bigstock Angry African American Couple 12040829 300x200 4 Reasons Why You Get Stuck With The Wrong Man And What To Do About It

4 Reasons Why You Get Stuck With The Wrong Man And

What To Do About It

By: Dr. Aesha

1. You Overvalue Chemistry

One woman told me "I believe in love at first sight." If she doesn't feel those fireworks, butterfiles or fire in the eyes of a man, she doesn't give a man another chance. 

  • This is a romantic, but dangerous belief. Sometimes chemistry just means comfort. It's just as easy to fall in love with the wrong person as it is to fall in love with the right one. Be careful!

2. You've Invested So Much Time Already

I remember going back to the guy who told me "I don't think I ever want to get married," the morning after because I felt like I'd invested so much of my time, body and energy in the relationship, no matter how dysfunctional it was!  

  • Once I realized that marriage to the wrong person wouldn't be a return on an investment, it would be a huge LOSS, I let go. You can too! 

3. You Lower Your Standards

You decide you should be grateful for having someone, even if the realtionship isn't what you want. So to keep your mind of the pain you feel, you focus on something else: Food, work, hanging with friends, anything to distract you! 

  • Raise your standards, not for other people, but for yourself. Decide you will not accept anything less than a fabulous relationship and if the person you're with is not the one, move on! 

4. You're waiting for something to happen before you leave

You're trying to justify why you should leave. You have a fight or he says something hurtful and you feel the courage to leave. Just before you push the "BREAKUP" button, he does something sweet. He sends you flowers or tells you he's sorry. You're no longer feeling angry and powerful and you decided to stick around just a little longer to see if things will change. 

  • You deserve love, but it won't happen if you keep holding on to this fantasy relationship. It's time to let go, choose a different person and create a brand new love life!

 

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What Do You Do If There’s No Chemistry On A Date?

by Dr. Aesha on September 11, 2014

bigstock Romantic couple dancing and sm 67140208 1 300x200 What Do You Do If Theres No Chemistry On A Date?

What Do You Do If There's No Chemistry On A Date?

 By: Dr. Aesha

"Go out with someone four times before you decide the person is not for you. I don't believe in first impressions."

~Anne Teachworth

I agree Ms. Teachworth: First impressions are overrated. 

Let me tell you why.

When I first saw my husband, everything about him screamed "I am a confident, ALPHA male." However, when he asked me out on our first real date, all of that went out the door. We look back and laugh about it now, but it was a really awkward moment. 

I'd invited Roy to spend Thanksgiving dinner with my family and he accepted even though he'd purchased tickets to Atlanta over a year ago, to spend the holidays with his friends. Something told him not to go, he told me once we'd started dating. 

He fit right in with my large, loud family and hung around until late that evening. There was this awkward silence as I tried to walk him to the door to say goodbye, because he wasn't really moving toward the door. He was just standing there. 

Suddenly, his eyes widened, his body stiffened, and he blurted out: "You feel like going out?"

I was so floored that it took me a minute to answer. It seemed like an eternity passed before I squealed, "YES!"

I think we both let out a sigh of relief and then. . . more awkwardness as we tried to figure out where we should go for our first date. 

The entire date was awkward, including the moment he walked me back to my parents' front door. But 11 months later, we were married. 

Question: Are you judging and dismissing your dates because they don't appear confident? Do you say things like, there just wasn't any chemistry between us? 

I'd like to encourage you, like I encourage my matchmaking and coaching clients, to replace first impressions with second glances. If there's absolutely NO attraction, that's fine.

But if it's just a matter of need to feel some spark or requiring the "wow factor" before you'll think of a second date, I want to let you in on a big secret:

Chemistry is not an all-or-nothing, black-or-white thing.

I'm sure you can think of times when you had off the charts chemistry with someone and then your relationship fizzled out fast! 

I'm sure you can also think of couples you know who

1) didn't like each other when they first met

2) had no chemistry when they first met

3) didn't find each other attractive when they first met

However, somewhere between "hello" and "I do" they made a connection, fell in love and are now happy together!

The bottom line is chemistry does not equal compatibility. It's a great feeling but it's not necessary to fall in love!

What do you think? Will you give a person another chance if there's no chemistry?

 

 

 

 

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