Dear Dr. Aesha, After reading a few of your articles I truly am intrigued by your advice and wisdom. I am seeking to gain understanding of my current situation. A few months back I met a man, we had good chemistry on the first date and dates to follow. He truly would show interest in me; surprise Valentine’s Day date, supporting me at functions, listening to my issues and offering advice etc.. 3 months into dating we start talking about a few of his issues like unhappiness with himself, work progress and past relationships (his personal feelings made him think I was asking for a relationship, although I never did). So he thinks it’s best we break things off. I let him know that’s fine with me… I understand…. A month and a half later I reach out to say Hi, how are you doing. He says “I was just thinking about you earlier this week.” Go figure, right. He expressed he’d like for us to catch up and go out. I can’t lie. At this point I just brush him off. After a second conversation a few weeks later I ask him if he’s back on the dating scene. He avoids the question by saying “I am ready to see you again” noting that he isn’t ready for a relationship. I express that a relationship is the ultimate goal. So am I wasting my time if I entertain him again? I feel like after a few months this man should know if he’d want to pursue a relationship with me or not. ~Anonymous **** Hey girl, Here’s the short answer. Yes. You’re wasting your time. But I...
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A Surprising Reason Why You Attract The Wrong Men By: Dr. Aesha Dear Dr. Aesha: Why do I attract the not-so-good men? I just don’t get it. –Fed Up ******************************************************************* Dear Fed Up, Let me begin with a little story. Imagine that there was a little girl who went through some trauma and abuse. She never told anyone what happened to her because she thought it was her fault. She grew up thinking she was a “bad girl” and did everything in her power to prove she wasn’t. She tried to be perfect at school and at home but she could never shake the feelings of shame and worthlessness deep inside her. Once boys finally became interested in her, she loved the attention. But when they started treating her badly, instead of walking away, she held on tighter because she was afraid of being alone. Even though she really wanted to be treated like a princess, deep down she didn’t believe she deserved it. So, each relationship began and ended the same way: with lies and heartbreak. When she learned to forgive the people who hurt her, reject the lies that she was never good enough, and receive the truth about who she truly was, she finally met the man of her dreams who did treat her like a princess. I was that little girl. I share this story with you because it explains why so many of us sabotage ourselves. In other words, we say we want something—a better career, a better relationship, a better life—but deep down we don’t believe we deserve it. We have deeply held beliefs that we...
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“Never Settle” And Other Bad Dating Advice That’s Keeping You Single By: Dr. Aesha I refuse to settle! I can do bad all by myself! Relationships are hard work! If you’re single & you’re saying one of these common phrases, you could be blocking your Boaz from showing up! I have to warn you. I’m about to share truth with you that could set you free. But it might make you mad first. I promise, however, that if you stay with me, you’ll get clarity on dating and relationships that will elimiante your frustrations forever. 1. “I refuse to settle!” You’ve been taught by countless relationship experts to never settle for less. So what’s so wrong with refusing to settle? The problem is how we define and apply the word “settling.” It’s one thing to never settle for a relationship where you’re being mistreated and undervalued. You shouldn’t settle for a man who won’t commit to you, who cheats on you, or who thinks he can come back and forth into your life whenever he wants to! It’s another thing to say you won’t settle for a man because he doesn’t fit every criteria on your Perfect Man list. For example, I’ve watched a sister refuse to go out again with a good man because he didn’t open the door for her on a date. Another sister won’t date men who have retired early because she thinks all able-bodied men should work (even if he does receive a great retirement check and has plans to enjoy it!) Yet another sister eliminated a man who didn’t make her laugh on the first phone...
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How Your Feelings Are Messing Up Your Relationships By: Dr. Aesha You already know this, but I’m going to say it anyway: Your ability to manage your feelings is directly affecting your relationships. You see, you usually make 1 of 3 choices when someone hurts you, disappoints you or ticks you off: React Reject Repress You’ve gotten so good at these responses that they happen instantly and you don’t even realize it! Don’t believe me? Let’s see if these ring true for you: You’re around a man you finally attractive and who is exactly what you’ve dreamt of your whole life. You start thinking, “He probably won’t even want to talk to me. Why would he be interested in me.” You don’t realize you have these thoughts, though. All you know is you feel awkward. So you overcompensate by pretending to be someone you’re not. Isntead of being playful, fun, open, you get stuck in your head. You wonder if the last thing you said was stupid. You can’t get a word out! You feel rejected when a man disappears after a date or stops calling you. You take it personally and then say things like, “All men lie! None of them are serious about relationships.” You take down your online dating profile and decide to take a break from dating. Maybe you’r already in a relationship, and your partner says something that hurts your feelings. You haven’t been taught to communicate openly and truthfully so you don’t say, “Babe, that really hurt me. I’m angry with you! Please don’t say that again.” Instead, you cut your eyes, suck your teeth, and tell...
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FREE WEBINAR! No More Frustration: How To Stop Wasting Your Time With The Wrong Men and Start Attracting A High Quality Man Who Wants To Marry You…NOW! By: Dr. Aesha What if you could see into your future and discover that your husband was just around the corner, if you’d only try again? Look sis, on the way to being found by the man you’ve always dreamed about, there are a lot of disappointments: Disappointing dates Disappearing men Devastating breakups It can make you feel like you’re wasting your time! You get so frustrated that you tell yourself, “Maybe God doesn’t want me to have anyone yet. I’m ok with that.” But you and I know the truth: You have a longing deep inside of your heart to be seen by the right man, loved by him, and cherished forever. I want you to get honest with yourself and I want you to consider that all those setbacks and disappointments were not a waste of your time. Everything you tried that didn’t work out, put something inside of you! Your past, no matter how disappointing and frustrating, is not your identity. It is your preparation for the husband in your future! I’m going to show you how to take your frustration and use it to fuel your future in my FREE online workshop: No More Frustration: How To Stop Wasting Your Time With The Wrong Men & Start Attracting A High Quality Man Who Wants To Marry You…Now! Monday May 18, 2015 at 9 PM EST/8 PM CST/ 7 PM MST/ 6 PM PST On this training, you’ll learn: ...
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3 Simple Ways to Recognize Your Boaz Without a Supernatural Sign By: Dr. Aesha Have you ever prayed, “Lord, show me if He’s the One! And if he’s not, remove him from my life!” If so, I’m here to tell you those words are not the best way to recognize your Boaz. Here’s why: Most women who pray this are leaving it up to some supernatural sign, when God wants you to have wisdom and discernment so you can make the best choice. They say things like: He prayed over his food, so I figured he’s a God-fearing man I’ve never had a man quote scripture to me to encourage me before. He must be The One! He liked me, so I gave him a chance. He said he’d marry me tomorrow if I stopped being so demanding, so I let him be the man, even though I felt like I was suppressing myself. What if you didn’t have to look for signs or change who you were, and instead had a clear map to choose the best man for you? It’s possible! Here are 3 tips to help you get started: Read more at my blog on...
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The #1 Reason Why You Are Pushing Him Away By: Dr. Aesha You know the feeling. At first, things are amazing! Maybe you had to be convinced to give this guy a chance. He went out of his way to woo you, calling you, texting you, pursuing you, until you finally went out with him. He wasn’t the kind of man you’d usually date, but you could see he had some great qualities, the kind of qualities you’d want in a husband. And then, it happend. He starts changing. The quirky things you do that he said he loved–snorting when you laugh, asking a bizillion questions on the phone, reaching for his hand in public, start to annoy him. You can feel him pulling away, but you’ve decided not to say anything. Maybe if you just change those things that make him mad, he’ll come back to you. So you don’t talk as much as you used to. You keep the conversation light and fun so you don’t cause any arguments, until one day, you can’t take it anymore and you freak out! “Where is this going? Do you still love me? Where do I stand with you?” He blows up at you in a way that scares you. Or maybe he completely shuts down and barely mumbles a word. What in the world has happened? Is he pulling away…or are you pushing him away? Here’s the number 1 one way to tell if you’re pushing him away. Check to see if you are afraid. Fear is the enemy of connection. It keep you from being vulnerable and without vulnerability, there...
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Should a Woman Ever Ask a Man Out On a Date? By: Dr. Aesha Would you ever ask a man out on a date? Before you answer that question, I think you should read these women’s stories. “I picked my husband up 18 years ago! He was the first man I ever picked up & let’s just say it worked out! Lol…one of my best moves in history to date!” ~Shauna “The evening I met my husband, we were leaving the event, we exchanged numbers, and the next day “I called him.” I knew he would be my husband the day I met him. I didn’t want to lose him. He was surprised that I called him, but he was also GLAD! DO IT!”~ Pat “I did and married him 3 years later.” ~Lisa “I love to take a man out. He sees how you like to be treated and realizes you care. Let the man take the lead after the first date.” ~Tanya So I’ll ask you again. Would you ever ask a man out on a date? If your first reaction is, “Girl, please! No. NEVER!” you’re not alone! You probably feel that men are supposed to lead. You might think that they’re turned off when a woman pursues a man. Maybe you’ve been taught that men are the hunters, and if you aren’t a challenge, they won’t take you seriously. I’d like to offer another perspective that may open you up to more opportunities to meet men, and who knows, you may even meet The One like my married friends shared in their stories. 1. There are many different...
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