My inbox has been flooded lately with YOUR questions about men, dating, and relationships. Questions like: It’s been more than 10 years since I’ve talked to a man, let alone gone on a date. I don’t feel comfortable with online dating, but my girlfriend just told me she met her boyfriend there. What do I do to get started? The men I’m meeting online are asking me out for a “meet and greet.” What in the world is that? Is it the same as a date? I scared of getting in another relationship now after so many breakups. I’m lonely, but I don’t want to make the same mistakes. What should I do? I’m single and having horrible success in the dating arena. What am I doing wrong? So I decided to set aside some time TONIGHT and host a special Q&A where I answer all your juiciest questions about men, dating, relationships and whatever else is on your mind! All you need to do is: Grab your favorite drink: I’m having a Carmel Macchiato with extra caramel) Bring your questions. You can type them write in the comments section and I’ll answer as many as I can! Tell your girlfriends and get ready for some real, raw Sista Talk! I’ll see you there, Dr....
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I know you know what you want in a man. But do you know what you need? I ask all the women who work with me this question, because it’s clear to me that most women who find themselves stuck in a pattern of choosing men who break their heart over and over again, don’t know how to discern a man who is husband material. They’re drawn to the wrong qualities that attract them to toxic partners and friend zone men who would make an amazing husband! I teach them how to “let the man be the man” so that they can easily distinguish between a player and a partner. But what does that even mean, and how can it help you choose a husband? First you need to understand that choosing a boyfriend isn’t the same thing as choosing a husband. From my observations as a coach and matchmaker, I’ve seen sistas choose men because of the chemistry they feel with him. They like the way a man dresses or assumes that because he’s successful in a career, he’ll have what it takes to be a good partner. They like a man with SWAG, without understanding that the man who sweeps you off your feet in the beginning of a relationship will often knock the life out of you by the end of the breakup. I want you in a happy relationship with a husband, not just blown away by a boyfriend. So let me share with you the profiles of three kinds of men you’re likely to encounter in dating, keeping in mind that not all men fall...
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I’ve gotta be real with you about a complaint I’ve been noticing a lot from sistas: “The men I want, don’t want me.” Can you relate? Maybe you put up a profile online and only get hits from men who live in another state or who don’t look like what you described on your list. Or, you feel invisible to the professional, successful men other sisters seem to be able to attract easily and effortlessly. Maybe you are the First Date Queen, and the men who ask you out don’t ever follow up, even though they tell you they will call. It’s frustrating, I know, when this keeps happening. I can show you how to solve this problem–if you’re open and ready to turn things around in your favor for ever. I have a unique perspective, not just as someone who has met & married my husband in 11 months, but also as a professionally trained matchmaker and dating coach who has helped smart, successful sistas get married, end up in long term relationships, and have an active dating life after years of failed relationships and lonely weekends at home. I know it’s not easy being a smart woman who has standards. And when you look out into the dating pool, many of the men just don’t measure up to your list of “must-haves.” The man who is educated…isn’t always exciting. The man who is exciting…isn’t always financially stable. The man who is stable…isn’t always consistent. The man who is consistent…isn’t always intellectually stimulating. The man who is intellectually your equal…isn’t always a 10 on the attraction scale. And on it goes. The fact is, you’ll always be able to find a...
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“I was speechless,” she told me. “I’d never had a man tell me this before. I think he’s The One!” She couldn’t hear me sigh, but I needed to take a deep breath before I told this sister that she was about to make a costly relationship mistake. She was getting excited about a few words a man she’d just met online was telling her, and had already begun imagining a future with him. She didn’t have clarity on the kind of man who would be a good partner for her, and instead was relying on the fantasy that she had about how she’d meet the man of her dreams. Based on her track record of choosing the wrong kind of men who would break her heart, I wanted to help her make smarter choices in dating and relationships and share with her 3 undeniable signs that she’d chosen the right man. Let me tell you what I told her. 1. He Talks About The Future With You In Mind (And Backs It Up With Actions) You know you’re with the right man because he talks about the future with you in mind. And I’m not talking about selling you some dream about what things could look like, because a lot of players and commitment-phobes do that all the time. I’m talking about he uses very specific phrases like, “When we get married,” instead of “if I ever get married.” He’ll make plans about the future, even if the future is simply your next date. He’ll bring you into his inner world, including major decisions he’s contemplating like moving...
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There’s a growing trend among many single women who have grown weary while waiting to meet their perfect match. The trend sees many single women writing open letters to their future husband. Some women have created entire blogs around their letters, and others have presented hand-written notes as a wedding present to their new spouse. Some have even taken to social media. Here are a few examples: #DearFutureHusband wherever you are tonight is where I want to be. Dreaming of shared moments & laughter & endless kisses always. I love you — Godly Relationships (@Gdrelationships) July 18, 2016 #DearFutureHusband The most important thing that we could ever teach our children to do is how to pray & pursue God with all that they have. — micah ☕️ (@micahcjames) July 16, 2016 Though some are just meant to be humorous, others are quite sincere in their messages to their “future husbands.” It’s an incredibly romantic gesture that allows a woman to express her hopes, dreams and, yes, even the fears that she has when she thinks about the man she’ll love for the rest of her life. But as a matchmaker and dating coach, who is also happily married, I have to wonder: Are these “Dear Future Husband Letters” a faith-building exercise or just a fantasy that distracts singles from what it really takes to meet their match? I didn’t write any letters to my husband while I was single, although I did keep a journal. And I often wondered during the hard times of my dating journey if there was a man out there who was praying for me. One...
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Hi Dr. Aesha I follow you on Instagram & I have been meaning to get in contact with you regarding my relationship with someone who I don’t think is good for me but I have grown so attached to him. I have prayed about it so much, but I think God wants me to serve some type of purpose in this man’s life. I just can’t tell what it is. I have been raised in the church all my life so I know about being equally and unequally yoked, but as far as he is concerned, sometimes he just tugs on my spirit man & I can’t avoid it. I just wish that I had more scriptural guidance and spiritual sound advice regarding our relationship. He doesn’t hurt me, or hit me, or disrespect me or anything like that. I just think the nature of how he was raised & how I was raised presents a contrast at times & that’s where the spirit man tug begins. I have love for him, but I don’t like this feeling of being emotionally drained. I sense how empty he is & can be sometimes. I have love freely to give but it seems as if sometimes he is only a source that I pour into and not one that I can also drink from. He sometimes makes me feel like I’m asking for too much when I know it’s just that he doesn’t have that much to give (emotionally & mentally). He is very “street* smart,”( I’ll let you fill in the blanks there lol) but as far as being what...
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I talk with men and women on a daily basis about life and love. And one of the most common points that comes up with all of them have to do with their beliefs about love, marriage, and the opposite sex. For example, I asked two very attractive, professional single women about their love lives. They willingly shared all the juicy details with me. One, a dental hygienist, told me she had met the love of her life on Myspace a few years ago, and he wants to marry her. In fact, he asked her what would she think if he bought her an engagement ring for Christmas. Her answer: “Why are we talking about this?!” When I probed her for more information, she told me she is scared to get married because all of the marriages in her immediate family ended in (an ugly) divorce, and she was certain that it would happen to her too. The dental associate who was working on my teeth at the time said she hoped one day love would find her. “Are you dating,” I asked? “No,” she replied, “I just don’t go out enough. But it’ll happen for me one day–maybe.” The beliefs these two women had about themselves and about marriage shaped the actions they did–or didn’t–take. One was sabotaging her chances for marriage, the other was passively waiting for it to happen. The beliefs a woman has about herself, love, marriage, relationships, and the opposite sex is often the greatest hindrance to her meeting and marrying the man of their dreams, more than any other factor I’ve observed so...
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Dr. Aesha— I see you often proclaim that your husband proposed in 11 short months despite originally shying away front the thought of marriage. However, just about every piece of advice I’ve found, including from your articles, encourages women not to waste their time with men who make it clear from the beginning that marriage is not on the menu…So, which one is it? Should I still communicate with and remain open to a man who isn’t interested in marriage or do I pack my bags and avoid wasting my time? *************************** First, let me clarify something in my love story. My husband was interested in marriage. He wasn’t, however, actively looking for a wife, and he wanted me to know that upfront. Second, there’s a big difference between a man who isn’t ready for marriage and someone who doesn’t believe in marriage. My husband was marriage-minded but wasn’t relationship-ready, which is why I continued to see him, although I didn’t open up my heart to him until after we’d had conversations about where we were headed in the future. I knew he wasn’t just a commitment-phobe because we had in-depth conversations about what we both wanted in the future and he talked about having a family of his own. Once we became official, I went into the relationship knowing full well that we were working toward marriage. So how can you tell if a man doesn’t believe in marriage? Here are 3 warning signs: 1. He tries to convince you that marriage is just a piece of paper. If you ask your man when you’re getting married and he says, “Come...
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