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4 Signs Your Spouse Is Your Roommate, Not Your Soulmate

By Aesha Adams-Roberts

You met Mr. Right, fell in love, got married and decided you'd live happily ever after; now 5, 10, 15 years later you feel your spouse is more like your roomate than your soulmateHow did this happen? 

It's a very common situation. At first you may not notice it because you're just busy with work, kids, and life in general. And since you're getting along so well–no drama–you may even feel comfortable with it. But living as roommates who just get along instead of a married couple who is passionately in love with each other often leads to divorce.  

Here are four signs you and your spouse have become roommates:

1. You are not communicating: Maybe you talk, but not about what really matters. You might grunt out a "good morning" and a "good night," have a brief meeting about the kids or the bills, and send a text about the grocery list, but you're no longer communicating in a way that builds intimacy. 

2. You rarely spend time together: You're like ships passing in the night.  One or both of you spend all day working or taking care of the kids.  At the end of the day one spouse watches TV in the bedroom, the other falls asleep on the couch in the living room. Or, you spend more time with your friends–and you like it that way. 

3. Your sex life needs CPR: it's been weeks, months, and in some cases years since you've made love to your spouse. There's no kissing, hugging, or flirting either.  And if one brings it up to the other it causes World War Three!  

4. Everything else is a priority over your relationship:  You have good intentions, but somehow you've come to believe that working ("we gotta get out of debt") the kids ("I'm their mother–I have to make these sacrifices"), church ("I'm doing the work of the Lord") or a host of other things deserve more of your attention than your spouse does. These things seem to be more urgent than your relationship but you've begun to neglect your spouse, believing that the relationship will be there after the debt is paid off, the kids are grown, and the church has been served.  

What can you do? Can this relationship be saved?  The short answer is YES, but you'll need to do some things immediately to get the passion back in your marriage. 

Do any of these signs sound familiar? If so, stay tuned–I'll be back on Thursday for part 2 of this series with easy things you can do to feel like lovers again.  In the meantime, please share with me your thoughts about today's article in a comment below.