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bigstock Romantic couple dancing and sm 67140208 1 300x200 Myth Busted: You Dont Have To Get Your Life Together Before Dating

Myth Busted: You Don't Have To Get Your Life Together Before Dating

By: Dr. Aesha


In a recent article on The Root, a man confessed that he hasn't had a girlfriend in 16 years! "What people don't understand is that my income isn't as high as many would expect, and it makes me feel insecure about how women may view my current professional station in life," he wrote.

At first I thought his insecurity was personal. He just needs to be more confident, I said. Quit trying to date women who are out of his league and start focusing on the women who do want him, I thought.  

But then I realized that this brotha is struggling with a big myth that says you have to get your life together BEFORE you can be worthy of love. 

This cultural myth says you're supposed to have your money, career, and fitness goals checked off a list, and so should your partner. 

  • The Law of Attraction folks say you need to become who you want to attract.
  • Your mama (or daddy) says you need to find a man you can respect.
  • Your girlfriends say you shouldn't have to take care of a man.
  • Your pastor says God won't bless you with a mate from you until you get your life together. 
  • You say you worked hard to lose weight, get out of debt, climb the corporate ladder, build a business, etc., etc., and you deserve a man who has big goals like you. 

I mean, being on the same level is what makes a true partnership, right? 


A true partnership is one where kindness, acceptance, widsom, grace, and forgiveness exists. It is a safe place for each individual to grow and become all that God created them to be.

A true partnership is about who you are becoming, not what you are doing. However, there's this pressure for men to have it all together before they should even think about marriage, and sadly, I believe many women have gotten caught up in spreading this message. Now trust me. I'm not saying you should date someone who is irresponsible, self-centered, immature or needy! 

What I am saying is that we need to get back to the basics.  A partnership is about growing together and creating something amazing together. That means the person you meet may not have it all together right now, but if he has the right heart, he may be the right man for you.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Share them below! 



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bigstock Couple Enjoying Drink At Bar W 58863545 300x200 3 Creative Ways To Meet Men Youve Probably Never Thought About

3 Creative Ways To Meet Men You've Probably Never Thought About

By: Dr. Aesha

Do you hate online dating? Prefer to meet men the old-fashioned way, but it seems like everywhere you go you only meet men who are too old, too married, too young, or too undateable? If you're wondering where all the high-quality men are, it's time to take matters into your own hands.

That's what my roommate and I did when we were single. We grew tired of waiting on the guys we liked to ask us out, so we decided to host a barbeque at our home. We invited them over, along with a few more single men and women from church, ate good food, watched movies and had a good time getting to know each other!

In other words, we didn't leave our love lives to chance. We created our own opportunities to mix and mingle with eligible men. You can too with these 3 creative ways to meet men.

1) Brown Sugar Parties

My matchmaking colleague, Paul C Brunson, told me about an idea he and his wife created to help their single friends meet each other. They hosted "brown sugar parties" at their home. The idea was to bring drinks made with brown sugar and get people together. Now I personally don't drink, so if I were to use this idea, I would require everyone to bring some baked goodies that were made with brown sugar AND they'd have to bring a cutie who looked like brown sugar too!

2) SWARM Parties

I recently heard Dr. Henry Cloud teach singles to stop using the excuse "there are no good men." He told a story of a group of women who created their own organization called S.W.A.R.M.: Single Women Actively Recruiting Men. To be a part of the group, you had to recruit and bring a guy with you to each event. This man could be someone you weren't necessarily interested in, but who could be a match for someone else!

3) "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner" Parties

This is a fun way to play matchmaker for your friends! My friend Julie Ferman said she and her friends used to do this in college. Grab a bunch of your single friends and each of you write out the top 3 qualities you're looking for in a mate. Put your name on the paper, put it in a jar, and then each one picks a sheet, without sharing who you picked (kind of like Secret Santa!) Now it's your job to look for a person to invite to the dinner party who fits those qualities.

Think of eligible men you know at work, church, the gym, your family, or even a man you put in the friend zone!

Bring this person to your dinner party. It could be at someone's home, a fancy restaurant, or at a burger joint. It doesn't matter where you have the dinner party, just as long as you have an open mind and a desire to introduce each other to some great men!

Think outside the dating box. There are great men all around you and with some creative planning, you could meet the man of your dreams!

Which idea would you like to try?

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