5 Things Your Future Husband Wished You Knew
By: Dr. Aesha
When a man is ready for marriage, there are specific things he looks for before he decides to commit. The problem is he won’t always tell you what’s inside his mind. That can make dating and relationships frustrating and dealing with your man can feel confusing.
But through the 5 secrets I’m about to share with you, you’ll be able to take your relationship to the next level (if you’re dating), and prepare for wife life if you’re still waiting to be found by Mr. Right.
So here are 5 things your future husband wished you knew:
- He needs your help and acceptance
Men don’t have it all together. Behind all that swag, he has insecurities, weaknesses and fears just like you. Don’t assume that his rough and tough exterior means he is invincible. He needs your help.
What does he need your help with? You will need to spend time getting to know your man to find out the areas he needs you to help him with. And sometimes you’ll need to ask (and not just assume). But in general, men need help reaching their goals and dreams. They need help seeing their true potential. They need you to give them insights into people and situations so they aren’t taken advantage of. They need you to bring your strengths, gifts, talents, and abilities to the relationship to cover their own weaknesses.
Your job is to be wise enough to know how to help him without making him feel like a failure.
- He wants you to listen to him
There are two important points here. First, you might assume that your man doesn’t need to be heard because he is a man of few words. “Well, he won’t talk to me,” you say. “I try to get him to tell me how he feels, and he won’t say anything.” But 97% of all communication is non-verbal, so only 3% is verbal. If you’re only focusing on what’s coming out of his mouth, you’re missing a whole lot. Listen to his body language. He’s communicating something to you all the time.
Second, when your man does talk, you need to listen without judging, without inserting your opinion, without correcting him or anticipating what he’s about to say. It may be hard to hear, but you should be honored that he trusts you enough to share his feelings with you.
- He wants you to catch him doing something good
Your man really wants to please you. But sometimes, in his mind, nothing he does is good enough. That’s because we rarely focus on what people do well. We live in a culture that is steeped in criticism and judgement. It’s rare for someone to tell you what you did well. But everybody loves to be appreciated and your man especially wants your encouragement.
- He wants you to be confident
Good men love confident women. Confidence and sexiness go hand in hand. Because you’re confident, he knows he won’t have to spend all his time trying to make you feel good about yourself. Yes, he will appreciate you and help you grow; and yes, he knows you’re not perfect and will need him to cover your weaknesses. But a man knows that a woman who doesn’t know her own worth will quickly become a needy woman.
- He craves your respect
When I asked my husband how important respect is to a man he told me, “No man wants to be disrespected.” Respect is one way a man gives and receives love. Respect is the language they use to communicate with the world. When your man feels respected, he feels like he is honored and loved by his woman.
Many men have a tough exterior, but our words and actions can hurt them just the same. When you bring private issues into the public with jokes, snide remarks and even negative body language like snarls and frowns, a man feels disrespected. He feels you’re making him look bad in front of other people.
Respecting your husband is a very important way of loving your husband. However, it doesn’t come natural to a wife. It’s because we tend to focus on our own needs first and we need to feel loved by our husbands. But when you focus on meeting his needs then an amazing thing happens: he finds it easier to focus on your needs.
The Bible helps us see just how important respect his to a husband:
“Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].” Ephesians 5:33 [AMP version].
When you respect your husband you
- Notice him
- Regard him
- Honor him
- Prefer him
- Love him
- Admire him above anyone else
The point is, when you respect your man, you don’t focus on his shortcomings. You focus on the things he does right (and you inspire him to be a better man through open & honest communication).
As my friend Paul C. Brunson says, the best time to work on your marriage is before you get married. Learn these 5 secrets now and you’ll set the stage for a happy marriage!