Quick question: How would you handle these two common relationship problems? (Be honest and give me your blink answer!) 1) The man you just started dating suggests you come over for the third date so he can cook for you. You don’t feel comfortable with that yet, but he keeps insisting you come. 2) Your man embarrasses you at a work function and when you bring it up to him, he withdraws, shuts down or blows up at you. I wonder if you’d make these communication mistakes that I see Strong Black Women make every day. Mistake #1: You become icy cold. You shut down and pretend like you’re fine when you know you’re not. You just don’t say anything and stuff your feelings down, maybe with a glass of wine, some ice cream or by binge watching Real House Wives of Atlanta. Mistake #2: You tell him off! (Insert hands on hips and neck rolls here). Tears, curse words, and red hot anger flow out of you like hot lava. The problem doesn’t get solved and you feel even further away from your partner. Does this sound like you, {!firstname_fix}? If so, you’re stuck in a crazy cycle of dysfunctional communication and if you don’t fix this now you’ll either shipwreck your relationships on the icebergs of your repressed resentment or you’ll burn up the connection with your man with your fiery anger. Before I share the solution, I want you to listen to how my client, Jen, learned a brand new way to communicate. She discovered that making this change caused a whole different kind of man to show up in her life and now…well you just have to listen to her story: (watch the video...
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Dr. Aesha, The man I’m dating is 12 years older than me. I must admit, I had my reservations about him at first, but he is the best man I’ve ever known. We get along well, and enjoy each other’s company. All the men my age have never been this consistent, kind, or fun! Anyway, I decided to finally tell a few close friends about him, and they all had something negative to say. They all think that he’s too old for me, and that we won’t have many years together because he could have serious heath issues over the next 10 years (even though he’s healthy right now). Deep down I wonder about that too, but I’m really happy with him and don’t want anyone else. ****** Girl, tell your friends, “Bye Felicia!” They love you and want the best for you, but your friends are not relationship experts or date coaches, so their advice isn’t going to be based on research about what makes relationships work, nor will it align with what YOU want for your life. Your girls are telling you what they want for themselves, and that’s ok. Most people give advice based on their own perspectives and experiences. But they forget that they don’t have to live with the decisions you’ll make. Will they be there on your lonely midnight hours after you break up with this guy just because he’s “too old?” Do they have another man handpicked for you who they can guarantee you will like (and who will like you in return?) What will they say if you follow their advice and end...
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Dr. Aesha, I’ve been seeing this guy for almost two years now. It’s long distance (he lives about 2 hours away). My question is, when is it too soon to label what we have? I consider anything over a year a relationship, but he calls it “getting to know one another.” We do more texting than anything. I would say 90% of the time we’re texting, and he will come see me twice a month. So I told him that whatever we have going on can no longer be because of the fact the I’ve been more than patient with him and I don’t want to waste anymore of my time with this “getting to each other better ordeal”. He explains to me that he knew that this was coming sooner or later. So for a week I didn’t call or text him. Then he decides to call and we talked for an hour, which never ever happened before. But to make a long story short he really doesn’t have a lot of time because of the line of work that he does. But he agreed to call me every evening. My question to you is what do you make of this. Oh, let me not to forget to mention that we’ve never been on a date..🙄🤔 yea I know.. no dinner, no movie, no nothing. (I know you must be thinking that I’m crazy right). Thank you for your listening ear. ***** No, sis, I don’t think you’re crazy, but I do think you’ve already wasted too much time with this situation. I’ve got to be honest and...
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Hey Dr. Aesha– Help!!! I’m single…and thirsty. I will go into a venue and hope that there are less females there so I will get noticed. It’s like growing up poor and hoarding the food. I even started visiting churches to scope out the guys but it’s too hard to tell who is single. I’m open to online dating but I feel the same way about it. I’ll wonder who else they’re seeing on there. Freaks me out, sometimes to the point where I shut down. I usually end up meeting guys when I’m running errands and it’s the farthest thing on my mind..I just want to find mine before he’s scooped up! What’s your word on being hella thirsty and afraid at the same time (SMH) Thanks!! ***** Alright sis, I want you to take a few deep breaths before we have our chat. There are a few things causing your desperation in dating, and I want to help you get to the bottom of it. First, you need to understand that we’re only thirsty because 1) we have needs we aren’t addressing 2) you’re withholding something from yourself. For instance, if you wake up in the middle of the night feeling dry and you reach for a glass of water, it’s because you didn’t meet your hydration needs during the day. So I want you to consider that you have some unmet needs that are driving your thirst and causing you to feel afraid of losing love. I can help you shift your thinking around being thirsty and turn your desperation into determination in this powerful, eye-opening broadcast...
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Today’s episode address a question about Black men who have always dated outside the race, and then come back to Black women. Oh snap! Does that make you feel some kind of way? Here’s the question from Theresa: I’m dating a guy I really like. But here’s the issue: All of his past serious relationships have been with white women, a Dominican and a light skinned Black woman. He’s over 50 years old! Where do I fit into this equation? I’m sooo different! I’m a REAL Black woman, dark and thick chile’! I’m just wondering how I was even considered based on his past choices. I don’t want to be anybody’s experiment. Dr. A., I loathe interracial relationships especially between a black man and white woman because I feel that the men who choose them think they’re better than Black women. I see it as a DISS towards sisters. A white woman can have any ethnicity she wants! Black men and Black women should be together! How do I not judge him on the fact that he didn’t have relationships exclusively with Black women? –Theresa If you take it personally when a Black man dates “Becky with the good hair,” then you MUST tune in to this episode of Ask Dr. Aesha. Watch...
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“Dr. Aesha– How do you date if you have a troubled childhood & dysfunctional family and you want to be with someone who has a healthier family? I’m not ashamed of my family persay, but I do have keep my distance at times with them because they’re a bit much. I struggle with the idea that I may be considered not good enough by a man with a healthier family because of those things. I assume they also want women from equally strong & normal family units. But that’s what I want. I want to form connections with a healthy family. Am I being realistic?” ~Family Drama Got Me Down Alright sis, If you’ve ever felt like you’re doomed because your family background isn’t squeaky clean, you’ve got some crazy family members or you’d be embarrassed to bring your man around your mama because he’d think you’ll turn out just like her in 20 years, (hello, somebody!) then you MUST listen to my advice, because everything you’ve been taught about “generational curses” is wrong. Watch here: Alright, fam, let’s talk about it! How would you feel if you were dating someone who had a less than healthy family background? Is it a dealbreaker? Share your thoughts...
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Top 5 Reasons You Need A Matchmaker and Dating Coach By: Dr. Aesha When people hear what I do for a living, I get a variety of responses. Some people are curious. Others get defensive and think I’m trying to say something is wrong with them. They assume that when I hand them a business card, I’m telling them they can’t get a partner on their own! So I think it’s time to set the record straight. I want to clear up the confusion about what I actually do as a dating coach and relationship consultant and explain the top 5 reasons why you need one. I know many folks in the Black community have never heard of a matchmaker until they saw Patti Stringer on Millionaire Matchmaker. We’re so used to meeting people at church, the gym or grocery store and we’re still a little suspicious of online dating. As women, we were taught not to do anything otherwise you’re acting thirst or desperate. You may have told that it’s the man’s job to find you. “I’ll just wait til the right person comes along or God sends ’em.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this! But how can he find you if you’re on your coach every weekend, with your doo rag on, catching up on Greenleaf, Empire and How To Get Away With Murder? Why not find someone who can show you exactly how to position yourself in the right dating pools so that your perfect partner can find you? I believe part the reason why our community doesn’t reach out for help in...
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“You know, looking back, I’m so glad he broke up with me!” she exclaimed. It was our last session, and my client was reflecting over everything she’d learned in just a few weeks of working together. She’d gone from no dates in 5 years, to 3 dates in one month! The biggest secret to her dating success was that she’d discovered how to learn the lessons from her past relationships. “The most powerful thing you showed me how to do was to let go of the unresolved pain I had from the past,” she said. “I was carrying this burden around for 14 years! I feel like a different person now.” I want you to be set free from the guilt, shame, anger or disappointment you may be carrying from your past by sharing with you 5 things you can learn from your bad relationships. Through these 5 lessons, you’ll understand that you didn’t waste your time: you learned something! Lesson #1: You were attracted to the wrong person If you’re really honest with yourself, you’ll discover that your ex wasn’t all that great. You may have fallen in love with his personality. Maybe there was off the charts attraction. But when you take a deeper look, you’ll discover that he was emotionally distant or just completely incompatible with you. His character flaws led to your breakup and if you accept this truth, you’ll see that he just wasn’t the right person for you. Lesson #2: Passion isn’t enough to overcome problems Your past should show you that you need more than passion to overcome problems in a relationship. You need skills that will help you communicate effectively, connect emotionally, and create...
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