A woman went a great date with a man she’s been seeing now for the past 2 months. After dinner, they went back to his apartment to watch a movie. She felt really cozy sitting next to her man on the couch, when all of the sudden, he looked at her and said: “I need some space.”She freaked out! Her mind began to race as she thought about all of the things she could have done wrong during their date. “I knew this was gonna happen!” she thought to herself. She assumed the relationship was over, but after a quick check-in with her man, she learned all he wanted was for her to scoot over. He needed some elbow room while they watched the movie! What’s the lesson here? You may already know this, but I’m going to say it anyway: Your ability to master your heart and manage your feelings is directly affecting your relationships. You usually make 1 of 3 choices when someone hurts you, disappoints you or ticks you off: React Reject Repress You’ve gotten so good at these responses that they happen instantly and you don’t even realize it! Don’t believe me? Let’s see if these ring true for you: You’re around a man you finally attractive and who is exactly what you’ve dreamt of your whole life. You start thinking, “He probably won’t even want to talk to me. Why would he be interested in me.” You don’t realize you have these thoughts, though. All you know is you feel awkward. So you overcompensate by pretending to be someone you’re not. Isntead of being playful, fun, open, you get stuck in your head. You wonder if...
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Dr. Aesha, I’m in one of your dating classes and I just had to email you after such a great call about dating. I just had a discussion with some coworkers about it and, well, let’s just say that you confirmed what they and my two BFF’s having been saying for some time. When you started talking about where to find men and the statistics of the dating energy that is needed in 2016, tears welled up in my eyes.When comparing myself (you know that thing that we act like we don’t do) to my closest friends who have been married for at least one decade, I think to myself, “Why is it so complicated? What is wrong with me that I have to do so much work to find love? I realize my thinking is a little (ok, a lot) off to say the least. You see I know that marriage is work, but I didn’t think dating should be. I thought back to when I was 16 and allowed to go on group dates it was easy. I understand now that that is before hurt got in the way and the walls came up. So, I am working on shifting my mindset. Can you help me? Feelin’ some kinda way. Yes, sis, I can help you! Watch this episode of Ask Dr. Aesha: I want to hear from you. Please answer one (or both) of the following questions in a comment below. 1) If most of your friends are married, how does that make you feel? 2) What beliefs about dating and relationships are holding you back? For example, do...
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OUR MOTTO: Clear Candid and sometimes Comical Communication Creating Couples and Community! Keeping It 100 is a social event and party where men and women respond honestly and openly to randomly selected, pre-scripted, open ended questions regarding relationship dynamics in an effort to debunk and demystify the myths that often keep the sexes apart or just flat-out misunderstood. Never a dull moment and always a funny one! This year we will also be joined by Aesha (pronounced A-shah) Adams-Roberts, PhD, the premier dating coach and relationship expert and matchmaker! Dr. Aesha will be providing her global perspective on today’s dating scene and what men and women can begin to do and not do to be successful! Afterwards it’ll be time to bring in the holidays with DJ K Neal and party all night with some of Southern California’s most sophisticated and attractive educated professionals! Photos will be taken to capture this amazing event and you’ll be meeting some incredible people from everywhere–so remember the dress code is Holiday California Professional Casual Chic (or just dress like you’re going on a highly anticipated first date). This event is free but does require you to bring a potluck item and/or beverage of your choice. Get registered by clicking here <<<REGISTER FOR THE KEEPING IT 100 HOLIDAY SOIREE>>...
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Hello Dr Aesha, I really appreciate you and the work you do but I have a challenge. I met a guy that has been good to me, we share lots and lots together. I think he was attracted to me but I never thought of it for a day, then all of a sudden, we started spending time together, mostly in church. People see us together and some times I go over to his place. We have kissed countless times, in fact, the attraction is so strong, but in our heart to heart discussion, he said he is being careful and does not want anyone getting hurt. But yet in his free time he is always wanting me around (and the feeling is mutual). We end up kissing and romancing (but no sex, thank God) What do I do, Dr Aesha? Give him time and keep allowing him to kiss me and romance me while I wait for him to commit? He has confessed what he feels for me, he has never felt the same before. What do I do? Give him time by staying away -or give him time by staying close? Moreover, he was never my type of guy except that he is a strong believer like me. Thanks ma’am as I await your response. *** My sister: I want you to kiss with your eyes open! What that means is don’t let your attraction for this man blind you to the truth of who he is and what his intentions are with you. There are two big problems here. 1) This man has given you a disclaimer...
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Dear Dr. Aesha– You’re a lifesaver! I need you in my world 🙂 I’m 38 and feel like an older lady because men in my age range don’t even see me. The only men who give me time are men early 50s-60s. They look and feel like they’re old enough to be my father. What is up with that?! I’ve been told all my life how attractive of an African American woman I am, so I don’t look old or feel old. Please give me your thoughts on why men old enough to be my father are more attracted to me than men in my age group. Thank you, ~NeeNee **** Alright girl. Here’s the deal: You can’t control who is attracted to you. But, when you notice a pattern of behavior, particularly a feeling of being invisible, that’s a sign that there’s something deeper going on in your heart, mind and actions that’s causing you to be frustrated by your dating results. There are 3 ways to address this problem, and if you take fast action, quality men will start to see you! 1. Re-Position Yourself in The Right Dating Pools How are you meeting men? Are you waiting for them to approach you at grocery stores and gas stations? Are you going to singles’ meetups or trying speed dating events? Are you using online dating sites that have a big pool of the kinds of men you want to meet? You have to think very strategically about where you’re going to show up if you want the right man to find you! You may have to adjust your online dating site settings so...
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Hey Dr. Aesha! I am currently trying my hand at online dating and I must say, it is work. A guy last week asked me for a “Meet and Greet” and I’m like “WHAT?” I’ve obviously been out of the dating game for far too long because I had know idea what he was talking about. Can you explain this term for me? Also, do you have a dictionary (or blog post) for other new fangled dating terms in 2016? I think one of the biggest challenges in communicating with men is that we having different meanings attached to what I thought was common words (ie dating, hanging out, chilling, etc). It feels overwhelming sometimes, but I am taking one of your courses, as a friend highly recommended you for helping me navigate these waters. Thank again for all that you do! ~R ***** I feel you, sis. When you’re getting back on the market, online dating culture can make you feel like you need to have Urban Dictionary by your side just to communicate. I didn’t meet my husband through online dating sites, because 10 years ago, there was still a huge stigma attached to it. However, I have helped my clients makeover their dating profiles and then logged on with them weekly to help them screen out men and connect with the quality guys so that they end up in a relationship, so I’ve seen firsthand some of these dating disconnects happen in real time. So let me break down some of the terms you might encounter in your online dating journey: 1. Meet & Greet The purpose of...
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My inbox has been flooded lately with YOUR questions about men, dating, and relationships. Questions like: It’s been more than 10 years since I’ve talked to a man, let alone gone on a date. I don’t feel comfortable with online dating, but my girlfriend just told me she met her boyfriend there. What do I do to get started? The men I’m meeting online are asking me out for a “meet and greet.” What in the world is that? Is it the same as a date? I scared of getting in another relationship now after so many breakups. I’m lonely, but I don’t want to make the same mistakes. What should I do? I’m single and having horrible success in the dating arena. What am I doing wrong? So I decided to set aside some time TONIGHT and host a special Q&A where I answer all your juiciest questions about men, dating, relationships and whatever else is on your mind! All you need to do is: Grab your favorite drink: I’m having a Carmel Macchiato with extra caramel) Bring your questions. You can type them write in the comments section and I’ll answer as many as I can! Tell your girlfriends and get ready for some real, raw Sista Talk! I’ll see you there, Dr....
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I know you know what you want in a man. But do you know what you need? I ask all the women who work with me this question, because it’s clear to me that most women who find themselves stuck in a pattern of choosing men who break their heart over and over again, don’t know how to discern a man who is husband material. They’re drawn to the wrong qualities that attract them to toxic partners and friend zone men who would make an amazing husband! I teach them how to “let the man be the man” so that they can easily distinguish between a player and a partner. But what does that even mean, and how can it help you choose a husband? First you need to understand that choosing a boyfriend isn’t the same thing as choosing a husband. From my observations as a coach and matchmaker, I’ve seen sistas choose men because of the chemistry they feel with him. They like the way a man dresses or assumes that because he’s successful in a career, he’ll have what it takes to be a good partner. They like a man with SWAG, without understanding that the man who sweeps you off your feet in the beginning of a relationship will often knock the life out of you by the end of the breakup. I want you in a happy relationship with a husband, not just blown away by a boyfriend. So let me share with you the profiles of three kinds of men you’re likely to encounter in dating, keeping in mind that not all men fall...
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