Hi Dr. Aesha, I just had to write you this morning. I remember on our one-on-one call you said that when I start feeling like I wanted to give up on online dating to contact you. Well today happens to be one of those days. I met a guy who is 42, handsome and makes me laugh! We’ve talked on the phone and our conversations are always at least an hour long. On Tuesday we talked for over 4 hours. We decided that we would meet up Friday to see each other. On Wednesday, we talked prior to my workout and after that I didn’t hear from him. I had sent him a text of a concert of an artist that he liked that night and he didn’t respond until Thursday. I responded back to him Thursday morning and asked him if we were still on for Friday. As of right now I still haven’t heard from him. I sent him a text before coming to work letting him know that I hope all is well, I enjoy our conversation and was looking forward to meeting up. I’m beginning to feel like I’m not going to hear from him and if I do I don’t know if I really want to talk to him anymore. Communication is by far one of the most important things to me and I’m taking this as a sign that either something is wrong or he doesn’t communicate how I need him to. Anyway, I’m getting frustrated and tired of having to go through this. I’ve met guys that I like and somehow they...
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Hi Dr. A, I had a meet and greet yesterday for coffee with a gentleman I met online. We talked for several hours on the phone days prior to meeting. Although he has told me several times that his marital status is single, that he’s been divorced over 20 years, and that he is interested in getting married again, he still wears a ring on his ring finger. His position was that he liked the ring, he bought the ring so he chooses to wear it. It’s not his old wedding band, he claimed. It’s another ring that he purchased. I was thinking most men don’t wear rings in the first place and was confused why this unmarried man wears a ring on his ring finger, on his left hand. What are your thoughts? Sincerely, Seriously confused ****************** Dear Seriously Confused: I’m usually the one encouraging women not to jump to conscious and to replace your judgements with curiosity when you’re on a date with someone new. I wanted to know what other women thought about this real life online dating scenario, so I asked my Facebook fam about it. Here’s what they said: Hmmm, I would give this some serious thought. I’ve been divorced for several years now. I wear a ring on my left ring finger when I travel and sometimes at work. Keeps the wolves at bay. A man who NO LONGER wants anything PHYSICAL to do with his EX WIFE would NEVER still wearing his wedding ring…period I’ve never been married, but I’ve worn a ring on my left ring finger as a vow...
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Modern dating follows certain seasons and cycles. For example, did you know that on average, high quality men who are looking for a relationship, tend to cycle on and off of online dating sites about every three months. In other words, they’ll put up a profile, reach out to women they find interesting, go out on dates, get frustrated by crazy women who only want to find out how much money they make, and then throw their hands up and say, “I can’t find a woman worth committing to!” Yes, sisters, the guys have bad experiences online as well. However, they don’t stay away for long. In fact, the summer time is a peak time for singles to actively date again. Maybe it’s like Will Smith rapped in his 90s hit “Summer Time”: “It’s like the summer’s a natural aphrodisiac” Whatever the reason, summer is a great time to stop hibernating and get back out there. However, you need to use wisdom when you’re dating in the summer. Why? People may be busy on vacations and so they’re not as consistent with their communication. That guy you connected with online may suddenly disappear on you after a great date and you may think he’s not interested anymore. His feelings may not have changed, but since he didn’t really talk to you while he was on his cruise, he may think that too much time went by to ask you out again. A busy summer schedule isn’t the only challenge to summer dating. You might also meet one of the men who reported on a recent survey by the dating app Hinge,...
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Modern dating follows certain seasons and cycles. For example, did you know that on average, high quality men who are looking for a relationship, tend to cycle on and off of online dating sites about every three months. In other words, they’ll put up a profile, reach out to women they find interesting, go out on dates, get frustrated by crazy women who only want to find out how much money they make, and then throw their hands up and say, “I can’t find a woman worth committing to!” Yes, sisters, the guys have bad experiences online as well. However, they don’t stay away for long. In fact, the summer time is a peak time for singles to actively date again. Maybe it’s like Will Smith rapped in his 90s hit “Summer Time”: “It’s like the summer’s a natural aphrodisiac” Whatever the reason, summer is a great time to stop hibernating and get back out there. However, you need to use wisdom when you’re dating in the summer. Why? People may be busy on vacations and so they’re not as consistent with their communication. That guy you connected with online may suddenly disappear on you after a great date and you may think he’s not interested anymore. His feelings may not have changed, but since he didn’t really talk to you while he was on his cruise, he may think that too much time went by to ask you out again. A busy summer schedule isn’t the only challenge to summer dating. You might also meet one of the men who reported on a recent survey by the dating app Hinge,...
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Have you ever asked yourself, “Why do I keep attracting emotionally unavailable men?” Today I’m going to reveal the truth about unavailable men. I hope you’re ready to hear it. Did you recently meet someone who was: Handsome Educated Aligned with your values He seemed genuine because he had similar experiences as you and dropped lots of hints that he was looking to settle down. (Why else would he mention that he was looking to buy a house and needed someone to help him pick out furniture to make it a home?) Just when you started to fall for him, POOF! He disappeared. Or, worse yet, you invested years of your life with this man, only to finally learn the truth: He had no intention of marrying you! Why did this happen? This may sound harsh, sis, but I have to tell you the truth and shame the devil. Something you are doing is causing you to attract and choose this kind of man! You just don’t know it yet, because you have blind spots. But I’ve helped so many women who were in your exact position break this pattern, learn how to NEVER attract Mr. Unavailable again, and position themselves to be found by a man who was sexy, successful and READY for marriage! In fact I just talked with a group of my former coaching clients last week who spilled the tea on their amazing new relationships. I want to give you 3 shifts these women made that will help you have the same results. 1. Practice Extreme Self-Care My clients discovered that they had to stop putting themselves at the bottom of...
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I was heartbroken. In less than 24 hours, this man went from “you’re my wife,” to “I need to think things over.” As I wept in the car outside his apartment, I asked him what he meant by that, although in my heart, I knew the truth. The next few weeks were hell. I cried hot tears every night, and a few seeped out while I was in my office. “How did I get here…again?!” I kept asking myself. I saw the signs about this guy, but I ignored them. He didn’t have a steady job. “But he has dreams to be a recording artist,” I reasoned. He had a daughter by another woman that he didn’t ever see or support. “I’ll be able to influence him,” I thought. He picked fights with me, called me names like “Lazy bum,” and put me down for getting a PhD. “He’ll change,” I decided. He pushed me to become sexual, even when I said no. “It’ll be alright because we’re getting married,” I hoped. My pain turned to anger as I thought about how much I’d compromised to be with him. I’d given so much of my time, money and body. I allowed myself to open up to another man after healing from a broken engagement and here I was, devastated, broken and alone. Although the breakup was one of the worst experiences of my life, I overcame it and less than 1 year later, I met my husband. If you’ve found yourself suddenly single again and you’re considering closing down your heart to love, let me share with you the exact steps I took to cure...
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Hi Dr. Aesha, I am a 31 year old Caribbean woman living in Florida. I am having a horrible time dating, especially online dating which is very painful and frustrating for me because I keep hearing from people that online dating is a great place to meet quality men. I’ve watched your Vimeo video about online dating for black women and I completely agree. It seems like women of other races have it so much easier to date quality men, especially online. I am willing to do what I have to do to find true love so I am initiating emails to men that I am interested in online but I have a couple questions about continuing to do this. #1- I have always been told and it is noted in so many self-help relationship books that men are the ones to make the first move or else the relationship won’t work in the end because he won’t be the pursuer; that the woman will be treated less than because the guy will subconsciously know that he didn’t have to work in order to get her attention and date her…I initiated my last relationship (which wasn’t online) and eventually the relationship failed because my ex didn’t love me the same way I loved him; I blame myself for initiating a relationship and putting my heart, body and time on the line just to get painfully rejected…are you sure initiating emails with men online is a good idea? #2- What should I be writing in my email to the men that I am interested in online? I have tried sending winks...
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As a matchmaker, I’ve experienced first-hand how flaky men can be in today’s modern dating world. It’s happened more than once, actually. Here’s the pattern: A gentleman tells me he’s interested in meeting my client. He goes through the process of being interviewed and screened and even checks his calendar to set up the date. But when it comes time to make the call and actually meet the woman, he shrinks back. Sometimes he’ll disappear. Other times he’ll cancel at the last minute until he finally tells me he’s seeing someone else, even though it’s not quite serious yet and doesn’t want to hurt my client. Yeah, I know. It’ frustrating for my client and for me! The whole reason women work with me is so I can protect them from the heartache, rejection and confusion that comes from dealing with emotionally unavailable men. I’ve made it my mission to learn more about the signs that a man is emotionally unavailable or not, so I can do a better job of screening them out of the dating pool for my clients. I want to pass along what I’ve discovered so you can know what to do when you meet a man who sends you mixed signals. Here’s what’s so tricky about these kinds of guys: They really want relationships and closeness. We all do! So they’ll say things like, “I’m tired of the dating thing. I want to settle down.” They’ll swear up and down they want a wife but they just haven’t met her yet. He may have been dating for a long time and he says he knows what he wants,...
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