Single Ladies: Are You A Great Date?
By: Dr. Aesha
I recently asked the fellas to step up and put the date back into dating. Now I’d like to talk to the sisters about how to be a great date!
As a professional matchmaker, it’s my job to interview men about what they’re looking for in a mate. And honey, I’ve heard some amazing stories about women’s bad behavior on dates that cause men to disappear!
I call these dating disconnects and I want to help you avoid them so that you can be seen as a great date by the man you want to pursue you!
1) Be a great flirt
How are your flirting skills? I know, I know: Your mama may have told you good girls don’t chase men and you don’t want to be seen as “that” chick who is doing too much and looking thirsty. But here’s the deal. Flirting isn’t about being seductive. It’s about inspiring curiosity in a man so that you create a real connection with him. Then you’ll have the chance to build chemistry with him.
You have to be playful, authentic and confident if you want that handsome, high-quality man to stop in his tracks and think “who is that?!”
2) Be accepting and open
You’ve probably been taught to treat a date like an interview so that you screen out the wrong men and find the man who is husband material. As a result, you focus on asking “the right questions” to see where he stands on relationships.
The problem is you end up judging men by how well they measure up to your checklist. Analyzing a man isn’t exciting, nor is it magnetic.
In fact, you can push away the right men from you because you’re asking the wrong questions! The men have told me they’ve had women ask them why they don’t have any kids (as in, “are you infertile?”), why they aren’t married yet (really?!), and how much money they make in their job.
Instead of being judgmental, be curious. Gather all your information and after the date, make a decision about whether you want to see the man again.
3) Be a good conversationalist
I’ve had sisters tell me they have “no problem” having a conversation with a man, yet they get stuck trying to figure out what to ask him while they’re on a date.
A good conversationalist is able to be present, ask good questions and listen well. Being present is all about focusing on the moment (and not on the future you are trying to imagine with him.
4) Be fascinated by him
This simply means your body language and facial expressions show that you are curious about the person sitting in front of you. You understand that even if you don’t want to see him again, and even if he’s not as attractive as you’d like, he’s a person worth listening to who has had experiences in life that you haven’t. Give him your full attention.
This was the big secret to my love story. On our first coffee date, we sat in Starbucks for hours and I asked him about what it was like for him to live in Japan , what life was like with 3 older sisters, how he felt growing up as a preachers’ kid. I was geninuely interested and fascinated by his stories. As we got to know each other, my husband said, “Wow, you’re so encouraging!” And I’d barely said anything to him. I made him feel special and important just by listening to him.
If you want to be a great date, smile easily. Make him feel comfortable and laugh at his jokes. Be curious about him and don’t look uninterested.
5) Be dressed to the nines
You want to be dressed to the nines for your date! Here’s why: You want to communicate that you are comfortable in the skin you’re in so that you’re confident from the moment you walk in the door.
Create a dating wardrobe that’s different from your church or work attire. All your girlfriends’ may think your outfit is CUTE but you want to think about what men is appealing to men. I suggest you get a consultation with an image consultant who can help you put together outfits that are right for your body type, colors that make you glow, and a style that makes heads turn everywhere you go!
When you are a great date, you’ll attract the attention of the right man who will pursue you. You’ll have men making plans to see you again before the date is over!
Want to hear directly from 3 good men what they look for in a wife? Click here to download your copy of my popular audiobook, Inside The Mind Of Men: What Men Think About Love & Marriage. It’s only $7 for a limited time. Grab your copy here now!
Tell me, sisters, are you a great date?