Top 5 Reasons You Need A Matchmaker and Dating Coach By: Dr. Aesha When people hear what I do for a living, I get a variety of responses. Some people are curious. Others get defensive and think I’m trying to say something is wrong with them. They assume that when I hand them a business card, I’m telling them they can’t get a partner on their own! So I think it’s time to set the record straight. I want to clear up the confusion about what I actually do as a dating coach and relationship consultant and explain the top 5 reasons why you need one. I know many folks in the Black community have never heard of a matchmaker until they saw Patti Stringer on Millionaire Matchmaker. We’re so used to meeting people at church, the gym or grocery store and we’re still a little suspicious of online dating. As women, we were taught not to do anything otherwise you’re acting thirst or desperate. You may have told that it’s the man’s job to find you. “I’ll just wait til the right person comes along or God sends ’em.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this! But how can he find you if you’re on your coach every weekend, with your doo rag on, catching up on Greenleaf, Empire and How To Get Away With Murder? Why not find someone who can show you exactly how to position yourself in the right dating pools so that your perfect partner can find you? I believe part the reason why our community doesn’t reach out for help in...
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“You know, looking back, I’m so glad he broke up with me!” she exclaimed. It was our last session, and my client was reflecting over everything she’d learned in just a few weeks of working together. She’d gone from no dates in 5 years, to 3 dates in one month! The biggest secret to her dating success was that she’d discovered how to learn the lessons from her past relationships. “The most powerful thing you showed me how to do was to let go of the unresolved pain I had from the past,” she said. “I was carrying this burden around for 14 years! I feel like a different person now.” I want you to be set free from the guilt, shame, anger or disappointment you may be carrying from your past by sharing with you 5 things you can learn from your bad relationships. Through these 5 lessons, you’ll understand that you didn’t waste your time: you learned something! Lesson #1: You were attracted to the wrong person If you’re really honest with yourself, you’ll discover that your ex wasn’t all that great. You may have fallen in love with his personality. Maybe there was off the charts attraction. But when you take a deeper look, you’ll discover that he was emotionally distant or just completely incompatible with you. His character flaws led to your breakup and if you accept this truth, you’ll see that he just wasn’t the right person for you. Lesson #2: Passion isn’t enough to overcome problems Your past should show you that you need more than passion to overcome problems in a relationship. You need skills that will help you communicate effectively, connect emotionally, and create...
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What does it mean to know your worth? ...
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On this episode of Ask Dr. Aesha, a viewer asks: “I met a man online and we hit it off. He set up a date for Sunday and then on Friday asked me to text him more pictures of myself. I did. Since then, I haven’t heard from him. What confuses me is that the guy was calling me every morning and evening. Why did he disappear? Not knowing this reason makes me feel anxious and like my pictures were unattractive.” When a man flirts with you, asks you out and then flakes before the date, it’s called “bread crumbing.” Breadcrumbing is the new ghosting in dating and can leave you confused and frustrated. Has this ever happened to you? Watch now for my advice on what to do about breadcrumbing, then like, comment and share the video. Question: Have you ever breadcrumbed someone? Have you been breadcrumbed? Share your story...
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My inbox has been flooded recently with your questions: “Why do I freeze up like a deer in headlights when a man approaches me? I can talk with men everyday at work, but when it’s someone who is attractive, I get really self-conscious!” “Should I take down my profile now? We’ve had two great dates, and I don’t want him thinking that I’m not interested in him.” “He said he wants to cook dinner for me in my house. We met online and it’s only been 4 dates. What do I say? I don’t feel comfortable, but he seems really genuine.” “I’m hesitant to get back online because the last guy I met there disappeared without so much as a phone call after we were together for 9 months!” “We’ve been dating for over a year. He wants to get married, but I’m not so sure. I don’t want to lose myself, but I also don’t want to lose him!” “I’m ready to date again, but I have no clue what to do. Where do I meet men?” “No one approaches me. I feel so invisible to men! What’s wrong with me?” I know you’ve read all the books, gone to all the seminars, hired a coach, or worked with a therapist, yet you still feel like you’re making bad choices with men. And you wondering, “What am I doing wrong?” If that’s you, I understand, and I’m here to help. Here’s the truth: Sometimes, the problem isn’t you. It’s men. (Makes you feel better, doesn’t it?) But when it IS you, the reason why you aren’t getting the results you want is because you’re asking the wrong questions and you end up working harder on...
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One of the most common questions people ask me is how long they should wait to start dating again after a break up. I have to warn you: you might not like my answer! It depends. I don’t know important information about your situation, like: Were you in a marriage, long-term relationship or a new relationship that was just getting off the ground? How long were you together? Why did you breakup? How long ago did you break up? Your answers to these questions determine your availability. I’m not just talking about whether you have time to date. I’m talking about if you have room in your heart and soul for a new relationship. You should start dating again after a breakup ONLY when you are emotionally available for someone new. In other words, you can date again when you’re over it. How do you know if you’re over it? You wouldn’t want to get back together with your ex, even if he bought a ring, hired Eric Benet to serenade you, and he surprised you with a proposal in front of all your friends and family You can talk about your ex to another man without telling all the details of what he did to you You don’t cry (or cuss) when you think of your ex You’re clear about the role you did or did not play in the relationship issues and/or breakup You can see the positive lessons from the relationship and you’re willing to grow from them Now this isn’t a complete list of signs you’re over your ex. There are a ton of other factors that can affect how relationship-ready...
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Dear Dr. Aesha, How do you feel about a guy dating two friends? Meaning he took one girl on a date, they don’t hit it off and don’t have good chemistry and then at a later date, he meets her friend and they hit it off and have a lot of chemistry. He asks her out. Should the first friend be upset though she knows her and the guy didn’t have what it took? She “grabbed him” first so she should own all rights to him? This actually happens in church a lot too and causes so much division but there are really but so many men coming through, and sometimes it takes a few tries to get it right. So – Is “girl code” selfish, or is it to be adhered to no matter what?” Well sis, Girl Code is the unspoken code of conduct, “The Golden Rule” if you will, that is supposed to protect our friendships when we start dating. Sisters over misters is the gold standard and it means your best friend’s ex, current boyfriend or potential love interest is off limits if you are true friend. Most women will agree to these codes, but start bending the rules when you live in areas where there’s a man shortage such as small towns, college campuses, and churches. So, are there ever any times when the GIRL CODE should be broken? Watch today’s episode for my guidelines: So what do you think? Is it ever ok to break “girl code?” Have you ever lost a friendship due to a romantic relationship? Share your thoughts and comments...
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Hello Dr. Aesha, I am 56 years old. I married a man who I met in elementary school. We actually had a marriage ceremony on the playground when we were in the second grade. We had our first daughter out of wedlock at 18 years of age. We married at 21 years of age. We both gave our lives to Christ at age 22. Long story short, the marriage lasted 26 years. After my divorce, I spent time healing for 7 1/2 years prior to desiring marriage again. I have been single now for over 10 years. I had always set strong boundaries and never allowed any man to trespass emotionally, spiritually or physically during my marriage, although I was starved for love. Being single is very awkward for me. I don’t know how to carry myself single and available. I have worked around men all my life in the workforce
(military/law enforcement) and had a good rapport with them. Men have often told me that I am the whole package and they don’t understand why I haven’t been swept off my feet. I don’t know either, other than possibly there are not very many mature followers of Christ to begin with. Can you help me? ***** Sis, I want you to be careful about making generalizations about men when you’re trying to search for the answer to the question, “Why am I still single?” You generalize when you take a few, isolated experiences with men and apply them to everyone, assuming they’re all going to think or behave the same way. To assume that you’re still single because there aren’t very many...
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