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Forty and Freaking Out: How To Find A Husband No Matter Your Age

By: Aesha Adams-Roberts

"Maybe it's just not meant to be." I could hear the hopelessness in her voice, even though she tried to convince me she was happy being single. 

My former roommate was approaching the age of 40 and she was freaking out because she hadn't found a husband. Her biological clock was ticking and since she didn't have any prospects, she figured it'd be easier to just give up on her dreams instead of holding on to hope that she'd find real love. 

I couldn't let her give up. She was my sister-friend, and she deserved to be happy. She was beautiful, talented, giving, and a successful career woman. I knew she would make a great wife and mom. 

We were hanging out in her master bedroom, with me watching her as she was cleaning out her cluttered closets. All of a sudden, I blurted out: "You gotta make room for love! Just like you're cleaning out your closets, you gotta clean out your life so the right man can come in."  Then I told her I could see her holding a beautiful baby boy with big, round eyes.

Later that day, we went to the mall. As soon as we stepped through the doors, we saw a sign which read, "MAKE ROOM." The building was being renovated and these signs were everywhere we looked. I knew it was a divine download. God was giving my sister-friend a lifeline of hope, but it was up to her to reach out and take it.

In a few short months, my sister-friend called me. She'd met someone! They got married a year later and she asked me to pray for her as they were trying to conceive. 2 years later, she sent me a text message that blew me away: it was a picture of a beautiful baby boy, with big round eyes! 

Fast forward one year later. Another friend, let's call her Veronica, was giving me a tour around her new home. I couldn't help but notice that every single closet in her house was packed from the ceiling to the floor. I knew she wanted to get married one day, so I asked her, "Where would your husband put any of his stuff?" 

"He'll just have to find his own place for it," she huffed. She was in her 50's and the dream of a family was now replaced with resentment and despair. I tried to encourage her to make room in her life and house for a husband, just like I encouraged my sister-friend, but she refused to listen. Disappointment had shut down her dreams and she couldn't muster up enough faith to believe again.

When your biological clock is ticking, it's easy to start freaking out if you haven't met anyone who could potentially be your husband. So here are three tips to help you get re-focused: 

1) Keep Calm and Date On!

Most women I talk to either stop dating altogether or make the mistake of looking at a potential date through marriage eyes. Just stay focused on meeting more people and making a great connection with them. Here's a big tip: look for the people who are looking for you and you'll actually find someone faster!

2) Trade-In Perfection For Peace

Are you passing up your Mr. Right because he doesn't fit your ideal man list? My sister-friend's husband was divorced and had a daughter. That wasn't on her list! But instead of dismissing him to try and find the "perfect" man, she realized he brought great peace to her and now they have an amazing life together.

3) Spring Clean Your Life

It's time to de-clutter your heart. Forgive and release any pain from your past. Let go of momentos from old relationships. Get rid of disappointment, fear and old ways of doing things and open your heart to what's ahead! 

If disappointment has replaced your dreams of finding The One, let me encourage you: Believe again! It's possible to find love at any age. 

Tell me, what's your greatest challenge with dating and relationships? I'm listening! 


Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives. For free resources, including a complimentary, 30 minute Romance Plan session, visit Dr. Aesha at http://www.AeshaOnline.com