We’re continuing with our recap of my inaugural Be Found Luxury Retreat. (click here to read part 1). I want to share insiders secrets on how the ladies learned to capture a man’s attention with an authentic flirting style and by SLAYING a dating wardrobe and then they put what they learned into practice during our Secrets From The Barbershop Man Panel. Can you relate? So many of the women I work with feel confident in their careers but feel invisible or awkward around the kinds of men they like. So we solved that problem on day 2 of the retreat with two POWER PACKED workshops from my superfriends, Kim Seltzer and Scheli Jones. Kim is a confidence and flirting expert who works with women to hep them create their own signature flirting style without feeling desperate or thirsty. The ladies LOVED her tips and she used one of the guys in the room to demonstrate the power of eye contact and a smile. Scheli is a certified image consultant and life coach who helps you transform your relationship to your body and slay any outfit you put on so that you walk into a room like you own it. She walked the ladies through a head-to-toe makeover using her Image Bible. She taught us how to choose the right designers for our body types and which colors, hairstyles and make up work best for you. After a fabulous lunch with my VIP ladies, we returned for our Man’s Panel, what I called Secrets From The Barbershop. We had 6 brothers give all their man secrets about...
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We just wrapped up my inaugural live luxury retreat for smart, successful single Black women, Be Found: How To Properly Position & Prepare Yourself So Love Can Find You. The room was packed with sistas from DC, New York, Atlanta, the Carolinas, Seattle, Ohio and Southern California, and everyone experienced a dramatic transformation as they learned exactly how successful Black women can get and keep a man faster than you thought possible. Unlike other seminars for single women, Be Found is an experience designed to empower you by not just transforming your romantic relationships, but also by helping you to create a life that’s poppin’ so that you’re not just successful, but you’re happy! This means that we did inner work and outer work so that women had the confidence to not just slay in their careers, but also be seen as wifey by the right man. On day one, our VIP attendees were treated to a 30-minute chair massage from Melt on Demand, an amazing new app which brings trained massage therapists right into your home, office or hotel room. We all melted like butter and everyone gathered in a gorgeous luxury home for our Red Heels Mixer. We gave each other those “The Color Purple” type hugs, because it was the first time we were meeting in person! And ya’ll, the sistas came dressed to impressed, honey! We laughed, enjoyed homemade red velvet cupcakes by Pretty Simple Cakes that were better than your grandmama’s recipe (I’m NOT kidding!), and wrapped up the night with some fun photo booth photos! During the party we played games and did exercises that created...
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Quick question: How would you handle these two common relationship problems? (Be honest and give me your blink answer!) 1) The man you just started dating suggests you come over for the third date so he can cook for you. You don’t feel comfortable with that yet, but he keeps insisting you come. 2) Your man embarrasses you at a work function and when you bring it up to him, he withdraws, shuts down or blows up at you. I wonder if you’d make these communication mistakes that I see Strong Black Women make every day. Mistake #1: You become icy cold. You shut down and pretend like you’re fine when you know you’re not. You just don’t say anything and stuff your feelings down, maybe with a glass of wine, some ice cream or by binge watching Real House Wives of Atlanta. Mistake #2: You tell him off! (Insert hands on hips and neck rolls here). Tears, curse words, and red hot anger flow out of you like hot lava. The problem doesn’t get solved and you feel even further away from your partner. Does this sound like you, {!firstname_fix}? If so, you’re stuck in a crazy cycle of dysfunctional communication and if you don’t fix this now you’ll either shipwreck your relationships on the icebergs of your repressed resentment or you’ll burn up the connection with your man with your fiery anger. Before I share the solution, I want you to listen to how my client, Jen, learned a brand new way to communicate. She discovered that making this change caused a whole different kind of man to show up in her life and now…well you just have to listen to her story: (watch the video...
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Dr. Aesha, The man I’m dating is 12 years older than me. I must admit, I had my reservations about him at first, but he is the best man I’ve ever known. We get along well, and enjoy each other’s company. All the men my age have never been this consistent, kind, or fun! Anyway, I decided to finally tell a few close friends about him, and they all had something negative to say. They all think that he’s too old for me, and that we won’t have many years together because he could have serious heath issues over the next 10 years (even though he’s healthy right now). Deep down I wonder about that too, but I’m really happy with him and don’t want anyone else. ****** Girl, tell your friends, “Bye Felicia!” They love you and want the best for you, but your friends are not relationship experts or date coaches, so their advice isn’t going to be based on research about what makes relationships work, nor will it align with what YOU want for your life. Your girls are telling you what they want for themselves, and that’s ok. Most people give advice based on their own perspectives and experiences. But they forget that they don’t have to live with the decisions you’ll make. Will they be there on your lonely midnight hours after you break up with this guy just because he’s “too old?” Do they have another man handpicked for you who they can guarantee you will like (and who will like you in return?) What will they say if you follow their advice and end...
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Dr. Aesha, I’ve been seeing this guy for almost two years now. It’s long distance (he lives about 2 hours away). My question is, when is it too soon to label what we have? I consider anything over a year a relationship, but he calls it “getting to know one another.” We do more texting than anything. I would say 90% of the time we’re texting, and he will come see me twice a month. So I told him that whatever we have going on can no longer be because of the fact the I’ve been more than patient with him and I don’t want to waste anymore of my time with this “getting to each other better ordeal”. He explains to me that he knew that this was coming sooner or later. So for a week I didn’t call or text him. Then he decides to call and we talked for an hour, which never ever happened before. But to make a long story short he really doesn’t have a lot of time because of the line of work that he does. But he agreed to call me every evening. My question to you is what do you make of this. Oh, let me not to forget to mention that we’ve never been on a date..🙄🤔 yea I know.. no dinner, no movie, no nothing. (I know you must be thinking that I’m crazy right). Thank you for your listening ear. ***** No, sis, I don’t think you’re crazy, but I do think you’ve already wasted too much time with this situation. I’ve got to be honest and...
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Hey Dr. Aesha– Help!!! I’m single…and thirsty. I will go into a venue and hope that there are less females there so I will get noticed. It’s like growing up poor and hoarding the food. I even started visiting churches to scope out the guys but it’s too hard to tell who is single. I’m open to online dating but I feel the same way about it. I’ll wonder who else they’re seeing on there. Freaks me out, sometimes to the point where I shut down. I usually end up meeting guys when I’m running errands and it’s the farthest thing on my mind..I just want to find mine before he’s scooped up! What’s your word on being hella thirsty and afraid at the same time (SMH) Thanks!! ***** Alright sis, I want you to take a few deep breaths before we have our chat. There are a few things causing your desperation in dating, and I want to help you get to the bottom of it. First, you need to understand that we’re only thirsty because 1) we have needs we aren’t addressing 2) you’re withholding something from yourself. For instance, if you wake up in the middle of the night feeling dry and you reach for a glass of water, it’s because you didn’t meet your hydration needs during the day. So I want you to consider that you have some unmet needs that are driving your thirst and causing you to feel afraid of losing love. I can help you shift your thinking around being thirsty and turn your desperation into determination in this powerful, eye-opening broadcast...
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Today’s episode address a question about Black men who have always dated outside the race, and then come back to Black women. Oh snap! Does that make you feel some kind of way? Here’s the question from Theresa: I’m dating a guy I really like. But here’s the issue: All of his past serious relationships have been with white women, a Dominican and a light skinned Black woman. He’s over 50 years old! Where do I fit into this equation? I’m sooo different! I’m a REAL Black woman, dark and thick chile’! I’m just wondering how I was even considered based on his past choices. I don’t want to be anybody’s experiment. Dr. A., I loathe interracial relationships especially between a black man and white woman because I feel that the men who choose them think they’re better than Black women. I see it as a DISS towards sisters. A white woman can have any ethnicity she wants! Black men and Black women should be together! How do I not judge him on the fact that he didn’t have relationships exclusively with Black women? –Theresa If you take it personally when a Black man dates “Becky with the good hair,” then you MUST tune in to this episode of Ask Dr. Aesha. Watch...
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“Dr. Aesha– How do you date if you have a troubled childhood & dysfunctional family and you want to be with someone who has a healthier family? I’m not ashamed of my family persay, but I do have keep my distance at times with them because they’re a bit much. I struggle with the idea that I may be considered not good enough by a man with a healthier family because of those things. I assume they also want women from equally strong & normal family units. But that’s what I want. I want to form connections with a healthy family. Am I being realistic?” ~Family Drama Got Me Down Alright sis, If you’ve ever felt like you’re doomed because your family background isn’t squeaky clean, you’ve got some crazy family members or you’d be embarrassed to bring your man around your mama because he’d think you’ll turn out just like her in 20 years, (hello, somebody!) then you MUST listen to my advice, because everything you’ve been taught about “generational curses” is wrong. Watch here: Alright, fam, let’s talk about it! How would you feel if you were dating someone who had a less than healthy family background? Is it a dealbreaker? Share your thoughts...
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