Ask Aesha: How to Attract Better Relationships, Keep Kids Out of Your Room, and Create a Meal Planning System By: Aesha Adams Roberts Welcome to this issue of our online newsletter! I'm excited to answer your questions today in our Ask Aesha column! You've been emailing me, sending me DM's and inboxes on Twitter and Facebook on questions ranging from dating, to meal planning, to parenting. I've chosen these three because they'll help the most people: How did you learn how to make better choices in relationships? ~Leticia Leticia, I share a lot of my story in my book and I share the roadmap it took for me to go from low self-esteem, unable to trust people, and making poor choices in dating (including become engaged to a verbally abusive man and dating a guy who had several women on the side). What changed for me was how I thought about myself. We attract who we are and our thoughts are the foundation of who we are. Our thoughts are formed by the enviroments we were raised in, hurts, traumas, words spoken over us, and experiences we've had. Once you begin to change your thoughts, you'll change who you attract to your life. The process began for me when I found out that God said I was His beloved, that I was valued and I was accepted. Embracing those thoughts helped me recognize when a guy didn't have similar thoughts about me and I started making better relationship choices. You can do it! My kids burst in the bathroom when I'm taking a shower. They'll hang around in...
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Baby Steps To Success: How Starting Small Can Create Big Changes in Your Life and Relationships By: Aesha Adams-Roberts Have you ever watched a baby take his first steps? My 1-year-old son started walking after Thanksgiving. Once he got the hang of standing on his own, we began encouraging him to walk on his own. I'd stand a few inches away from him, my fingers just beyond his grasp. He looked unsure of himself. Hesitant. Afraid, even. No amount of coaxing, cooing or coaching could get him to budge. It was only when I offered to let him hold my hand that he'd move his feet. Soon he was confident enough to walk through our house, holding one of my hands with a grip so tight, he'd be able to sense if I tried to let go. Then one day, the look in his eyes told us he was ready. He took one shaky step by himself. We giggled and cheered and laughed! His big sister took charge and created a game out of it. He began following her around the house, stumbling every now and then. Sometimes he'd fall, but we just cheered, helped him stand up, and let him try again. Now he's practically running through the house. He still loses his balance occassionally, but he picks himself up and starts again. There's something about helping your baby take his first steps. You wholeheartedly believe in him and support him whether he succeeds or fails. Success in life-dating, marriage, parenting, managing a home, building a career–is a lot like teaching a baby to walk. It...
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Tips to Get More Done in Less Time By: Aesha Adams Roberts "Oh my gosh! I have so much to do . . . " I used to think these thoughts every morning when I woke up. I didn't wake up to an alarm, I woke up to stress! I've since discovered that stress is an inside job. It starts with our thoughts: how we think about our circumstances, for example, instead of the nature of our circumstances. How else can I explain that I was overwhelmed as a mom working full-time outside the home AND as a stay at home mom? My thoughts about all the stuff I had to do–whether it was grading papers or cleaning toilets–affected my stress levels. I paid a high tuition at Stress U, but now I've discovered some tips and tricks to get more done in less time. Here are three of my favorites: 1. Choose your thoughts I discovered I spent a lot of time and energy thinking about the stuff I had to do instead of actually doing it! Whenever I find myself going there, I take out a pen and write down the things I have to do. It clears my brain so I dont' waste time trying to remember it and helps me see that my daily tasks aren't as overwhelming as I thought. TIP: break your To-Do list into categories so the list doesn't feel so overwhelming. Long lists with 23 items on them send a signal to your brain that you've got too much to do. Break it into chunks and you've visually...
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How To Fight Fair By: Aesha Adams Roberts Finger pointing. Blaming. Interrupting. Yelling. Intimidating. I couldn't believe that the 2012 Presidential Debates had deterioriated to this. With our political leaders behaving like this, it was no wonder that the presidential race caused a lot of conflict in relationships across the country. It's not just our politicians that don't know how to fight fair. Most of us haven't been mentored in healthy ways to resolve conflict in our relationships. We resort to manipulation, yelling, divorce and more. There is a way to fight fair without ruining your relationships. Before I share tips on how to fight fair, let me make something clear. Conflict is a healthy part of a relationship because it shows you are two thinking individuals who have different perspectives and opinions. For example, you and your partner may disagree about how to spend money, or raise the kids or politics. Eliminating conflict isn't your goal. It's learning how to resolve conflict without opening the door to strife: James 3:16 says, "For wherever there is jealousy (envy, resentment) and contention (rivalry and selfish ambition), there will also be confusion (unrest, disharmony, rebellion) and all sorts of evil and vile practices [AMP]. Strife is the ugly, heated, bitter disagreement that opens the door to confusion and destruction in your relationship. Avoid strife at all costs if you want to fight fair! How do you do that? Here are 7 tips: What is your purpose in the argument? To win? To be right . . .and prove it? Remember, strife is about selfish ambition and competition. Fighting from a...
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What to Do When You Feel Stuck In Life and Love By: Aesha Adams Roberts "Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now on and make a brand new ending." Carl Bard Have you ever felt stuck in life? I have. At times it was a feeling of being unsure about my life's purpose and wondering whether getting my PhD was following my dreams or someone else's; Other times I felt utterly insignificant as a stay-at-home mom, covered in poop, trapped in the house, and cooking and cleaning all day. We can all get in a rut in our life and relationships from time to time. I believe it's human nature. However, there are things you can do to get "unstuck." What did you love when you were a child? You were born to be amazing . . . and you knew it! (If you have kids, you know what I mean). Life can sometimes beat the life out of you and you begin to believe the lies that you're not good enough or smart enough or pretty enough. Self-doubt creeps in and whispers in your ear telling you pursuing your passions is an impossible dream. I've seen it as a college professor as I've mentored students and I've seen it as I've mentored those are either searching for Mr. Right or thinking they married Mr. Wrong. My students believed the lie that their dream to be an actor wasn't practical and would make them a "starving artist," so they chose a path of studying something they weren't...
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Mistakes and Miracles of 2012 By: Aesha Adams-Roberts What a year 2012 has been! At this time last year I was in labor and delivery, giving birth to my son in an unexpected natural birth (read that story here). It was a dramatic climax to a roller coster pregnancy. Many of you were here with me on that journey where I battled horrific nausea and vomiting, hospital visits, home health care, IVs and invasive medical procedures. At times it felt like I couldn't go another second . . . but now the pain is just a memory. Going through the process, I couldn't even imagine how anything good could come out of that experience–other than holding my baby in my arms, of course–but boy was I in for a surprise! That experience of losing my health put me on a path of making drastic changes to my lifestyle: physically, we began eating organic food, using essential oils, and discovering remedies that brought health and healing to our home. Emotionally, we began taking control over our life and our time. Instead of living for others, we decided to live the life we designed. As a result, my marriage grew to another level and I became less overwhelmed as a mom! Spiritually, I came to understand how deeply God loves me and how much He wants me to live my best life. We made a lot of mistakes along the way, but we also saw miracles! (If you look closely at your life, you'll see mistakes and miracles too!) It's been my honor to serve you this year, sharing what...
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Why You Don't Need More Balance In Your Life The key to an amazing love life, a fun family life, and achieving your goals in 2013 By: Aesha Adams-Roberts You don't need more balance in your life. I know those are fighting words for some of you because you've been told that the reason why you're so stressed out or why your house is so messy or why your life seems out of control is that you need better balance. I was told that too and believed it for many years . . . until I discovered there's a better way. Trying to balance your life is the same as trying to walk a tight rope with a pile of spinning plates in each hand. You focus on trying to make sure the plates in your hand don't tip over. At the same time, you need to make sure you don't fall off the tight rope! So you try to spend enough time with your kids, work with excellence on your job, romance your spouse (or if you're not married, search for the person of your dreams), hang out with friends, and volunteer at church. When you feel exhausted or frustrated, you think to yourself, "Something's out of balance. Maybe I need to take care of myself." But you can't wrap your brain around how you'll find time for self-care without leaving something else undone. It's just like trying to add another spinning plate to your hands; at the same time you begin slipping off the tight rope! If this sounds familiar, you're not alone! As...
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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! By: Aesha Adams Roberts It's been an honor serving you this year. I look forward to connecting with you here and on social media each and every week! My family and I just want to say thank you! As you gather with your families and friends, please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers! My Christmas wish for you is something you can't find in a store: peace, joy, and overflowing love! Enjoy your day! Love, Aesha, Roy, Amani and Roy the Third 🙂...
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