deltasone overdose

5 Signs Your Standards Are Too High In Dating

by Dr. Aesha on December 15, 2014

bigstock Sexy stylish beautiful African 62241473 300x300 5 Signs Your Standards Are Too High In Dating

5 Signs Your Standards Are Too High In Dating

By: Dr. Aesha

You've probably heard people tell you to raise your standards if you want to attract the right man into your life. I'm here to tell you that if you're still single when you don't want to be, the problem may be that your standards are too high!

Here are 5 signs your standards are too high in dating:

1. You expect the other person to be on the same spiritual level as you

I recently heard a pastor say that out of all the married couples she and her husband have counseled, none of them have ever been in the same place spiritually at the same time.

As a married woman I have discovered this to be true. There have been times when I had to encourage my husband and other times when his faith was stronger than mine!

Don't overlook a potential partner just because his relationship with God doesn't look like your relationship with God.

2. You expect the other person to have the same interests as you

I chatted with a woman on a plane once who was going through a divorce. She told me her next relationship would have to be with someone who liked to read books and who enjoyed quiet weekends at home just like she did.

I told her that would make for one BORING relationship! It's great to share common interests with someone, but the fact that you and your partner both like the same things won't determine compatibility.

3. You have a (long) checklist of things a potential partner must fulfill 

I heard a woman say she had a list of questions she'd ask a man before she'd even go out with him. She wanted to know his credit score, whether he had a  5-year financial plan, and how he treated his mama before she'd accept a simple coffee date!

It's ok to be picky in dating… if you know what to be picky about!

A man with a high credit score doesn't necessarily make him a good date or a great partner. A man with a low credit score doesn't necessarily make him a bad partner. Why? Because a credit score can change!

Things that can be fixed shouldn't be a dealbreaker in relationships. (This includes bad breath, bad clothing, bad table manners, bad hair, etc). 

If you're going to have a checklist, focus on things that matter in a relationship.

4. You won't go out with someone who isn't your type. 

I had a matchmaking client pass up on a man who had EVERYTHING she wanted because he wasn't her type. I calmly pointed out to her that her type was an emotionally unavailable bad boy who left her heartbroken and confused.

It's one thing to not feel any attraction for a person. But if your type never results in a healthy relationship, it's time to loosen up a bit.

I encourage my clients to date outside their type at least once. Love comes in unexpected packages!

If your standards are too high they will become stumbling blocks. By asking you to lower your standards, I'm not asking you to settle. I'm challenging you to compromise on the things you think are necessary to be happy so you can find the relationship of your dreams.

 

share medium 5 Signs Your Standards Are Too High In Dating

{ 0 comments }

 

bigstock Confused Black Woman 12040076 300x200 How To Answer The Question Why Are You Still Single?

How To Answer The Question "Why Are You Still Single?" 

By: Dr. Aesha

 

The holidays can be hard when you're still single. All of the parties and "he went to Jared, every kiss begins with Kay" engagment commercials can be a constant reminder that you haven't found The One yet. 

I know what it's like. I went through a holiday breakup and a disappointing Christmas with a fiance where I could tell by the gift he gave me that his feelings for me had changed. 

I also know what it's like to be sitting around the dinner table with your aunties and Mama 'nem  and out of the blue, somebody says, "So…why are you still single? When are you gonna get a man? (Or if you have a man, they'll ask when are you getting married, when are you gonna have kids…)" 

Don't you hate that question? It makes you feel judged. You get tired of having to defend your life and give an answer to every person.

I know you really want to say, "It's none of your business!" but unless you want your family to clutch their pearls and give you the sideye, I'd like to suggest three ways to handle the "Why are you still single" question this holiday:

1) Own it!

Take ownership of your singleness. (It's not a curse, you know!) Tell your Auntie 'nem you're still single because you don't want to make any mistakes. You know that every second with the wrong person is a second you can't spend with the right person. Then, tell them you're looking for the right person and ask, "Do you know anyone?" 

2) Understand it 

Unless they're just nosey gossipers, your family is really asking you this question from a geniune place of concern. They want to see you happy and just don't know how else to say it. The point is you don't have to get defensive. Make sure you don't tell yourself any stories about what this question means such as, "There must be something wrong with me." It's just a question. 

3) Work on it

Take time during the holidays to work on yourself. If you don't enjoy being single, it's time to figure out why. Are you getting in your own way? Have you given up on love? Do you need to get back online and date again? Maybe you need to learn how to fall in love with yourself. Remember the happier you are, the more attractive you'll be! 

I want you to enjoy this season! There's nothing wrong with you if you're still single, and if I have anything to do with it, you won't be single this time next year icon smile How To Answer The Question Why Are You Still Single?

Did this article help you? Please share it with your friends on your favorite social media site! 

share medium How To Answer The Question Why Are You Still Single?

{ 0 comments }

Ask Dr. Aesha: Is It Wrong For Me To Date More Than One Man At Once?

November 26, 2014

  Ask Dr. Aesha: Is It Wrong For Me To Date More Than One Man At Once? By: Dr. Aesha Hi Aesha. I have a 3 point question: I know the answers but I want your professional feedback and your readers' opinions. I have only been back on the dating scene since the summer. I was […]

Share
Read the full article →

Top 5 Reasons You Need A Matchmaker and Dating Coach

November 24, 2014

  Top 5 Reasons You Need A Matchmaker and Dating Coach By: Dr. Aesha When people hear what I do for a living, I get a variety of responses.  Some people are curious. Others get defensive and think I'm trying to say something is wrong with them. They assume that when I hand them a business card, I'm […]

Share
Read the full article →

Does Looking For Love Make You Desperate?

November 19, 2014

Does Looking For Love Make You Desperate?  By: Dr. Aesha Serena Williams' love life was the center of attention on the Wendy Williams show this week. During "Hot Topics," Wendy revealed that Serena stated that she is "desperate for a relationship" and wants to start a family. In short, Serena wants a man and she's […]

Share
Read the full article →

#MCM: Is The Idris Elba Syndrome Ruining Your Love Life?

November 17, 2014

    #MCM: Is The Idris Elba Syndrome Ruining Your Love Life? By Dr. Aesha "Oooooh, girl, he’s so fine! Lord, can you make mine like this?!" This was the way my single girlfriends and I talked to each other after watching a movie with Morris Chestnut in it. Back in the early 2000s, you couldn’t […]

Share
Read the full article →

Secrets From The Barbershop: 9 Signs A Man Is Ready For A Relationship

November 11, 2014

Secrets From The Barbershop: 9 Signs A Man Is Ready For A Relationship By: Dr. Aesha Now that I’m Team Natural, I get my hair cut at the barbershop. And sistas, you won’t believe the secrets I get to hear when I’m there! (Yes, the guys talk about relationships when you’re not around). I recently […]

Share
Read the full article →

The #1 Reason Why Christian Women Stay Single

October 29, 2014

    The #1 Reason Why Christian Women Stay Single By: Dr. Aesha The other day I received this question in my inbox: "What do you actually have to do as a single Christian young woman to meet your man. Wait? Or is there are something else?" With so many Christian singles hearing dating advice like […]

Share
Read the full article →

Is Dating Harder For Smart Successful Single Sistas?

October 26, 2014

Is Dating Harder For Smart, Successful Single Sistas? By: Dr. Aesha   "In the dating world, I'm not sure that there is a lonelier space than that of the highly educated, successful black woman." ~Commentor on a HuffPost article about online dating and Black women   The cold wind whipped through my fuchsia colored trench […]

Share
Read the full article →

How A Caramel Macchiato Changed My Life

October 18, 2014

How A Caramel Macchiato Changed My Life By: Dr. Aesha The day your life changes feels just like any other day.  Around this time 9 years ago, I had just moved back home to the Midwest to finish up my dissertation and teach at the university where I'd completed my bachelor's degree.  To say I […]

Share
Read the full article →