How Do I Meet Men If I Live In A Small Town?

By: Dr. Aesha

Dr. Aesha–

I’m 34. I live in a small town and also work in another small town close by, so it’s hard to find someone that I’m interested in and that feels the same way about me. It also doesn’t help that I go to a small church and there aren’t really any single, eligible men there that are around my age. I see guys that I’m attractive to when I go out but I just feel so discouraged I don’t really even show interest any more, not even a smile sometime. When I’m getting off of work, I am tired and don’t feel like trying to get some guy’s attention, that may or may not be interested in me. Any suggestions for what I should do?? I’ve thought about moving to a larger city to increase my odds, but I’ve only been on my current job for about 8 months now, so that’s out of the question right now.

~Anita

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Hey Anita, 

In dating size does matter. If you’re not meeting enough men, you’re leaving your future love up to chance instead of making powerful choices that will help you attract Mr. Right. 

So, Anita, let’s analyze your situation: you live in a small town, work in a small town and go to a small church. You need to widen your dating pool fast, girl! I’ve coached several women who have faced this challenge and together, we’ve been able to help them position themselves so the right men find them. Let me share some tips with you that have helped them. 

Small town dating has its challenges. If you grew up in the area, you may already know most of the men there. Maybe you’ve even dated some of them! You also don’t want everybody in your business, so you’re picky about who you choose to date. Who wants her breakup to be the subject of town gossip?  

On the other hand, if you’re new to the area, you may find that there aren’t many men who share your values or who you find attractive (or who find you attractive). Maybe there’s an occasional new guy who moves into town, or there might be men who come into town on a temporary basis to do work or vacation. They’re not usually focused on long-term relatinships though.  It can feel like slim pickings!

Online dating is challenging because after a while, the dating sites start recycling the same matches! You may even get a message that there are no other people available in your area. How depressing! And, if you did date someone you met online and then broke up, it can feel awkward to see his profile again. 

So I understand why you could feel discouraged. But you can’t let your negativity, disappointment and hopelessness take over. It sounds like that’s already happening, sis. If you’re not smiling or showing interest when you do see a man, why should he approach you? 

Negativity isn’t exactly magnetic. 

So here’s what you need to do. 

Make a “man plan.” In this plan I want you focused on a long-term and short-term goal. 

Your short-term goal should be to start making yourself approachable to the men you do feel attracted to around town (I have tips here that will help). If there’s a bigger town within driving distance, I want you to begin searching for singles’ events there and attending them, with the focus on being positive, friendly and flirtatious. 

Next, set up an online dating profile and widen your search parameters to include men living outside your town. You may need to go 50 miles or more, depending on where you live. I also want you open to a long-distance relationship. But to make that work, you’ll need to have a plan to end the distance, with either one or both of you relocating at some point.  

Finally, you’ll need to check in with yourself periodically on your insistence that moving to another city is not an option because of your job. You may be making a living, but are YOU living? If you’re starting to become discouraged because you don’t have a social life and you really desire to be married, you’ll want to make some big changes in your life. 

Love,
Dr. Aesha

Question: Are you dating in a small town? What are your challenges?