Is It Time For A Couple's Check Up? Why You Should Think About the Health of Your Marriage
By Aesha Adams Roberts
We were on edge. It had been three weeks since we'd spent any quality time together. The loss of a family member along with sudden changes in my husband's work schedule added extra weight to the stress of everyday married life. Yes, married life can be stressful. But it's only because life can be stressful.
After a very intense discussion with finger pointing and blaming, we finally came to the conclusion that the heart of the issue was that we hadn't made our one-on-one time a priority and both of us had different expectations of what that time would look like. We're happily married, madly in love, and completely devoted to each other. But knowing that we love each other isn't the same as showing that we love each other.
So we dropped our toddler off at my sister-in-law's, booked a hotel room, and went on a date. We spent time talking, laughing, and loving each other. After our "couple's check up" we felt like we were back on track.
I believe every couple needs a routine check up to assess the health of their marriage. That means you spend time thinking about and talking about what's working in your relationship and where you can improve.
Sadly, many people spend very little time even thinking about their marriage until something goes wrong. But there are preventative measures you can take to strengthen your marriage and avoid the major problems that cause divorce.
As one sister in our Facebook community said:
"You don't just go to the dentist when you're having a toothache or the doctor when you're sick – it's the same with marriage – best to seek counseling BEFORE your marriage is in trouble. I believe counseling can help with communication issues, and conflict resolution as well as help manage expectations – not just current expectations – but future expectations and goals as well."
A couple's check up might include talking about
• The Kids
• Future Plans and Dreams
• What you appreciate about your spouse
• What you need from your spouse
• Roles of each spouse
. . .and anything else you think will give you an "x-ray" of your relationship. Go beyond the surface and look at the nuts and bolts of how you're marriage works.
You can do a check up on your own as often as you'd like, (some couples talk like this every day, others do it quarterly or yearly), but getting insight from an independent, third party like a marriage counselor or a marriage mentor (a couple who has the type of successful marriage you'd like to have) can help you get an accurate picture of your strengths and weaknesses as a couple. Marriage retreats and getaways can also help you have a successful marriage.
A regular check up as a couple can help you save your marriage before it's even in trouble and give you the tools you need to keep the harmony in your home.
Question: What would make your marriage more FUN & FULFILLING? Please share below!