My Review of Tyler Perry's Temptation: Can a Marriage Survive Infidelity? By: Aesha Adams Roberts Whenever we go to the movies, my poor husband has to listen to me analyze the movie on the way home. I can't help it. It's the professor in me, I guess. As a college professor, I taught my students that we are constantly bombarded with messages from movies, music, TV, websites, and more. These messages are attempting to persuade us to believe one thing over another. If we view these messages as "just entertainment" we won't be aware of how they could shape our beliefs. I taught my students to be active and fully present when they listened to these messages. I challenged them to move beyond whether or not they liked a movie or its creator. Now that I am a relationship & family expert, I want YOU to be active and present when you see these messages. So take out a pen and paper, because class is in session! I recently saw Tyler Perry's recent movie, Temptation [SPOILER ALERT]. So many people said that Temptation had a good message. I'm assuming they're talking about his portrayal of infidelity and how it can have painful consequences for everyone involved. I would agree with them. In fact, most people would agree that infidelity has painful consequences. But, like my friend and infidelity expert, Dr. Ebony Utley shows in her review of the movie, Judith bears the weight of those consequences and is unfairly punished for being a bad woman. (Click here to read the full review.) Judith ends up on drugs and alcohol,...
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Ask Aesha: Is My Husband Controlling Me? By: Aesha Adams Roberts Today's Ask Aesha post comes from a woman who wants to know if a recent disagreement over her cell phone usage is a sign she's married to a controlling husband. **** Dear Aesha: I have been married for a while now and sometimes I feel my husband wants to control me. For example, just last week I was playing a game on my phone and he told me I am on it too much. But I'm not, I was taking time out for me that day and my motherly and wifely duties were taken care of. He told me, "What if I cut your phone off?" I said, "I guess I won't have a phone." The next day he told me, "If you are on the phone when I get off work, I am taking your phone." So I wasn't. I was really scared to be on the phone when he got off because of what he said. There are other things as well, but I don't think there's enough space to tell you. So what do you think? Mrs. I'm Not Sure *** Dear Mrs. I'm Not Sure: Having been in a controlling relationship myself, I am deeply sorry that you went through this. Based on what you've told me, there are some obvious signs that your husband was controlling you. First of all, his question "What if I cut your phone off" uses financial power to control your behavior. It also is very manipulative to ask you the question so that you would indirectly...
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Ask Aesha: My Son and Boyfriend Don't Get Along By: Aesha Adams Roberts Dear Aesha: My boyfriend and my son have a love/hate relationship and they fight because my son lacks a bit of motivation and sometimes has a lazy reaction about him. What should I do? He's finally working now, but only wants to make money to get him back to New Mexico from Wisconsin. He said that he'd rather be homeless. It breaks my heart terribly. He's 22. Thank you! Margaret **** Dear Margaret– First of all, you are not alone when it comes to dealing with relationships issues as a single parent. Many single moms wonder about when to introduce their boyfriend to their children and what to do if the kids don't get along with him. Although I don't know all the details of your situation, I can tell you that all behavior issues are heart issues. Instead of assuming the problem is because your son is "lazy," find out what's going on in your son's heart. Why would he rather be homeless than stay under the same roof with your boyfriend? Assumptions are dangerous because they cause us to jump to conclusions without knowing all the information. One single mom I know had a similar situation with her teenage son. Her son and boyfriend did not get along. Once she got engaged, the two were constantly at each other's throats, and the fiance told the mom it was because the son was disrespectful. It wasn't until the mom discovered that her fiance was a con artist (literally!) that...
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Family Food FAST: Easy Meatball Recipe For Busy People By: Aesha Adams-Roberts “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well” ~Virginia Woolf The English professor in me loves this quote by writer Virginia Woolf because it reminds me of all the great times I had teaching writing and literature. The wife and mother in me loves this quote because I've seen firsthand how important it is to not just feed my family, but to NOURISH them! Dining well for my family means whole, organic foods from scratch 90% of the time. It means meals with good quality proteins like grass-fed beef, organic chicken, wild-caught salmon and homemade pinto beans; good fats like avocados, coconut oil, olive oil, almond butter and nuts; properly prepared grains that are low carb, easily digested and gluten-free; and it means sweet treats I make from scratch using sweeteners like raw honey, agave nectar, and stevia. Dining well can help you think well, love well, and sleep well! I know it can be tempting to grab a frozen meal or go through the drive-thru when life gets crazy. If that's where you are, I understand! When my husband was deployed and I was working full time outside the home with a toddler, I went through the drive-thru almost every night! The thought of cooking a meal when I still had a stack of papers to grade and lesson plans to write stressed me out, and grabbing something to go seemed like my only option. Now I've learned to make amazing, delicious meals for yourself and...
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The Family That Almost Wasn't: How I Overcame Bad Decisions by Roy Roberts Jr. Walking from the car to our house after taking family pictures, I looked at my wife and said, "look at our little family." I watched my 4 year old bounce back and forth, just as happy as she can be. I looked at my 11 month old son as he lay in the arms of my sister-in-law Shannon! I thought to myself, Wow! Look at what God has blessed me with. There is a reason why I'm so grateful and thankful for my family. It almost never happened! What? What do you mean? If I'd never taken the job to teach NROTC at Marquette University, I would have never moved to Milwaukee, WI, I would have never met my wife. As a matter of fact the job was almost taken away from me. It was 2005 in Japan. I was assigned as the Training Officer on the USS BLUE RIDGE. It had come time for me to select orders for a new duty station. I was excited to finally be able to go on shore duty. One of my top choices was to be an NROTC (Naval Reserve Officer Training Corp) Instructor and the only spot open for me was at Marquette University. So, I gladly accepted. Well prior to leaving Japan I had gotten myself involved in some things I shouln't have and I began to make some questionable decisions. It got to the point where my commanding officer began to question whether or not instructor duty was the right fit for...
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Three Tips To Find Out What Men Really Think about Love By: Aesha Adams Roberts Does he like me or is he just being nice? I remember being so frustrated with dating because it seemed that some of the men I liked were sending me mixed signals. One man in particular seemed to have all the qualities I was looking for: good looking, respectful, a Christian with a heart for youth and overseas missions, a hard worker, and did I mention good looking? Some days he’d act like he was into me, while other days it seemed I was invisible to him. I couldn’t put my finger on it. It was all a mystery to me. Before I came to the conclusion that he just didn’t know what he wanted, I wasted a lot of time. Have you ever wondered what men really think about love? Or about women in particular? Have you wasted time trying to figure out what they want? A couple of weeks ago I surveyed the men who are a part of our Facebook community. I, along with some of the women, was surprised with what they told me. (I’ve only used their initials to honor their privacy): Aesha Adams-Roberts: Brothers help us out. What 3 things do you wish women knew about men that would help us treat you better? Pastor MDR: That we don't think like you do. That we need to lead even though we know who really is in charge. And we hate to have things held against us even after we have apologized. 1, 2, and 3. I'm just saying… Fellas...
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Could Gluten Be The Cause of Your Relationship Problems? By: Aesha Adams Roberts A wife I've been mentoring contacted me yesterday after her first session with a marriage counselor. One of her first assignments was to stop eating wheat! Her counselor recommended she read the book, Wheat Belly by William Davis, a renowned cardiologist. She wants her to begin eating a whole foods diet and to eliminate gluten BEFORE they begin addressing some of the other issues the wife is concerned about. What does GLUTEN have to do with happiness in a marriage? As it turns out, a whole lot! Gluten can affect everything from a person's weight, to their emotional stability, to fertility and digestive issues! I've shared how changing my family's diet from highly processed foods to organic, whole foods has improved our health and relationships. (Click here to read that article) Could a simple change like eliminating wheat and gluten improve yours? I challenge you to read the book and decide for yourself. Maybe the answer you're looking for in your life and relationships is simpler than you thought 🙂 If you're ready to make a change, I'll be here every step of the way! Come on over to my Facebook page and share your thoughts, questions or comments. Click here to come to my Facebook...
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How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Relationships By: Aesha Adams Roberts I first learned about boundaries in relationships when I was dating. I struggled to end an unhealthy relationship. After all the lies and drama, I knew in my heart I no longer wanted to be with him, and had even told him that. I was assertive, direct, and even angry. But he was able to convince me to meet with him to "talk about it." He admitted to sneaking around with other women, said he was sorry and even cried! I took him back. It wasn't until a friend of mine shared an analogy with me that I began to see that I needed to set healthy boundaries in relationships. "Would you let a bum open the front door, sit down in your bed, trash your house, and live there?" she asked. "No." I said without hesitating. "Why not?" "It's not his house! He doesn't have the right. . . I didn't give him permission to live there." "Then why are you letting this guy trash your life? You've left the doors open. You need to set some boundaries now." My friend was right. I didn't have clear boundaries that communicated what I required before I allowed access to my life. My boyfriend was treating me like trash because I told him it was ok! What are boundaries? Boundaries are limits you create that define your values and show people how to treat you. They reveal what you will and will not do, and what you will and will not accept from others. Boundaries communicate value for...
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