3 Reasons Why Men Don’t Approach You And What To Do About It
By: Aesha Adams-Roberts
“Girl, I had a meltdown!”
I was chatting with a sister at a recent networking event. When she discovered I was a matchmaker and dating coach, she started sharing with me her challenges with men. She told me a “girl-meets-boy” story that felt like a scene out of a Lifetime movie, except there was no happily ever after.
Maybe you can relate…
“This handsome man walked in the door, girl. He had so much swag it knocked me back in my seat. I’ve been married twice but NO MAN had ever made me feel like this. I started to get self-conscious and I heard the Spirit say, “Put on some makeup.”
So I pulled out my handbag and started putting on lipstick while the guy was still ordering his drink. Then he sat at the table next to mine.
I pretended like I didn’t see him when he glanced my way. He sat there for almost an hour and then when he got up to leave, he spoke to me. “Have a good day, sister.”
I knew he was talking to me, because my girlfriends were at the table with me and he looked right at me!
My friend kicked me under the table as he was walking out the door and was like, “Girl, you better not let your man leave without you giving him your number.”
I panicked! I was so nervous! I never gave my number to a stranger before, but I ran to my car to get a pen and paper. Then I had a meltdown. I broke out in a sweat and I was crying and shaking. I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want him to leave, but…I didn’t want to be chasing no man, either.
If he was interested in me, he’d come to me!
While I was in my car, he pulled up next to me and just looked at me, like he was waiting for me to say something. I pretended like I didn’t see him and then he pulled off!
I feel like I missed my blessing. I’ve been going back to that Starbucks to see if I could find him, but he’s gone. That was 3 years ago.”
Can you see the 3 mistakes this sister made? It’s the same 3 mistakes you’re making if you’re frustrated because the RIGHT men don’t approach you.
Let me break it down for you:
1. Her body language did not show that she was available.
According to the science of attraction, men (and women) find people with available body language–smiling, uncrossed arms and legs, and looking up–the most attractive.
This sister wouldn’t give her dream man eye contact that lasted longer than a split second and her meltdown definitely was not sexy!
2. She didn’t make the first move
You don’t have to chase a man, but you do have to make the first move.
One way you can make the first move is to lean in and give LOTS of eye contact. (This sister literally gave all the signs she wasn’t interested by looking–and running–away!)
If an attractive man makes you want to turn invisible or run and hide, you have some limiting beliefs and thought patterns about men, yourself, and dating that are getting in your way!
3. She didn’t take advantage of the moment
You have to attract a person to you while you can. Dr. Helen Fisher, an expert in the science of love, says we humans can tell in one second–ONE SECOND–whether or not someone is attractive.
You can’t put all the responsibility on God, fate, or “if it’s meant to be” types of thoughts. You also can’t make the excuse that if he’s interested he’ll overlook all of your “don’t come over here, what are you looking at, I hope you don’t really notice me” signals and talk to you anyway.
Men don’t think like that, sisters!
Want to know exactly what high-quality men think when they approach a woman, ask her out, court her, and marry her?
Then get a copy of my most popular audiobook, Inside The Mind of Men. It’s a heart-to-heart interview I did with 3 marriage-minded men who give it to you straight, no fluff. They share all their man secrets on what makes a man fall in love, commit and marry a woman, just like you. It’s like being a fly on the wall of the barbershop!