wedding anniversary 202x300 My Story Of How I Met & Married My Husband In 11 Months

My Story Of How I Met & Married My Husband In 11 Months

By: Dr. Aesha

He walked into the room like he owned it.

“Who is THAT?” I said to myself.

I had no idea someone that handsome was on campus. He was the epitome of masculinity. It wasn’t just the fact that he was wearing his naval officer’s uniform. It was the way he commanded the room, as though his presence meant we were all under his protection.

The day I met my husband almost didn’t happen, however. 

I was invited to attend the New Faculty Luncheon hosted by the Dean, but I’d decided not to go. I was tired of attending all these Let’s Celebrate The Beginning of the School Year events. I just wanted to get to work. At the last minute I decided to just suck it up and go to the little luncheon.

I was on a dissertation fellowship and my goal was to finish my project, teach a class, and then find a job so I could move back to Charlotte, North Carolina, where I was certain I would find my husband. As far as I was concerned Milwaukee didn’t have any marriageable men so I didn’t want to stay there!

But meeting this man changed my attitude, little by little. 

We didn’t exchange numbers when we first met. In fact, he barley smiled at me even though I sat across the table from him during the luncheon. We had a brief conversation on the walk back to campus, during which I discovered we attended the same church. I found out later he didn’t want his Executive Officer, who was standing there smirking at him, thinking he was fraternizing while on duty, so we said our goodbyes and that was that. 

Or so I thought. 

A few weeks later, I told my mentor about him. She was not-so-secretly trying to find me a husband so I’d stay in Milwaukee and work for the university.

She played matchmaker and dropped in his office one day. She taught in the room next to his office and decided to name drop. She peeked her head in his room and said, “Hi! Aesha Adams told me she met you," and just walked away. 

My husband told me later that he thought to himself, “Hmmmm. . . she must be talking about me. . . let me send her an email.”

The next thing I know, I got a message in my inbox: “If you ever want to get out of your cubicle and take a break from writing, let me know.”

If we had emoticons back then, my reply would have been full of them. Instead, I just used a bunch of exclamation points to tell him I’d LOVE to go to lunch or coffee. 

He picked coffee. 

As we sipped carmel macchiatos that October day, I asked him to tell me about his life as a naval officer, his deployment to Japan, what it felt like to grow up with three older sisters and more. 

The rest, as they say, is history. 

Eight years, two kids and a heart full of love later, the main question on my mind is . . .

What if…?

  • What if I’d decided my work was more important than going out to meet new people at a luncheon?
  • What if I thought Roy wasn’t interested in me because he didn’t ask me for my phone number when we first met? 
  • What if I didn’t tell my mentor about meeting Roy because I didn’t want her to think I was desperate to find a man?
  • What if I was too nervous on our first coffee date and ended up being so self-conscious that I didn’t make a connection? 
  • What if I’d stuck with my belief that there were no good men in my city?
  • What if I held on to all the heartache, disappointment, fear and rejection from my past instead of seeing it all as a gift from God to help prepare me for the amazing life I now have with my husband?

What if you're reading this now because God wants you to believe again, to hope again, to try again, to love again?

Love is closer than you think! It's time to get ready icon smile My Story Of How I Met & Married My Husband In 11 Months

With love, 

Dr. Aesha

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4 Reasons Why He Won’t Commit

by Dr. Aesha on August 28, 2014

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4 Reasons Why He Won't Commit

By: Dr. Aesha

Do you ever feel like you're dating a wishy washy man? One day you're in a relationship.  The next day he isn't ready to commit. One day he loves you. The next day he wants to take it slow.

Why won't he just seal the deal and commit?  And what should you do when you find yourself in this situation?

I want to take you into the mind of men and share how they think about commitment. Of course not all men think alike, but after interviewing men over the last 4 years, I've watched them open up and share their man secrets. They tell me things they'd never share with you.

For example, the other day the cashier at the grocery store asked me what I did for a living.

As soon as he heard I was a matchmaker, he opened up his heart right there in the 12 Items or Less Express line, and told me about his latest fight with his girlfriend.

"I've been married twice and I'm dating someone now. She wants to get married which is understandable since she's getting older. I'm just unsure. . . "

His commitment issues have caused them to break up several times. You can tell he loved her and he even tried couples counseling to work on their relationship. But he's still hasn't put a ring on it.

The truth is, many men are relationship-minded and want marriage, so when they hesitate to commit, there's a deeper reason.

Here are the top 4 reasons that I've discovered from my interviews with men:

1) He's afraid of making the wrong decision

He understands how serious marriage is and doesn't want to enter in to it lightly. Even if he's never been married before, he may hesitate because he wants to be sure he's making the right choice.

2) He hasn't gotten over the last person who broke his heart

If there's one thing I know for sure, men hate rejection. Fear of rejection is just one reason why a man might not commit fully to you, especially if he's been through bad breakups in the past.

3) He likes you, but he thinks he "might" be able to find someone he likes better

Online dating has created this illusion of endless options for singles (even though you and I know online dating is tough!) So even if a man likes you, he may think there's someone better around the corner.

4) He likes things the way they are

If you've been waiting for a ring for 3 years or more, chances are your man is comfortable with the relationship the way it is. And because you haven't left, he assumes you are happy too!

If you're dating someone who won't commit the issue isn't with you. It's all about what's going on in his head and heart. You can be the best girlfriend–nurturing, attentive, loving, and supportive–but if in his heart he's struggling with any of these issues, it won't matter what is going on in his head. He may know logically that you're a great catch, but in his heart he's unsure. When the head and heart conflict, the heart always wins!

Some of the reasons men won't commit can be overcome with patience. You may be ready for marriage after 1 year of dating, whereas he needs a little more time.

Other times you may need to create a little distance in the relationship so he realizes what he'll miss if he doesn't commit to you. For example, he shouldn't get exclusive access to your time if he's not going to commit to dating you exclusively.

Finally, if a committed relationship is what you want, don't be afraid to ask for it. If he's serious about you, he shouldn't be surprised when you have "The Talk," and he'll step up. If he doesn't, then it's time for you to move on.

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Should You Get Rid Of Your Ideal Man List?

August 25, 2014

  Should You Get Rid Of Your Ideal Man List? By: Dr. Aesha Chances are if you're serious about relationships and you're looking for the perfect partner, you probably have "The List." As a matchmaker and dating coach, I feel obligated to tell you the truth:  If you want to find your dream man, you've […]

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3 Tips For Single Parent Dating

August 14, 2014

3 Tips For Single Parent Dating By: Dr. Aesha I just got a question in my "Ask Dr. Aesha" mailbag. It's from a single dad who is back on the dating scene after a divorce. He asked: "I have 3 kids (I’m divorced) and I’m dating someone with no kids. When is the appropriate time […]

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The Two Most Important Skills You Need To Be Happy In Relationships

August 11, 2014

The Two Most Important Skills You Need To Be Happy In Relationships By: Dr. Aesha She instantly came out of her downward spiral of panic when I told my 30-something, never-been-married coaching client this: "There's nothing wrong with you. You just lack some important dating and relationship skills. If you can learn how to drive, then you […]

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Ask Dr. Aesha: “I’m back on the dating scene and I don’t know where to start. HELP!!!”

August 7, 2014

    Ask Dr. Aesha: “I’m back on the dating scene and I don’t know where to start. HELP!!!” By: Dr. Aesha I got this urgent message the other day: "I'm back on the dating scene and I don't know where to start. HELP!!!" ~Akosua ******  Hey Akosua! I’m so glad you wrote me with […]

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Are There Any Good Men Out There?

August 6, 2014

  Are There Any Good Men Out There?  By: Dr. Aesha   You've been on my mind the past few days. It's like I can feel the struggle inside of you.    If you're a single woman and you're thinking about taking my new 6 week online dating coaching program, I know what you're thinking.   […]

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Does Texting Ruin Relationships?

July 31, 2014

Does Texting Ruin Relationships? By: Dr. Aesha I’m a modern woman but I think I still have some old fashioned values. As a result, there are some relationship trends I believe should just go away. Like women proposing to men. Or men using a spreadsheet to track all the excuses his wife gives for not […]

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Texting While Dating

July 28, 2014

    Texting While Dating By: Dr. Aesha   Texting while driving is illegal where I’m from. So why isn’t texting while dating? I know we’ve all seen it. The couple at a restaurant or coffee shop, who instead of getting lost in one another’s gaze, are crouched over their smartphones, lost in a virtual […]

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How To Bounce Back From Rejection

July 24, 2014

  How To Bounce Back From Rejection   By Dr. Aesha   The memories came rushing back, but they were bittersweet this time.   It had lost its sparkle, even though I was holding it up against the sunlight that was streaming through my room. The joy I once associated with it had turned into numbness, but if I […]

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