So you finally put yourself back out there. You mustered up the courage to swipe right on Tinder. And after a few text messages he asks the dreaded question: “So why is a woman like you still single?” You start typing a response but then freeze. You’ve been single a long time. You think to yourself, “If I tell him why I’m still single after all these years, he might think something’s wrong with me.” You end up ghosting him because you just didn’t know what to say. Until now. As a dating coach, I believe asking “why are you still single” is an awkward question to start off a great date. Obviously, both parties need to be single in order to start dating, so there tends to be a question behind the question. Some guys want to make sure you’re not chronically single because you’re emotionally unavailable. Others are trying to figure out if they actually have a shot with you, and they want to know if other guys are sliding up in your DMs. Some just don’t have good conversation skills and they ask because they have nothing better to say on date. If you feel defensive or don’t pick up on the real question the guy is asking you, you could say something petty that messes up the energy of the date. I want to coach you with 7 clap backs you can use when a man asks you why you aren’t boo’d up right now. Most clap backs are purposefully petty, but I want to give you back pocket phrases you can use that keep you focused on...
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If They’re Body Shaming Beyoncé, What Will They Say About ME? I’ve been peeping Beyoncé and Jay Z’s On The Run II concert through hashtags on Instagram. Beyoncé is usually a controversial symbol of female pleasure and sexuality. So many sisters have felt like men only want a woman who looks like her. But to my surprise, Bey has been the victim of harsh body shaming! Comments like these are showing up on every video & pic of the concert: “Bey looks thick. I notice she’s been wearing spanx” “Her thighs don’t match her butt!” “What’s that plastic under her shirt? Is that to distract you from her pregnant belly?” “This outfit make her look like she had some work done.” “She move like she got kids now. She looks tired.” “I keep seeing this rounded pelvic look.” Never mind the fact that Bey is doing a freaking WORLD tour, singing and dancing with the same energy she did 15 years ago… the body shaming just won’t stop. It’s not just the cyber bullying that has me mad. It’s the fact that so many of my powerhouse, successful clients–women just like you–have expressed secret self-doubts about their looks and these hidden thoughts sabotage their dating success. Let’s see if you can relate to these statements: “If I cut my hair, men won’t be interested in me. But I’ve been wearing wigs and weaves for so long my edges are getting damaged. I just can’t do it anymore!” “My thighs are still too big. I work out 5 times per week but my man said if I lost 10 more pounds I’d be...
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It’s been 3 intense weeks together with this man you’re dating and you can see yourself marrying him. You’ve spent every waking moment talking, texting and going on romantic dates. Everything just feels right. But when you come up for air, your logical mind kicks in and you question your feelings. Are you moving too fast? You may have heard stories of couples who met on Friday and got married on Sunday and they’re still together 20 years later. My own love story happened quickly: 11 months after I met my husband, we got married. But there are times when a relationship moves too fast because you’re getting caught up in the feelings of falling in love and you’re not taking the time to build a solid foundation to make it last. Check out these 5 signs that you need to pump the breaks and slow your new relationship down a bit. Sign #1: He tells you “I’ve never felt this way before.” I dated a guy who declared his love for me and claimed that I was his wife within the first week of us dating. He told me “I’ve never felt this way before!” and at first, I thought he was just opening his heart and being vulnerable with me. After enduring an emotional roller coaster with this man filled with cheating, lying, and heartbreak, it became apparent that he was emotionally unstable and not ready for the realities of a relationship. To this man, “I’ve never felt this way” was a sign that he was addicted to the good times in a relationship, but unable to...
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If you don’t have a problem meeting men but you can’t seem to keep one long enough to make into a serious relationship, I want you to stop what you’re doing and take the next 90 seconds to read this very carefully! Despite what you’ve been taught to believe by all the gurus out there, the issue isn’t because you’re too independent and successful and men don’t know what to do with you. And it sure ain’t because there aren’t any good men out there even though your Girls’ Night Out conversations make you feel like all the good ones are taken. The real problem is… You haven’t mastered the skill of influence. And influence is all about communication. The BIGGEST communication breakdown I’ve personally helped my clients overcome so that they could finally enjoy the passionate, exciting, fulfilling relationship their heart was longing for, was what I call the Yanny vs Laurel Communication Syndrome. If you’ve been anywhere near social media in the last 24 hours, then you know that the Yanny vs Laurel debate is tearing the internet apart. There’s a recording of someone reading the word “Laurel” but some folks are hearing Yanny?!!! What?! What do you hear?! Yanny or Laurel pic.twitter.com/jvHhCbMc8I — Cloe Feldman (@CloeCouture) May 15, 2018 The difference I hear in Yanny vs Laurel is frequency, focus, and perspective. In other words, what you’re EXPECTING to hear shapes what you actually hear. The first time I listened, I actually heard Yanny in the high tones…then when I looked at the word Laurel and focused on it while I silently in my mind, suddenly, all I could hear was Laurel…Laurel…Laurel…in the low tones....
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If you don’t have a problem meeting men but you can’t seem to keep one long enough to make into a serious relationship, I want you to stop what you’re doing and take the next 90 seconds to read this very carefully! Despite what you’ve been taught to believe by all the gurus out there, the issue isn’t because you’re too independent and successful and men don’t know what to do with you. And it sure ain’t because there aren’t any good men out there even though your Girls’ Night Out conversations make you feel like all the good ones are taken. The real problem is… You haven’t mastered the skill of influence. And influence is all about communication. The BIGGEST communication breakdown I’ve personally helped my clients overcome so that they could finally enjoy the passionate, exciting, fulfilling relationship their heart was longing for, was what I call the Yanny vs Laurel Communication Syndrome. If you’ve been anywhere near social media in the last 24 hours, then you know that the Yanny vs Laurel debate is tearing the internet apart. There’s a recording of someone reading the word “Laurel” but some folks are hearing Yanny?!!! What?! The difference I hear in Yanny vs Laurel is frequency, focus, and perspective. In other words, what you’re EXPECTING to hear shapes what you actually hear. The first time I listened, I actually heard Yanny in the high tones…then when I looked at the word Laurel and focused on it while I silently in my mind, suddenly, all I could hear was Laurel…Laurel…Laurel…in the low tones. What does this have to do with why you can’t keep a man (stay with...
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Have you heard of Third Date Syndrome? It’s the confusing and frustrating dating pattern of never getting past the third date with the man you really like. The scenario looks like this: Date #1: After a bit of nervous laughter & awkward silences the conversation begins to flow. You sit so close to each other that his Versace Black Crystal cologne lingers on your sundress. WHEW! Date #2: He called and asked you out again. You’re excited! You wear your red bottoms and FashionNova jeans because he’s taking you to the local jazz lounge. The butterflies in your stomach make you feel like this could be The One! The warm hug and long kiss at the end of the night confirms it: The CHEMISTRY is off the charts! Date #3: He invites you to a Saturday hike but something’s “off.” He’s polite but not passionate. Is he into me? Did I say something wrong on the phone? Are my spanx showing? He promises to call you after the date, but after a few a flirty texts, he disappears. When a man ghosts you after what seemed to be momentum toward a long-term commitment, It’s easy to fall into the trap of two types of “stinkin’ thinking”: WHAT’S WRONG WITH MEN??? You may find yourself talking with your girls over brunch saying things like, “men all say they’re serious about relationships, but they’re just playing games! I’m gonna need one of these brothers to go the distance for a change, DOGGONE IT!” And at the end of busy week, your mind might race with thoughts that make you feel like...
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Are you a victim of déjà vu dating?. If your group chats with your best girlfriends are filled with complaints like– “Why does it always end up the same way? We’re in love, but he won’t commit. I shut down, then we’re in a limbo state. Before I know it, he’s on Facebook posting pictures with his new boo, and telling the world he’s going to get married. What’s wrong with me?” –then you are trapped in a cycle of either choosing the wrong man, (or making the wrong choices with the right one). Déjà vu is the feeling you get when you’re in a new situation but it feels like you’ve already lived through it. Déjà vu dating, then, is that feeling you get when you keep meeting the same man with a different face. You’re stuck in a pattern but you can’t seem to break free. I want to help you breakthrough this frustrating and vicious cycle so you can stop wasting time and choose a lasting relationship. Breakthrough #1: Finish Your Past Relationships One reason you keep choosing the same types of men is you have unfinished business from past relationships. Hear me: I know you feel like you’re over it and you may not even talk with your ex anymore, but you’ve got to know that all relationships leave an imprint on your heart and soul. When you don’t clear the emotional impact of the past, you could spend a lifetime unconsciously seeking out new relationships to fix the old wounds. Stephen B. Poulter, Ph.D. calls this the Ex-Factor. “The accumulation of lost dreams, broken promises, disillusionment, regret, emotional setbacks, disenchantment with...
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Have you ever been with a man for a while (let’s say 6 months) and he was clearly enjoying your company, but he never defined the relationship? You wanted to know– “where is this going?”– but you silenced your voice because you didn’t want to pressure him. You’re not sure how to have “the Talk,” but the question remains, you’re all in, is he? Or, maybe he told you in the beginning that he could see marriage and a family in his future, but when you did have “The Talk” with him about commitment, he seemed surprised because he thought you were fine with the way things are right now? This has you wondering because you’re all in but is he? What started out as a promising future ended up in heartache and confusion. Did you miss the signs? Was he lying to you about his intentions? Should you have just waited for him to bring it up? If you’ve ever been in this situation, and you’re wondering whether he’s all in, I need you to turn off that new Cardi B album and pay attention, because we need to have a conversation about the mistakes you’re making when you have “The Talk” with a man about commitment. The Talk Mistake #1: Waiting for one big talk to tell him your intentions The biggest mistake I’ve personally seen powerful, strong, successful sisters make is waiting for one special moment to bring up your desires for a monogamous relationship. This is a mistake because you can waste precious time and you give him all the power to define the relationship. You also put a...
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