Why Men Don't See You As Girlfriend Material
By: Dr. Aesha
This may sound harsh, but when a quality man–a GOOD man–disappears on you, it's for a reason. Sometimes it's because it's just not a match.
But if you're like some of my clients who wonder why he stopped calling after a great date (or if he didn't even call you in the first place), or why he could spend months or even years with you without ever committing, there's usually some signal you're sending that's shutting things down.
Take, for example, my friend Ruby. She's a close friend and client who recently had a big breakthrough. An "Aha-moment" as Oprah would call it
Ruby is over 40, never married, no kids, and losing hope that it will ever happen.
Her last relationship ended because he still wasn't ready for a commitment. The problem was she'd given her all to this guy. Cooking for him (she NEVER did that with any other boyfriend) and rearranging her schedule to be with him. She was acting like a wife before there was even a sign that he was her real boyfriend!
She came to me for help getting back on the dating scene and to figure out how to get men to commit to her.
After a few minutes of coaching, I discovered some core beliefs Ruby had that were getting in her way:
- She was taught by her traditional parents to never chase a man
- She felt like starting a conversation, flirting, and wearing dresses & heels made her desperate for attention from men, so she just didn't feel comfortable doing it.
- She spent most of her time at home, work and church and couldn't figure out why men didn't approach her when they saw her.
- She expected a man to show her how interested he was in her by doing ALL the calling, texting and planning. If he didn't call for a few days, she pretended she didn't care and stopped showing interest.
- She felt "awkward" on first dates and didn't know how to keep the conversation going. The conversation always stayed on the surface with things like work, hobbies and interests.
- When she met men online, they just wanted to "meet up" and would either ask to hook up with her on the first text or eventually ask for money.
Can you figure out what Ruby's problem was?
Ruby's core belief that "good girls don't chase men" was preventing her from being fun, flirty, passionate, open and vulnerable with the right men who would see her as girlfriend material.
To those men she was coming off as insecure, intimidating and nonchalant. In other words, she didn't seem interested, so they weren't interested!
Instead, she was attracting and choosing men who fit her expectations of how men should behave. They wrote her online first, called her, even spent time with her, but they were emotionally unavailable!
Ruby's thoughts, feelings and core beliefs based on her life experiences were blocking her from love!
Her plan of action was to begin retraining her brain and get out of her own way so she could become a Man Magnet!
If you're like Ruby and you're ready to stop attracting the wrong men and start attracting men who are ready for relationships and see you as the one for them …
If you want to make this year, your year to find Mr. Right
If you're ready to make a change…
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