Hi Dr. Aesha I follow you on Instagram & I have been meaning to get in contact with you regarding my relationship with someone who I don’t think is good for me but I have grown so attached to him. I have prayed about it so much, but I think God wants me to serve some type of purpose in this man’s life. I just can’t tell what it is. I have been raised in the church all my life so I know about being equally and unequally yoked, but as far as he is concerned, sometimes he just tugs on my spirit man & I can’t avoid it. I just wish that I had more scriptural guidance and spiritual sound advice regarding our relationship. He doesn’t hurt me, or hit me, or disrespect me or anything like that. I just think the nature of how he was raised & how I was raised presents a contrast at times & that’s where the spirit man tug begins. I have love for him, but I don’t like this feeling of being emotionally drained. I sense how empty he is & can be sometimes. I have love freely to give but it seems as if sometimes he is only a source that I pour into and not one that I can also drink from. He sometimes makes me feel like I’m asking for too much when I know it’s just that he doesn’t have that much to give (emotionally & mentally). He is very “street* smart,”( I’ll let you fill in the blanks there lol) but as far as being what...
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I talk with men and women on a daily basis about life and love. And one of the most common points that comes up with all of them have to do with their beliefs about love, marriage, and the opposite sex. For example, I asked two very attractive, professional single women about their love lives. They willingly shared all the juicy details with me. One, a dental hygienist, told me she had met the love of her life on Myspace a few years ago, and he wants to marry her. In fact, he asked her what would she think if he bought her an engagement ring for Christmas. Her answer: “Why are we talking about this?!” When I probed her for more information, she told me she is scared to get married because all of the marriages in her immediate family ended in (an ugly) divorce, and she was certain that it would happen to her too. The dental associate who was working on my teeth at the time said she hoped one day love would find her. “Are you dating,” I asked? “No,” she replied, “I just don’t go out enough. But it’ll happen for me one day–maybe.” The beliefs these two women had about themselves and about marriage shaped the actions they did–or didn’t–take. One was sabotaging her chances for marriage, the other was passively waiting for it to happen. The beliefs a woman has about herself, love, marriage, relationships, and the opposite sex is often the greatest hindrance to her meeting and marrying the man of their dreams, more than any other factor I’ve observed so...
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Dr. Aesha— I see you often proclaim that your husband proposed in 11 short months despite originally shying away front the thought of marriage. However, just about every piece of advice I’ve found, including from your articles, encourages women not to waste their time with men who make it clear from the beginning that marriage is not on the menu…So, which one is it? Should I still communicate with and remain open to a man who isn’t interested in marriage or do I pack my bags and avoid wasting my time? *************************** First, let me clarify something in my love story. My husband was interested in marriage. He wasn’t, however, actively looking for a wife, and he wanted me to know that upfront. Second, there’s a big difference between a man who isn’t ready for marriage and someone who doesn’t believe in marriage. My husband was marriage-minded but wasn’t relationship-ready, which is why I continued to see him, although I didn’t open up my heart to him until after we’d had conversations about where we were headed in the future. I knew he wasn’t just a commitment-phobe because we had in-depth conversations about what we both wanted in the future and he talked about having a family of his own. Once we became official, I went into the relationship knowing full well that we were working toward marriage. So how can you tell if a man doesn’t believe in marriage? Here are 3 warning signs: 1. He tries to convince you that marriage is just a piece of paper. If you ask your man when you’re getting married and he says, “Come...
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Hi Dr. Aesha, I have a complicated dating question. I have a crush on a friend. A very good friend. I literally liked him the moment I saw him. Not sexual attraction, but I could read that he had a good spirit. I met him because one of his best friends and I dated for a month (!) BUT we both decided very quickly that we weren’t a good fit (he’s since moved out of state and is happily involved). Over the last few years, him and I became relatively close, and usually hang out in groups. I still like him but I’m more sensitive and guarded since a bad situationship, so I’m more avoidant. I definitely care for him sincerely as a friend. I would say we have a special connection, but if he were interested, he would have said so already. I just want to let it go now. One of our mutual friends thinks he likes me but that he can’t tell that I like him so he won’t say anything to mess up our friendship. She is suggesting I let him know before I let it go. NOW – I don’t believe in pursuing men at all ESPECIALLY if the stakes are this high (I could be rejected, lose a friend, things could get terribly awkward) but I also know that nothing good comes without some risk. What do you think? ***** Hey sis, I can’t tell you exactly what to do, but I can help you think through some things that may have prevented your friendship from blossoming into a romantic relationship. First...
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I got this question in my Ask Dr. Aesha inbox the other day: “How are you to feel about men you disqualified as a good match for yourself, and then they turn around and start dating other women and do everything you wanted or were waiting or were expecting them to do with you? I’m trying not to take it personal that a guy who was just kinda always texting me (but never making clear plans, clear intentions and then stopped with the vague things once I told him I need clarity) just started dating someone who he seems to be doing all that with? Is it me? Did I come off too strong? This is an all-too-common problem in modern dating. You meet someone. He texts you every day. You think he likes you. You kinda like him. He keeps you in a grey area, always hanging out, never defining this “texting” relationship, never making plans in advance to go on a real date. You communicate directly that you’re looking for a relationship and you need clarity. He disappears. You find out he’s in a relationship with someone else and is doing all the things you desired from him. It feels like rejection! Why weren’t YOU good enough for a relationship? You start comparing yourself to the other woman. What does she have that I don’t? You begin to feel insecure. Was it something I said? You remember the pain from the last time a guy did this to you, and your belief that all men will eventually hurt you is strengthened. Let me help you with this. It’s not you....
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You just want to love and be loved. So why is it so hard to attract a good man who believes in commitment when you’re a successful Black woman? On this training call, I’m going to tell you what most relationship and dating gurus never dare to expose: the truth about why dating is so challenging when you’re a highly educated, high achieving, purpose driven, successful sista. (Yes, your suspicions were correct, girl!) On this free call, you will discover: The very simple, PROVEN system my clients have followed that resulted in 90% of them being engaged, in long-term relationships or actively dating (2-4 dates per week) in the last 12 months Why 100% of my successful clients report feeling more confident, peaceful and in control of their futures with the skill set to have options in dating instead setting for any ole person that comes along Why successful singles avoid dating by focusing on their careers, families and other activities, and how they used my amazingly supportive coaching system to break their patterns of hiding, putting themselves last, dating the wrong men or feeling anxious about whether a relationship would really work out. Why I’m getting DMs, emails, and invites saying “thank you,” “I wouldn’t have met him if it weren’t for you,” and even “I’m getting married in 2 weeks!” How you can create an action plan that you can execute within the remaining months of this year and begin building a brand new love life from scratch Make sure you register now! <<CLICK HERE>> Then put this preview call on your calendar right away. Date: Wednesday, September 28, 2016 Time: 9 PM EST Look, I know you’re busy so if you can’t make it...
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“I’m 57. Booty calls are a dime a dozen, but a relationship worth having is rare at my age.” This comment came from one of Facebook followers. Yes, when you’re smart, successful and dating in your 50s you face a unique dating pool. I’ve worked with some women who are Fab & Fifty who have never been married and others who are re-entering the dating scene after a divorce or death of a spouse. What they’ve encountered are men who still haven’t matured (yes, age isn’t an indication a man has grown up yet!) or who are wanting to date around because they were married for most of their lives and now want to just “be friends” and “enjoy one another’s company.” Some have emotional and financial baggage and are trying to recover from a divorce or a lifetime of poor financial choices. When they do meet a man who wants a wife, these men are often looking for a younger woman or they act like old men who are so set in their traditional ways and just want someone to cook, clean, and play nurse when they get sick. Some of them really are sick, like the man Essie was seeing. “He said with all of his health issues, he wasn’t sure he wanted to involve me in that. But he’s happy to have my company.” But it is possible to meet a partner in your 50s! Let me share tips from the work I’ve done with a client named Essie (not her real name) 1. Reinvent yourself Using my Making Room For The One System, we took...
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“Maybe it’s just not meant to be.” I could hear the hopelessness in her voice, even though she tried to convince me she was happy being single. My former roommate was approaching the age of 40 and she was freaking out because she hadn’t found a husband. Her biological clock was ticking and since she didn’t have any prospects, she figured it’d be easier to just give up on her dreams instead of holding on to hope that she’d find real love. I couldn’t let her give up. She was my sister-friend, and she deserved to be happy. She was beautiful, talented, giving, and a successful career woman. I knew she would make a great wife and mom. We were hanging out in her master bedroom, with me watching her as she was cleaning out her cluttered closets. All of a sudden, I blurted out: “You gotta make room for love! Just like you’re cleaning out your closets, you gotta clean out your life so the right man can come in.” Then I told her I could see her holding a beautiful baby boy with big, round eyes. Later that day, we went to the mall. As soon as we stepped through the doors, we saw a sign that read, “MAKE ROOM.” The building was being renovated and these signs were everywhere we looked. I knew it was a divine download. God was giving my sister-friend a lifeline of hope, but it was up to her to reach out and take it. In a few short months, my sister-friend called me. She’d met someone! They got married a year later and she asked me to pray for her as they...
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