I was recently in the barbershop and was talking with a man who has been in a relationship for 10 years. He was telling me all the things that annoyed him about his girlfriend. She wants to get married, but he’s been feeling unsure. “I’ll give our relationship another year or two and then I think I’m out. I’m a man. I can get another woman no matter my age!” he said.
I was so upset with this guy. I told him “This is why I teach sisters to date differently. The last thing they need to do is waste their time with someone who isn’t go to marry them!”
I’ve made it my mission to help you never waste your time again because you’ve invested your heart, energy, time and money into a relationship that isn’t going to result in marriage. But to do that, I have to share some truths that make tick you off.
One of the biggest reasons why you waste time with the wrong men is because you chose him. Plain and simple. The good news is, you can learn to make different choices and it all starts with understanding how men think, talk and behave when it comes to commitment.
Let me share with you the profiles of 4 types of men you’ll meet while dating, so that you’ll instantly know whether or not you should invest your time into a relationship.
1. The Player
You may think you know how to spot The Player, but he comes in all shapes and sizes. Even the smartest sister can get fooled by him unless you know these secrets.
This man takes your breath away! He may start out like a perfect gentleman who says and does all the right things. He’ll make you feel like he’s sincere and will assure you he’ll never hurt you. The keyword here is “feel.” This guy knows how to appeal to your emotions and when you’re with him, the chemistry is off the charts!
The problem is he’s usually focused on the moment. If he’s not with you, he’s not thinking about you. When he wants you, he’ll send you a midnight text asking “what r u doing.” He leaves you feeling lots of self-doubt and questioning what his true feelings are when you two are apart.
The Player may desire you, but he doesn’t value you, your body, your time, or anything else you give him.
With The Player, you need to adopt this phrase: Actions speak and talk is cheap!
2. The Ghost
The Ghost is a lot different from The Player. You feel really comfortable around him. Your conversations are amazing because you share so many interests. He wants the same things out of life that you do, and he’s really open with you about his feelings, thoughts and goals.
You start dating for a few months and you think everything is going well!
However, something in your gut tells you he’s acting a little funny, maybe even pulling away from you, but you don’t speak up because you don’t want him to think you’re pressuring him about where the relationship is headed.
Then…POOF! He just disappears.
His disappearing act may have started gradually. He stopped responding to your good night text messages. Then you noticed he never initiates phone calls anymore. You decide that you’re not going to chase a man, so you wait until he calls you. But he never does.
The first thing you should know about The Ghost is that, he probably has avoidance issues. He doesn’t like conflict, so instead of talking to you about what he’s feeling, he just hopes you get the hint and leaves. Don’t waste your time trying to figure out why he left! When you do, you internalize this man’s issues and make them your own! It’s not your fault he disappeared. There’s nothing wrong with you!
The second thing you should know about The Ghost is that he was giving you warning signs, but you didn’t trust your instincts. You need to learn how to speak up in a relationship, in a powerful and authentic way.
Tell a man what you need in a relationship (just do it in a loving way). And when you have concerns, don’t suppress them; Express them!
3. Mr. Right Now
This guy is everything you’ve prayed for! He says things like, “I could see myself committing to you,” and may even have serious talks about marriage with you early on in the relationship.
He makes you feel like he wants a future with you, but his actions don’t always match his words. Maybe he has to reschedule a lot of dates at the last minute. Or maybe he talks about the future using “fantasy” language. He never gives you any concrete plans. Everything is always “one day we’ll…”