Listen To Your Mama!
by: Aesha Adams Roberts
If you want to be successful and have a happy, harmonious and passionate marriage, then you need to listen to your mama.
Why Do You Need to Listen to Your Mama?
In our modern culture, we've been programmed to believe that we don't have to listen to our Mamas because we are independent women who can make our own decisions. We live in a culture that does not honor the position and voice of a mama.
Now I agree: we are independent women and we can make our own decisions, but when we don't have a mama we can listen to, we actually set ourselves up for failure.
My mama was crucial in helping me finally meet and marry the man of my dreams in just 11 short months. Don't get me wrong. I did not always listen to her and I paid dearly for it. When I did listen to her, I didn't always want to do what she said. But I always knew she was right. Sometimes she was so right it was scary.
For example, I went back and forth with a guy I dated in grad school. I had reached a point where I was tired of the drama, but I couldn't let it go. Even though I wasn't totally satisfied with the relationship, at least I wasn't alone, I thought. So right before I moved out of town, which was a move designed to help me to finally break away from him, I decided to call him up and get together just to talk, even though I had previously broken things off with him. "Just one last date," I told myself. I never said these words out loud to anyone.
My mama called me several days after I went on that date, a date that got me entangled again in the relationship. After she asked me how I was doing, she said suspiciously like only a mama could: "I don't know Aesha. . . . what's really going on?" With my best "I'm okay" voice I said, "What do you mean mama?" She then told me she'd had a dream the night before that I went on a date and that I'd said to myself, "Just one last date." She warned me to be careful and to not let my emotions sway me in my decision to leave town. I was speechless. I could not believe that God would tell on me like that. I believe that my mother and I have a deep, spiritual connection and she has often been able to tell what I was feeling without me having to say anything. However, this was different. She had a dream about the very thing I was thinking!
When my mama wasn't having dreams about me, she was using mother wit, metaphors and proverbs to teach me about marriage and what I should look for in a man. It made her lessons easy to understand and her correction easier to take.
Just in case you didn't have a mama who sat you down to talk with you about marriage, I want to share some proverbs and mother wit with you. These are sayings my Mama–and other mentors–shared with me. If you listen to the wisdom hidden in these phrases they can help you find and keep Mr. Right.
- Study your man. When you're dating, you're in kindergarten. When you're married, you need a PhD!
- Talk is cheap and actions speak
- Why should he buy the cow when the milk is free
- An excuse is a dressed up lie
- All that glitters is not gold!
- Lie down with dogs and you'll pick up fleas.
- Birds of a feather flock together.
- When you're dating, look at everything through a magnifying glass. When you're married, look at everything through rose-colored glasses.
- If you want to stay married, take the "D-word" out of your vocabulary.
- If you want to stay happy in marriage, stay away from the bar–bitterness, anger, and resentment.
The wisdom in these sayings taught me what to look for in a man, how to know if he was lying to me, how to recognize a good man when I saw him, and what I needed to do to prepare for married life. I thank God for my Mama and for the many women in my life who mentor me!
It's your turn: what advice did your Mama–or other mentors–give you about men, dating, or marriage? Please share in a comment below!
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