Serena Williams broke the Internet with her announcement that she’s engaged to Reddit co-founder, Alexis Ohanian. In the midst of the congratulatory posts, there’s a controversy brewing. It seems a lot of brothas are mad that Serena is marrying a white man. Here are some of their comments: How Serena Williams goin to consider her self a strong black woman and can’t even handle being with a Black man??? — Shooters Shoot (@Pyrex_Picasso) December 29, 2016 Serena Williams moved out of Compton & now decides to back it up on a White boy #Traitor pic.twitter.com/1HSJDQfZ2t — Romeo Mo Blaq™ (@PluckyNemes) December 30, 2016 I’m amazed at how sexualized and sexist these rants are about Serena! For these guys, it seems being a “strong” Black woman who can handle being with a Black man means putting up with infidelity and commitment phobia. They also seem to forget that Serena just came back to Compton with her sister, Venus, to launch the Yetunde Price Resource Center, a community service center named after their late sister who was a victim of gun violence. They project their own sexual fantasies of Serena onto her fiancé, and claim that he only wants to bang her (even though he put a ring on it!) It’s downright disgusting. The sisters, for the most part, have Serena’s back, however. They’re pointing out the fact that the Black celebrities Serena dated (Common, Drake) cheated on her, and that Serena’s been telling the world that she desperately wants marriage and a family. She did want she needed to do–and what she wanted to do: Keep her options open...
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You wrote it down on your New Year’s Resolution, decreed and declared it, and created a vision board for it. But it’s the end of the year, and you still didn’t attract that new relationship. You don’t have to give up on your dreams for a healthy, happy relationship. You just need to combine your faith with an easy-to-follow plan. Here are 7 easy-to-follow steps to attract a new relationship this year. Pay close attention because these are the same steps my successful clients used who are now in exclusive relationships, engaged and married! Step 1: Heal Your Heart So You Can Start Over You don’t need a new year to attract the love of your life. You need a new mindset. And it begins by resolving the emotional history you’ve developed through other relationships, otherwise you’re doomed to repeat the same mistakes. Dr. Stephan B. Poulter, author and prominent psychologist, calls these unresolved emotional patterns your “ex-factor,” which is “The accumulation of lost dreams, broken promises, disillusionment, regret, emotional setbacks, disenchantment with past romantic partners, and unrealistic expectations.” So let’s start by making a decision that you are going to release your past disappointment and raise your expectations for a new, exciting relationship. Step 2: Date, Date, Date Now that you’ve gotten your hopes up, it’s time to get back out there and date! I know it seems obvious that you’d have to go out on a date if you want a mate, but there are some serious problems with modern dating. The Netflix & Chill culture has almost made a real date obsolete. Paul C Brunson, a...
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Being single during the holidays can be hard. We’ve been programmed that Christmas is for family and friends so if you find yourself suddenly single (or you’ve been single for a while now), what should be a joyous time can suddenly become depressing. Mistletoe, jewelry commercials, holiday office parties, and your Aunt Eda asking you again when you’re getting married can make you feel like singleness is a disease! If you’re feeling this way, I can relate. One Christmas in particular was especially difficult for me. I had finally called it quits with a guy I’d been dating after a year and half of drama–lies, other women, and more lies–and I had moved to another state. Because of the recent move, I didn’t have money to travel home to be with my family. My new roommate invited me to spend Christmas at her grandmother’s cabin and I accepted. I was glad to be around great people, but I still felt lonely inside. Despite the fact that I knew the relationship wasn’t what I truly wanted, I couldn’t help thinking that at least I wouldn’t be alone. I was tempted to hang on a little longer, especially when my ex-boyfriend asked me what to do with the presents he’d bought me (I told him to give them to his “new girlfriend,” the one he was out with the night I’d called and he didn’t answer). It was a challenging time . . . but it didn’t have to be. I was surrounded by new friends who accepted me as one of the family and I was finally free...
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Have you tried that online dating thing? If so, chances are you’ve swiped left, passing up your perfect partner (and for petty reasons, too)! Let me explain. You probably know that your success in online dating rising and falls on your photos. My coaching clients know this because I recommend that they get professional photos done so they won’t be judged unfairly by men who, according to an OKCupid study, spend most of their time writing to the women they consider most attractive (about 1/3 of the women online). That sounds harsh, I know, but the fellas are actually judged more unfairly than women! In the same OKC study, they discovered that women rated 80% of the man as below average in looks (dang, sisters!). From what I’ve seen in working one on one with sisters, helping them pick out men to talk to on the dating sites, the guys are getting dissed because of bad dating photos. Dudes posting selfies of themselves dripping with sweat in the gym or climbing out the river after being baptized (true story) just aren’t that attractive. So what if you see a guy who has really bad photos? Should you give him a chance? And what should you do if his pics reflect questionable behavior like clubbing? If you swipe left, are you just being petty? I’m tackling this question in episode #3 of Ask Dr. Aesha TV. Our viewer asks if she should give a guy who looks like a Party Animal in his photos a second glance, or if her first impressions are correct. Watch now for my advice by clicking the video below (or just click here). Look. I...
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How do I get him to stop texting me and call me instead? That’s a questions I get asked almost daily by sisters who encounter dating problems that rise and fall around communication. On the one hand, texting is a quick and easy way to make initial contact. On the other hand, it’s hard to build a real relationship using emojis! Furthermore, it’s harder to gauge cues such has body language, voice inflection and facial expressions through a text message. Without these social signals, texting allows someone to more easily cross your boundaries. It’s risky to ask someone to get naked in person, but it seems a smartphone can make a man bold enough to ask a stranger for a nude pic (and no, he’s not talking about a photo of your naked feet!). So how do you handle these frustrating and confusing situations when you’re trying to authentically get to know someone? The answer is simple: master dating communication and you’ll have the tools to handle any dating problem that comes up on your journey to meeting The One. There are five keys to effective dating communication: 1) Don’t make assumptions 2) Wear your heart on your sleeve 3) Share your desires and needs directly 4) Communicate your boundaries clearly 5) A person’s response to your communication reveals his character So let’s apply this to a real life dating example: Let’s say you met a very handsome, educated, God-fearing man online. He makes you laugh and after a few online exchanges, asks for your number. He immediately sends you a text the next morning, saying, “We should get together...
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Are you done with dating? Feel like giving up on love? I get it. You’re tired of all the games. You put up a dating profile only to get an inbox full of people you’d never say hi to in real life. You spend so much time and energy into the process that it feels like a full time job. Then, just when you meet someone who has potential, you find out he’s lying, cheating or just not that into you. Or maybe you’ve gone through a really bad breakup with someone who told you he wanted marriage and family in the beginning and then one year later acts like YOU made it all up and he never even wanted a relationship in the first place. You feel like you opened your heart and got nothing in return except wasted time. And the last thing you want to do is waste your time! So it’s easy to just give up on love. Go back to school. Focus on enjoying your life. Travel, hang out with friends and family and do bad all by yourself. If you feel this way, I want you to know you’re not alone. In fact, just this week I got a question from Gabby who writes, “Hello Dr Aesha. How do you keep going with dating, because I gave up.” Let’s have a sista-to-sista talk in today’s episode where I share the secret to keeping dating until you meet The One. Click the video below to watch: Now tell me, are you done with dating? Do you need some inspiration to believe in love again?...
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A woman went a great date with a man she’s been seeing now for the past 2 months. After dinner, they went back to his apartment to watch a movie. She felt really cozy sitting next to her man on the couch, when all of the sudden, he looked at her and said: “I need some space.”She freaked out! Her mind began to race as she thought about all of the things she could have done wrong during their date. “I knew this was gonna happen!” she thought to herself. She assumed the relationship was over, but after a quick check-in with her man, she learned all he wanted was for her to scoot over. He needed some elbow room while they watched the movie! What’s the lesson here? You may already know this, but I’m going to say it anyway: Your ability to master your heart and manage your feelings is directly affecting your relationships. You usually make 1 of 3 choices when someone hurts you, disappoints you or ticks you off: React Reject Repress You’ve gotten so good at these responses that they happen instantly and you don’t even realize it! Don’t believe me? Let’s see if these ring true for you: You’re around a man you finally attractive and who is exactly what you’ve dreamt of your whole life. You start thinking, “He probably won’t even want to talk to me. Why would he be interested in me.” You don’t realize you have these thoughts, though. All you know is you feel awkward. So you overcompensate by pretending to be someone you’re not. Isntead of being playful, fun, open, you get stuck in your head. You wonder if...
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Dr. Aesha, I’m in one of your dating classes and I just had to email you after such a great call about dating. I just had a discussion with some coworkers about it and, well, let’s just say that you confirmed what they and my two BFF’s having been saying for some time. When you started talking about where to find men and the statistics of the dating energy that is needed in 2016, tears welled up in my eyes.When comparing myself (you know that thing that we act like we don’t do) to my closest friends who have been married for at least one decade, I think to myself, “Why is it so complicated? What is wrong with me that I have to do so much work to find love? I realize my thinking is a little (ok, a lot) off to say the least. You see I know that marriage is work, but I didn’t think dating should be. I thought back to when I was 16 and allowed to go on group dates it was easy. I understand now that that is before hurt got in the way and the walls came up. So, I am working on shifting my mindset. Can you help me? Feelin’ some kinda way. Yes, sis, I can help you! Watch this episode of Ask Dr. Aesha: I want to hear from you. Please answer one (or both) of the following questions in a comment below. 1) If most of your friends are married, how does that make you feel? 2) What beliefs about dating and relationships are holding you back? For example, do...
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