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How To Talk To A Guy Who Is Out Of Your League

By: Aesha Adams-Roberts       

I recently received a direct message from one of our clients that reminded me of many emails we receive at AeshaOnline.com. A beautiful, talented sister wanted to know how to talk to a guy she likes. She wrote: 

So, I like this guy on the worship team. He knows about me, but I can't muster up the courage to talk to him.He is a recording artist, single but I think he dates. (Like Barbie girls). What is the best way to talk to him? 

Approaching a guy you like can be scary and overwhelming especially if you don’t know if he’s interested in you.  I have a very simple and easy method to starting a conversation with a guy you like or are interested in, one that I used when I first met my husband six years ago. Not only did I use these keys to start a conversation with my husband (even when it appeared he wasn’t remotely interested in me) but I also used them whenever I went on a date with him or saw him around church or work.  These keys are part of the reason why my husband loved spending time with me, and why we got married after only 11 months of dating.

1) Focus on just getting to know him.

If you approach him for the first time trying to get him to like you, you’ll put too much pressure on yourself.  You’ll end up trying to impress him and the focus will be on YOU and not HIM. 

2) Smile, use eye contact and give him a compliment

When you’re breaking the ice, make sure you smile. A smile and eye contact says you’re confident, friendly and approachable, so show him those pearly whites. And a sincere compliment is a sure-fire way to break the ice and get his attention.  The sister who wrote me could compliment the guy she likes on his musical ability to get things going.

 3) Ask questions to start a conversation and to keep it going.

In this sister’s case, she already has a lot in common with the guy she’s interested in. They both sing, both are recording artists, and both attend the same church.  Starting a conversation with him could be as easy as asking, “So are you working on any new music?”  The point is to get him talking about what’s interesting and important to him.  Keep asking questions to keep the conversation going.  He’ll think you’re interested in him (and if your questions are genuine, you will be) and that will make you more attractive! 

4) Let the conversation flow naturally

If things are going well, and you find out you really do like him and want to continue the conversation, you can suggest the two of you meet for coffee sometime. If you’re comfortable asking him out, ask him if he’s on Facebook or Twitter, and suggest you keep in touch. That way you can keep building a friendship until he asks you out.

None of these suggestions will work, however, if you continue to have a deep-rooted belief that the man is out of your league. For example, if, like this sister, you think the guy is only interested in Barbie doll type girls and you don’t see yourself as a Barbie, you will come across as extremely nervous and unconfident.  You’ll be so focused on not appearing nervous, trying to impress him by saying the right thing, and wondering if he really likes you that all of the focus will be on YOU and not HIM. 

Instead, realize that even if you don’t look like a Barbie doll, you have a lot to offer any man and you’ll be a prize to the guy who is able to win your heart.  You’re starting a conversation with this guy to find out if he’s even someone worth getting to know.  You want to approach him with the belief that you are beautiful, talented, and intelligent, and if he’s unable to see that, then he’s not the guy for you. 

Approaching a guy you like and breaking the ice can be scary and overwhelming but with a strong sense of confidence in who you are and these simple keys to starting a conversation, you can approach any man!