A Fresh Look at Family Values By: Aesha Adams-Roberts What are your family values? I know that term can spark a firestorm of debate, so please, before you put up your dukes, let me clarify. "Family values" has become so overused, taken up by politicians and other talking heads that we either a) have negative feelings about it or b) have no feelings about it. Rest assured: I'm not talking "If you don't have a traditional family, you don't have family values" when I ask you that question. What I'm asking is, what is so important to you and your family, that no matter what, it guides your decisions on a daily basis? For example, I started working as a freelancer to help my family while my husband's job was affected by the hiring freeze. (He's since been hired! Whoo hoo!) It was a fun way to put my PhD to work, work from home, and continue my part time business. I quickly got hired for an easy data entry job. All I had to do was post products from a website to the business owner's social media profiles. Easy enough! It wasn't until I was hired that I discovered the website was an XXX adult site selling lingerie and other, unmentionable items. I wasn't upset that he owned such a site; I was upset that he never told me. I found out by logging onto the site, out in the open while my kids played a few feet beside me! What would you do? We needed the extra money, but the site itself and the...
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Tips for Newlyweds: Growing a New Marriage is Like Being a First Time Parent By: Aesha Adams-Roberts "My due date is 4 days away. Will someone tell this child that we're ready to meet him and to just come out please! I'm so over being pregnant. I just want to be done!" I chuckled to myself when I read my cousin's Facebook status and then sent her a few words of encouragement. Almost every mom can relate to her feelings. The last few weeks are the hardest. You're running to the bathroom every 5 minutes. You can't sleep. You're hungry and tired all the time, and even though you're scared to go through labor and delivery, you're just too darn tired of being pregnant to care! Can you relate? I experienced similar feelings when I was single. I'd made the hard choices. I said no to the relationships that weren't healthy; I started working on myself, preparing for a serious relationship that would lead to marriage. I endured being alone on the weekend when a date with anyone would have filled the loneliness. Sometimes I waited through tears. I was so over being single! There's relief that comes when you finally get what you've been waiting for. You did the hard work and now you can enjoy it! The baby comes and holding her for the first time makes you forget about all of the sickness, aches, and pains it took for her to get here. You meet the man of your dreams and he makes you forget all of the loneliness and hurts from...
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Bad Advice About Dating, Marriage, and Parenting and What You Should Do Instead By: Aesha Adams Roberts Have you ever noticed that when you start dating, get married, or have kids, you're suddenly surrounded by all kinds of advice? Most people mean well . . . but not all advice is good advice. In fact, a lot of it is bad. I asked my Facebook community to share bad advice about dating, marriage and parenting they've received. I was shocked by what they shared! Here's what they told me: "Don't believe anything a man says…" "Girl you've got to train yo man!" (As if he's a dog) "Your son needs to be in public school, you shouldn't homeschool him, it's not right!" "You guys aren't sleeping together yet? I only waited ten days…waiting till marriage is ridiculous! What if he's bad in bed?!" "Oh, so you letting your wife wear the pants in your own household!! Are you going to listen to your wife or are you going make the decision on your own??" "Just give the kids what they want so they shut up." "Don't get serious with him yet. You are young, have other boyfriends" Shocking, isn't it? But just because someone gives you advice, doesn't mean you have to take it! If I would have listened to every opinion coming at me as a woman, wife, and mother, I would be confused, my marriage would be on the rocks, and I'd be stressed out as a mom. Here's the deal: Unsolicited advice is often a sign of manipulation and control, especially if the...
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Yesterday, I wanted to give my family a healthy treat so I decided to make some almond-flour chocolate chip cookies. The recipe seemed simple enough so I whipped up the batter, put it in the oven, turned on the timer and walked away. I was expecting some warm, chewy cookies. Instead, when I opened the oven, this is what I saw: Oops. They tasted fine, but didn't look so good. Why am I sharing this with you? We all make mistakes. The question is, what do you do when it happens? Do you beat yourself up, finding ways to "punish" yourself for not being perfect? Or do you shake it off and try again? Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. But if you don't, you'll live a life of regrets, when there's a life of freedom promised to you! There's an amazing life waiting for you. You might burn some cookies along the way, but perfection is overrated anyway! You'll have more fun in life and relationships being real. I believe in you, ...
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Creating The Life YOU Want To Live Is A Lot Like Meal Planning By: Aesha Adams-Roberts She must be lucky . . . He seems to have it all . . . Have you ever looked at someone else's life and thought that? Let me let you in on little secret: what often looks like "luck" is really a combination of planning, preparation and passion! Creating the life YOU want to live is a lot like meal planning: start with the end in mind! For example, if I'm stretching my grocery budget for the week, I think about meals I could make using similar ingredients but will still give us variety. That may include organic chicken quesadillas on sprouted tortillas with rice & beans on the side, refried bean and cheese burritos, chicken & broccoli stir-fry, and broccoli-cheese soup with homemade organic cornbread. My next step would be to write down the ingredients, make a shopping list, and decide how and when I'll cook the meals. The secret to a good meal plan is taking the time to write it down! Instead of wandering the grocery aisles, wondering what's for dinner and grabbing a bag of chips because your stomach is growling, a written plan helps you know exactly what you need to make a healthy meal, where to get it, and what to do with it when you get home. Most of us get that starting with the end in mind with a meal plan makes things much easier. What if you applied this principle to other areas of your life? Would it make dating, marriage,...
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How I Went From Celebrating "Single Awareness Day" to Enjoying Valentine's Day With The Man of My Dreams By: Aesha Adams-Roberts "Will you be my valentine?" The words blinked at me from the screen. I was a flooded with mixed emotions: "How dare he! After all the drama and lies?! Well, maybe he's changed. At least I'd have someone to talk to and I won't be alone." It was Valentine's Day, but it felt more like Single Awareness Day to me. My ex was trying to get me back after a bad break up. I was lonely and so I considered it . . . until I remembered we broke up because something was broken! It was a challenge to say no to the short-term "fix" to my loneliness. Seeing all those smiling, happy couples just made the longing in my heart that much stronger. But I had a dream that one day I'd give my heart to someone who would be a safe place for me. I knew that dream wouldn't be fulfilled by looking back over my shoulder at what "could have been." I would only get there by focusing on my future, one step at time. The next Valentine's Day, I was celebrating with my fiance! Question: What is your dream? Are you longing for the right person to step into your life? Do you desire a marriage that is healed, restored and passionate? Are you praying for a deeper connection with your kids? Maybe you're making lifestyle changes like losing weight or eating organic? Let me encourage you: When you're...
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Valentine's Day Date Ideas By: Aesha Adams-Roberts Do you celebrate Valentine's Day? Some people enjoy the romance inspired by this love holiday; others hate the fact that it reminds them of their singleness. Still feel pressured to be romantic, while others are haunted by childhood memories of rejection. I want to challenge you to see this day from a fresh perspective. Let's go beyond a dinner and movie and use this day to connect with each other on a deeper level, to truly celebrate our love for one another, no matter where we are in our life's journey. Here are 15 Valentine's Day date ideas to help you celebrate whether you're single, in a relationship or married with kids! Have a dinner & dessert night. One of you chooses the place for dinner; the other chooses the place for dessert! No babysitter? No problem! Treat your kids to a date night. You'll show them what to expect when they get older. Then put them to bed & have your fun later *wink* Put 3 separate date ideas in an envelope. Tell your date to pick one & then go do it that night! Recreate your first date Gaze at the stars outdoors or at a planetarium Have an indoor picnic Scatter love notes around the house Create a "Love Scavenger Hunt" Visit an open-mic night at a local coffee house or club Go to local art show (Tip: check out a college campus for local talent and cheaper admission) Take a free dance lesson at a dance studio Have a marathon movie night (think Lord of the Rings...
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Human Trafficking The Super Bowl and Beyonce's Halftime Show By: Aesha Adams-Roberts I should have turned it off. But like 100s of millions of people around the world, I was lured in. I squirmed, joked, and talked my way through it, although deep inside I knew I needed to turn away. It wasn't until I read this post by homeschooling mom, wife, and multi-million dollar business owner, Sandi Krakowski that I understood my ambivalent feelings: "That halftime show was just as degrading to women as the trafficking that surrounds that event. Parents, please talk to your kids :(" Ouch. Her post spurred comments ranging from rage against her to religious rhetoric about women and their place in the world. Very few caught the true message. Sandi wasn't saying that Beyonce was promoting human trafficking. Instead we need to understand the marketing behind her image and message. In other words, Beyonce's perfomance, just like many of the Super Bowl commercials, was attempting to persuade us, to influence our beliefs, to cause us to take actions. Sure, she's an incredible singer. But what happened on that stage was just one more message our culture sends about unhealthy addictions to sex. Her performance works like a Coke commercial. The images create a blueprint in our mind, so the next time we are thirsty we reach for a Coke. What do unhealthy sexual images cause us to reach for? All I had to do was watch the reactions to her performance in my Facebook newsfeed to confirm. Married men OPENLY posted about how turned on they were; Married women talked about how...
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