3 Tips For Single Parent Dating

by Dr. Aesha on August 14, 2014

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3 Tips For Single Parent Dating

By: Dr. Aesha

I just got a question in my "Ask Dr. Aesha" mailbag. It's from a single dad who is back on the dating scene after a divorce. He asked:

"I have 3 kids (I’m divorced) and I’m dating someone with no kids. When is the appropriate time to introduce the kids to her? We’ve been dating for 2 months, and it’s definitely too soon now, but we are getting serious about each other."

~Single Dad Dating

This is a fantastic question because many of my clients are dating after divorce or a long relationship and want to know how to date when they have kids.  

I've put together 3 questions for you to consider before you introduce your new partner to your kids:

1) How old are your kids and how do they feel about you dating? 

2) How would they feel if things didn't work out with the new person and she went away? How will you talk to them about it? 

3) How does your girlfriend feel about being a part of the kids' lives since she doesn't have any children of her own?

Bringing your family into your new relationship is going to change it.

Your partner will see you in a new light. Watching you in “Daddy mode” is going to show her a different side of you than what she sees when you're on a romantic date. She'll likely imagine what her future with you might be like as well. So if you haven’t committed to each other yet, she’s going to have another experience with you that will affect her decision, especially since she doesn’t have any kids of her own. 

Your kids also will need support in figuring out what role this person will play in their lives. How often will she come around? Do they have to follow her instructions? Is she going to stay forever or will she be gone soon? Is this person going to take you away from them? 

Introducing your kids to your new girlfriend will also change the way you see her. You’ll evaluate how she treats your kids and how she gets along with them, whether you want to or not. 

Just because you’re “getting serious” it doesn’t mean this relationship will work out. You might change your mind about her 3 months from now, or she may decide she's not ready to date a man with kids. 

My suggestion, then, is to wait until you are in a committed relationship with this person and you’ve been seeing each other at least a year. It’s ok to tell your kids that you’re seeing someone, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you need to bring this person into their world just yet. 

Ultimately, when it comes to single parent dating, timing, listening and being aware of the feelings of your kids and your partner are very important. 

Thanks for sending in your question!

Are you a single parent dating? Tell me, what’s your greatest challenge? 

 

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bigstock Couple Sitting On The Grass 1621452 300x217 The Two Most Important Skills You Need To Be Happy In Relationships

The Two Most Important Skills You Need To Be Happy In Relationships

By: Dr. Aesha

She instantly came out of her downward spiral of panic when I told my 30-something, never-been-married coaching client this: "There's nothing wrong with you. You just lack some important dating and relationship skills. If you can learn how to drive, then you could learn these skills!"  

I don't think anyone had ever told her this powerful information before. "What skills," she asked, thoughtfully. "And how do I get them?" 

Before I share the two most important skills you need to be happy in relationships, let me say that I learned them the hard way.

Like most singles I work with in my matchmaking agency, I was programmed to think that love and relationships should come naturally.  I thought love would just find me. And I thought that once I fell in love and started a new relationship that things would naturally unfold and we'd end up married.

A broken engagement and a drama-filled relationship with a player showed me that I didn't really know what I was doing. 

The problem is we rely on chemistry to guide our choices. And once chemistry fizzles out (or if wasn't there in the first place), you look for someone to blame.

Most people internalize their dating and relationship failures. For example, I bumped into a man the other day who shared his online dating frustrations with me.

"I sent this lady a Happy Birthday email and she didn't respond to me," he huffed. "I don't understand why people could be so rude. At least she could have said she wasn't interested."  

Little did he know that he just lacked the right email strategy to help him stand out from the 100 other emails she probably got on her birthday, get this woman's attention and compel her to write back. 

Maybe you're like other people who email me with subject lines marked "URGENT." I can feel the panic in their emails as they ask me questions like, "I met this guy but he (has kids …or doesn't have a job… or is finalizing his divorce… or doesn't want to get married). I really like him. Do you think I should keep seeing him?" 

If these singles could master these two skills for relationships, they wouldn't need to ask me to help them make this choice.  

1) Selection 

2) Connection

Let me break it down for you.

The skill of selection is all about choosing the right person. And to do that, you need to know how relationships work and be willing to give the dating process time to work. Focus on the things that matter most: commitment, unconditional love, honor, respect. Everything else is icing on the cake! 

The skill of connection is all about understanding how to make relationships last. To have a blissful, passionate relationship that stands the test of time and persists past the highs and lows of life, you must master this skill. 

Imagine what your life would look like if you knew how to choose the right person and make it last? It's possible when you master the skills of selection and connection! 

Tell me, which skill do you think you need the most? 

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