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4 Reasons Why He Won’t Commit

By: Dr. Aesha

Do you ever feel like you’re dating a wishy washy man? One day you’re in a relationship.  The next day he isn’t ready to commit. One day he loves you. The next day he wants to take it slow.

Why won’t he just seal the deal and commit?  And what should you do when you find yourself in this situation?

I want to take you into the mind of men and share how they think about commitment. Of course not all men think alike, but after interviewing men over the last 4 years, I’ve watched them open up and share their man secrets. They tell me things they’d never share with you.

For example, the other day the cashier at the grocery store asked me what I did for a living.

As soon as he heard I was a matchmaker, he opened up his heart right there in the 12 Items or Less Express line, and told me about his latest fight with his girlfriend.

“I’ve been married twice and I’m dating someone now. She wants to get married which is understandable since she’s getting older. I’m just unsure. . . “

His commitment issues have caused them to break up several times. You can tell he loved her and he even tried couples counseling to work on their relationship. But he’s still hasn’t put a ring on it.

The truth is, many men are relationship-minded and want marriage, so when they hesitate to commit, there’s a deeper reason.

Here are the top 4 reasons that I’ve discovered from my interviews with men:

1) He’s afraid of making the wrong decision

He understands how serious marriage is and doesn’t want to enter in to it lightly. Even if he’s never been married before, he may hesitate because he wants to be sure he’s making the right choice.

2) He hasn’t gotten over the last person who broke his heart

If there’s one thing I know for sure, men hate rejection. Fear of rejection is just one reason why a man might not commit fully to you, especially if he’s been through bad breakups in the past.

3) He likes you, but he thinks he “might” be able to find someone he likes better

Online dating has created this illusion of endless options for singles (even though you and I know online dating is tough!) So even if a man likes you, he may think there’s someone better around the corner.

4) He likes things the way they are

If you’ve been waiting for a ring for 3 years or more, chances are your man is comfortable with the relationship the way it is. And because you haven’t left, he assumes you are happy too!

If you’re dating someone who won’t commit the issue isn’t with you. It’s all about what’s going on in his head and heart. You can be the best girlfriend–nurturing, attentive, loving, and supportive–but if in his heart he’s struggling with any of these issues, it won’t matter what is going on in his head. He may know logically that you’re a great catch, but in his heart he’s unsure. When the head and heart conflict, the heart always wins!

Some of the reasons men won’t commit can be overcome with patience. You may be ready for marriage after 1 year of dating, whereas he needs a little more time.

Other times you may need to create a little distance in the relationship so he realizes what he’ll miss if he doesn’t commit to you. For example, he shouldn’t get exclusive access to your time if he’s not going to commit to dating you exclusively.

Finally, if a committed relationship is what you want, don’t be afraid to ask for it. If he’s serious about you, he shouldn’t be surprised when you have “The Talk,” and he’ll step up. If he doesn’t, then it’s time for you to move on.