to a friend who needed some extra money. She could sell it, pawn it, melt it, do whatever the heck she wanted to with it. After four years of holding on to these memories, I was ready to let it all go.

 

At that moment, I knew that I was ready to bounce back from rejection. Ironically, what drove me to purge my life of this symbol of a broken engagement was another failed relationship.

 

Rejection sucks. But it’s a part of the process of falling in love and staying in love.

 

I’ve spoken to many people lately, both men and women, who have revealed they are struggling with rejection. “I guess I was born to be single,” they say. “I’m tired of putting my heart out there, only to be disappointed over and over.”

 

I understand. But ponder this:

 

If you had food poisoning at a restaurant, you wouldn't swear off food for the rest of your life, would you? You'd just choose a better restaurant next time. So why are you swearing off love after a bad experience?

 

If you’re not ready to get your heart broken, you’re not ready for love. Seriously. Even in a marriage, rejection happens. The husband feels it when his wife doesn’t initiate sex. The wife feels it when her husband doesn’t listen to her. There are so many ways we feel rejected by the people we want to be close to.

 

To bounce back from rejection, you need the right mindset and a little help from friends.

 

1)  Find an advocate. When you’re at your lowest point, you need a friend to text you and say, "You are worth loving.”

 

2)   Keep a "note to self" in your pocket, reminding yourself of 3 great things you love about yourself.

 

3)   Give yourself permission to do whatever it takes to get over the rejection (unless, of course it involves slashing tires. Seriously, I wanted to do that to an ex!)

 

4)   Tell yourself you are willing to have your heart broken in order to find love. If you’re not, you’ll become guarded and defensive and will stay stuck.

 

Trying to prevent rejection isn’t possible, but you can and you will bounce back! 

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Love And Money: What You Need To Know But No One Ever Tells You

July 21, 2014

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When Your Partner’s Family Doesn’t Like You

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The Secret To Successful Long-Term Relationships

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Tips For Handling Difficult Conversations

July 10, 2014

Tips For Handling Difficult Conversations By: Dr. Aesha "We need to talk." Those 4 words usually are a sign that the conversation is about to be a difficult one. I know I don't like it when someone annouces they'd like to talk to me, but won't tell me the reason why.  My heart is racing. […]

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Refer-A-Man $100 Referral Program

July 9, 2014

  Could you use an extra $100?  I'm so excited to announce our Refer-A-Man matchmaking referral program! As my matchmaking business continues to grow, I'm constantly looking for good men to introduce to my clients. Think about your friend, family member or colleague who is commitment-minded, over the age of 30 and lives in the US, […]

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What’s Your Type? How Personality Affects Your Relationship

July 7, 2014

  What's Your Type? How Personality Affects Your Relationship By: Dr. Aesha When I ask a matchmaking client, "what's your type?" they tend to tell me physical qualities of the kind of person they are attracted to. But that's not what I mean when I ask that question. I'm asking if he knows his own personality […]

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How To Get What You Need In A Relationship

July 3, 2014

How To Get What You Need In A Relationship By: Dr. Aesha "I think I married the wrong man." I was shocked, but continued listening as this sister poured her heart out to me. "He doesn't give me the intimacy I need. I've talked to him over and over again about it, but he won't […]

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Ask Dr. Aesha: Should I Take A Break From Dating?

June 29, 2014

Ask Dr. Aesha: Should I Take A Break From Dating? By: Dr. Aesha A common question I get from people is "Should I take a break from dating?"  These people are either burned out on online dating, coming out of a long relationship or divorce, or scared to get back into the dating game and they're confused […]

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