Dating In Your 30s, 40s and 50s: Is There A Difference?
By: Dr. Aesha
My “Ask Dr. Aesha” inbox has been bursting with your questions. I received these 3 questions around the same time:
I was wondering if you have any advice for the 30 + single, educated, God-fearing and no kids. I have done the suggestions that you have mentioned in your blogs. However I seem to keep getting the guys that don’t have time for me, have all these physical expectations (ex. hair type, body types, ect.), want sex (right away), won’t commit, don’t want to compromise or they are the other extreme too needy, mommas boys, ect.
Any and all advise is always appreciated.
Getting frustrating out here.
Dear Dr. Aesha:
My biggest challenge dating in my 40’s is finding available men to date that are looking for friendship & companionship first (and not just sex)!
What, if anything, can women over 50 do to find men that are interested in dating for commitment…Not fringe benefits I hear this every day. Thanks for all you do to encourage singles.
Wow. Did you notice the similar themes? Whether the woman is dating in her 30s, 40s, or 50s, they all have the same struggle: finding a commitment-minded man who wants more than sex!
Can you relate to these sistas? Are you hiding out at home, ready to give up on dating because you HATE the club scene (and you intuitively know that the kind of man you want isn’t hanging out there anyway)? Are you tired of investing your time and energy into a man who made you feel like you were headed toward marriage, only to discover months–or even years–later that you weren’t on the same page? Are you frustrated because you’ve tried all you know how and you’re still getting the same results?
Let me help a sista out! While there are subtle differences between dating in your 30s, dating in your 40s and dating in your 50s, the core problem of not finding high-quality men has nothing to do with your age. It has everything to do with your approach!
Let me explain. If you’re anything like my coaching clients you probably aren’t meeting enough men on a regular basis. The average single person has to go on 100 dates before they find “The One.” How close are you to that number?
Where are you meeting men? Are you proactively searching them out through singles’ events, online dating or matchmaking services, or are you waiting for them to find you? If you are hoping love will find you, what are you doing to get out of your daily routine of going to work, going to church, and hanging out at home?
How are you selecting men? It’s one thing to attract a man and another thing entirely to CHOOSE one. When you see red flags, what do you do about it? Do you press past them or do you hope things will change? Do you know the difference between a good man and a man who is a good fit for your life?
Are you overlooking great men around you because they don’t fit your idea of what you want in your life? This may be a sign that you don’t know what you really NEED to make your relationship work. You’re just basing things on your past experiences.
Finally, how long does it take you to get back into the dating scene after you’ve been burned or disappointed? I know you’ve been through a lot in love and relationships and your heart feels fragile. You’re afraid to try again. But the key to finding love is to keep opening your heart!
To get a new approach you have to stop doing the things that are hurting you and getting in your way. The only way to do that is to have someone come alongside you, point out your dating blind spots and show you the way.
That’s why I’m putting together this FREE group coaching experience just for women like you! Join me for Girlfriends’ Night Out where I share all my secrets as a wife, matchmaker and dating coach to help you find love! I’m going to help you create a dating plan, step-by-step details into exactly how to find a high-quality, commitment-minded man no matter your age. Get more details and register here:
See you there!