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Is There Only One True Love? Why Soul Mates Are Made, Not Born

By: Aesha Adams-Roberts

 

Is there only one true love for every man and woman in the world? I used to think so. That false belief led me into unhealthy relationships. Let me explain.  I met my ex-fiance at the age of 19. I thought he was "The One." We liked many of the same things and shared many of the same values. He made me feel like I was a princess. We were inseperable. To top it all off, when asked by my father why he wanted to marry me, my ex said "The Lord told me to." (Real romantic, huh?) 

I struggled to let the relationship go even though all the signs of verbal and emotional abuse were there because I thought he was "the ONE" sent to me by God. If only I prayed more or changed who I was, then things would work out. When I talked to his mother about what was going on in the relationship, she gave me a bit of advice I still remember to this day: "He's not your only option." I was confused.

In graduate school, I met another guy who announced, "God said you are my wife." He was nothing like the kind of man I'd prayed for, but if God said it, I reasoned, then maybe He was giving me what I needed, not what I wanted. (I KNOW you've heard that one before).  Things quickly unraveled when I discovered he was dating two other women (that I knew of) on the side.  

Ironically, my husband never said anything about the will of the Lord or fate or destiny or any other phrase we use to describe the fact that there's only one true love in the world.  In fact, he kept telling me he wasn't looking for a relationship.  Once we began dating, I prayed about our relationship, because I didn't want to make another mistake. God said to me, "Pay attention to his fruit." In other words, God was directing me to look at the kind of man he was so I could make the best decision. Sure, there were fireworks, butterflies, and every other emotion you could feel when you're falling in love. But the bottom line was, I was making a choice and so was my husband. We could have married someone else (although I'm sooooo glad I didn't!) 

If there's only one true love for you out of the billions of people living on planet Earth right now, what happens if you make the wrong choice?  What if Harry marries Sally, when he was supposed to marry Suzie?  Well, Suzie's life is messed up because now she has to marry Damien, who obvious is the wrong guy.  Damien was supposed to marry Rachel, who was supposed to marry John. But everybody's fate is now destroyed. In fact, the entire human race is thrown off course! The wrong couples are having babies! What if the baby who is supposed to cure cancer is never born because Harry didn't marry "The One"?  Sounds ridiculous doesn't it?  But that's what happens when we hold on to myths like "the one true love." It sounds romantic and it makes a good love story (The Notebook, anyone?), but it doesn't make much sense.

The downside to this myth is that it opens the door to fear of loss, encourages competition, paralyzes many singles in the dating process, and can create resentment in a marriage ("I married the wrong person!" many people say). Hanging on to this myth can also cripple those who have lost love through death or divorce and who feel as though they'll never love again.  When you understand that soul mates are made and not born, you'll realize you have permission to get rid of the fear loss, and get to work on making the relationship you have amazing!  

But what about the will of the Lord?   Dating is a grey area in the Bible; there aren't any verses telling you, "Thou shalt not date" because, NEWS FLASH, no one went on a date during biblical times!!!!  Here's a truth that will set you free: You come to know His will by understanding His ways.  I believe God is less concerned about who you marry as He is about how you get married. In other words, do you do it God's way? Instead of seeking Him for "the ONE," seek to know the way He wants us to relate to one another. Ask God for wisdom and discernment so you can make the best choice for your life. 

The love of your life is waiting for YOU to create it.  You can have the romance of your dreams but you gotta stop waiting passively for it and go after it!  That's why I wrote a book, so I could come alongside you and show you step-by-step how I overcame my past dating mistakes to meet and marry the man of my dreams in 11 short months.  Let's get started on creating the love of your dreams.

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