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bigstock Beautiful Business Woman On Bl 35448416 300x200 The 7 Step Love Detox Challenge that will Transform Your Dating Life

The 7-Step Love Detox Challenge that will Transform Your Dating Life

By: Dr. Aesha

With Spring just around the corner it’s a good time to detox your love life.

Why? Because your thoughts are getting in the way of you attracting and keeping love. Your thoughts shape your feelings which in turn, control your behaviors and actions. As Proverbs 4:23 says, “Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.” (GNT)

So let’s identify 7 areas where some stinkin’ thinkin’ may have crept in and what you can do to change it.

1. Block, unfollow, delete, and hide friends on social media who are holding you back.

Maybe you're surrounded by people who are negative about relationships or who don't support you as you seek to create your dream life. Use the delete button! You don't need that drama in real life either, so draw some clear boundaries with your family and friends.


2. Forgive

Forgiveness is the best closure. It heals the scars and removes the scabs that keep love from going in and out of your heart. Once you forgive, you'll find the freedom to release your past and create a new, more empowering meaning of what happened to you.

 

3. Clear out text messages, emails, gifts, pictures and other keepsakes from your ex.

These items can trigger memories that can keep you from moving forward. I remember holding on to the engagement ring from my ex-fiance for years after we broke up. When I finally gave it away, I had the courage to let go of the memories AND a relationship with someone else who was toxic for me.

Click here for the next step at BlackandMarriedWithKids.com


 

 

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bigstock Thoughtful black businesswoman 63759514 300x199 He Never Initiates Phone Calls. How Can I Get Him Interested In Me?

 

He Never Initiates Phone Calls. How Can I Get Him To Be Interested In Me? 

By: Dr. Aesha

I met a man at a conference a few weeks ago. We've had a few phone conversations, but he had a business trip and will be gone for a few weeks. He sugested we keep in touch while he's away (we weren't able to meet before he left). I have texted him twice while he's been gone and he responds enthusiastically and leaves a long message but he hasn't initiated keeping in touch. I don't feel authentic by texting him when it's one-sided, but I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing by waiting. 

I want to stimulate in him the desire to see me again once he returns, however. Any thoughts on the subject? 

~Linda

 

****

Hey Linda,

Yes I have a few thoughts for you, since this is a common question I get from women. 

As a woman, it's your job to make the first move by flirting, showing you're interested, and creating opportunities for a man to ask you out. After you've connected, it's completely natural to reach out and call him from time to time, but if he NEVER initiates, it's a sign something is not right.  

Most men show you who they are by their actions. (There are a few exceptions, but I"ll talk about that later). When you accept this truth you'll stop those crazy thoughts like,  "I wonder if he likes me…I'll just send him this text message to let him know I'm thinking about him…Oh no it's been 2 days, 3 hours, 15 minutes and 7 seconds since he's texted me back…" 

These anxious thoughts put you into a tail spin and worse yet, put you in seduction mode where you're trying to "stimulate" him to be interested in you, instead of attraction mode, where you effortlessly attract men and then choose who you want to be with.

Also, since you mentioned you're not sure if you're doing the right thing by waiting, I can tell there's some underlying fear there. Fear that he actually won't ask you out. Fear that he wasn't telling the truth. Fear that maybe he's forgotten you. 

Listening to your question, I can also see the beginning signs of a toxic dating pattern I call "You're Gonna Love Me." In it's full blown pathology, the "You're Gonna Love Me" pattern looks something like this: 

You're not your authentic self with a man because you're trying to be what you think he wants in a woman. You deny your needs and overgive to him. You wait to see if he'll reciprocate, but ironically, all that over-giving pushes him into the arms of another woman who doesn't do half of what you're willing to do. What's up with that?!

So here's my advice. Don't put your love life on hold until this man returns from his business trip. You need to do more than wait around for this man. You need to date. Other people. 

Why? Because this guy might really be busy with his business trip. Maybe he really does want to wait until he returns to connect with you. Or, maybe he's changed his mind about wanting to go out with you and is only replying so he deson't hurt your feelings. Maybe he's a shy guy who is afraid of rejection, so he's insecure about showing you how much he's interested in you.

The only thing you know for sure is what he's showing you through his actions.

So instead of wondering and worrying about it, work on attracting the right man who won't need to be stimulated to see you by some special text message you'd send. He won't need to be chased, begged or given an ultimatum to commit either. He'll do it because he'll see how amazing you are. 

With love, 

Dr. Aesha

 

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Should You Date Him Or Dump Him?

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Would You Marry Yourself If You Didn’t Find A Husband By 40? This Sista Did!

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I've heard of friends promising to marry each other if they couldn't find a suitable partner, and I've seen a reality TV show of strangers marrying each other at first sight. But would you marry yourself if you couldn't find a husband by 40? This sista did and her story has gone viral! There's a […]

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  Myth Busted: You Don't Have To Get Your Life Together Before Dating By: Dr. Aesha   In a recent article on The Root, a man confessed that he hasn't had a girlfriend in 16 years! "What people don't understand is that my income isn't as high as many would expect, and it makes me feel […]

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3 Creative Ways To Meet Men You’ve Probably Never Thought About

January 19, 2015

3 Creative Ways To Meet Men You've Probably Never Thought About By: Dr. Aesha Do you hate online dating? Prefer to meet men the old-fashioned way, but it seems like everywhere you go you only meet men who are too old, too married, too young, or too undateable? If you're wondering where all the high-quality men are, […]

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When Should I Start Dating Again After A Breakup?

January 12, 2015

When Should I Start Dating Again After A Breakup?  By: Dr. Aesha   This question came in from my Facebook Page: "After a breakup how long do you suggest waiting to start dating again?"    ***** This is a great question, but you might not like my answer: It depends.  I don't know important information […]

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Should Bad Credit Be A Deal Breaker?

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Should Bad Credit Be A Deal Breaker?  By: Dr. Aesha "Hey girl….can I get your digits? No, I don't mean your phone number. I mean your credit score!"  Can you imagine if a man approached you like this? What would you feel? Yet, there's a new trend called "Credit Score Dating" that's gaining traction. Suze Orman […]

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