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Single Ladies: Are You A Great Date?

by Dr. Aesha on June 29, 2015

bigstock Couple Enjoying Drink At Bar W 58863545 Single Ladies: Are You A Great Date?

Single Ladies: Are You A Great Date? 

By: Dr. Aesha

I recently asked the fellas to step up and put the date back into dating. Now I’d like to talk to the sisters about how to be a great date!

As a professional matchmaker, it’s my job to interview men about what they’re looking for in a mate. And honey, I’ve heard some amazing stories about women’s bad behavior on dates that cause men to disappear!

I call these dating disconnects and I want to help you avoid them so that you can be seen as a great date by the man you want to pursue you!

1) Be a great flirt

How are your flirting skills? I know, I know: Your mama may have told you good girls don’t chase men and you don’t want to be seen as “that” chick who is doing too much and looking thirsty. But here’s the deal. Flirting isn’t about being seductive. It’s about inspiring curiosity in a man so that you create a real connection with him. Then you’ll have the chance to build chemistry with him.

You have to be playful, authentic and confident if you want that handsome, high-quality man to stop in his tracks and think “who is that?!”

2) Be accepting and open

You’ve probably been taught to treat a date like an interview so that you screen out the wrong men and find the man who is husband material. As a result, you focus on asking “the right questions” to see where he stands on relationships.

The problem is you end up judging men by how well they measure up to your checklist. Analyzing a man isn’t exciting, nor is it magnetic.

In fact, you can push away the right men from you because you’re asking the wrong questions! The men have told me they’ve had women ask them why they don’t have any kids (as in, “are you infertile?”), why they aren’t married yet (really?!), and how much money they make in their job.

Instead of being judgmental, be curious. Gather all your information and after the date, make a decision about whether you want to see the man again.

3) Be a good conversationalist 

I’ve had sisters tell me they have “no problem” having a conversation with a man, yet they get stuck trying to figure out what to ask him while they’re on a date.

A good conversationalist is able to be present, ask good questions and listen well. Being present is all about focusing on the moment (and not on the future you are trying to imagine with him.

4) Be fascinated by him

This simply means your body language and facial expressions show that you are curious about the person sitting in front of you. You understand that even if you don’t want to see him again, and even if he’s not as attractive as you’d like, he’s a person worth listening to who has had experiences in life that you haven’t. Give him your full attention.

This was the big secret to my love story. On our first coffee date, we sat in Starbucks for hours and I asked him about what it was like for him to live in Japan , what life was like with 3 older sisters, how he felt growing up as a preachers’ kid. I was geninuely interested and fascinated by his stories. As we got to know each other, my husband said, “Wow, you’re so encouraging!” And I’d barely said anything to him. I made him feel special and important just by listening to him.

If you want to be a great date, smile easily. Make him feel comfortable and laugh at his jokes. Be curious about him and don’t look uninterested.

5) Be dressed to the nines

You want to be dressed to the nines for your date! Here’s why: You want to communicate that you are comfortable in the skin you’re in so that you’re confident from the moment you walk in the door.

Create a dating wardrobe that’s different from your church or work attire. All your girlfriends’ may think your outfit is CUTE but you want to think about what men is appealing to men. I suggest you get a consultation with an image consultant who can help you put together outfits that are right for your body type, colors that make you glow, and a style that makes heads turn everywhere you go!

When you are a great date, you’ll attract the attention of the right man who will pursue you. You'll have men making plans to see you again before the date is over!

Want to hear directly from 3 good men what they look for in a wife? Click here to download your copy of my popular audiobook, Inside The Mind Of Men: What Men Think About Love & Marriage. It's only $7 for a limited timeGrab your copy here now!

Tell me, sisters, are you a great date? 

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bigstock Couple Toasting With Wine 6856598 Let’s Put The Date Back Into Dating: The 4 Stages to a Successful Courtship

Let’s Put The Date Back Into Dating: The 4 Stages to a Successful Courtship

By: Dr. Aesha

Call me old-fashioned, but I think it’s time we put the “date” back in dating!

Dating is more complicated these days because singles have replaced talking with texting, going out with hanging out, and romance with rushing to hook up.

So I’m asking the men: Please step up and lead the way. Now I know the sisters have some work to do to be better dates, and don’t worry, I have some tips to give them in the next article. But fellas, the sisters have been telling me how you’ve been acting on dates. It’s some crazy, jaw-dropping stuff! We can do better.

Let’s start at the beginning and move through the different stages of courtship.

  1. Make a good first impression.

If you’re using online dating to meet women, please know that every sister on these sites isn’t there to hook up! And please, don’t say you’re looking for a serious relationship when you’re not. The sisters don’t appreciate you wasting their time.

They also don’t want to see photos of you in your sweaty gym clothes or with your arm around another sister, standing on the altar at church! Who is that woman? The sister can’t tell if she’s your ex-girlfriend or the pastor’s wife!

You’re on a dating site, so please put your best foot forward. The sisters are thinking about what a date with you would be like and you in that all-purple suit you wore on Easter ain’t cutting it!

Take some professional photos, hire an image consultant who can make sure your swag is on point and use casual selfies of you in your bathroom sparingly. You’ve only got a few seconds to impress a lady online. Don’t waste them.

Click here to continue reading at BlackAndMarriedWithKids.Com

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