The Truth About Being Sexy By Aesha Adams-Roberts Yesterday, this photo of an old advertisement caught my eye, especially because Chalene Johnson, fitness expert and creator of the number one selling fitness infomercial by a woman , put it up on her Facebook wall. Just in case you can't read the caption on the ad, I'll write it here. It says: "Men Wouldn't Look At Me When I Was Skinny but . . . Since I Gained 10 Pounds This New, Easy Way I Have All the Dates I Want." The picture produced hundreds of comments, mostly from women. They said things like: "Putting a number/size on how you should look to get guys to look at you is a negative, no matter if it's thin, fit, fat, whatever… women are beautiful at all shapes and sizes" "Size does not equal beauty! Beauty isn't something you're born with, it's something you create by becoming healthy in MANY ways!" "I think men like a woman who likes herself; whatever size she may be. But I don't do any of it for them. I felt sexy when I weighed 250 and I still feel sexy now that I'm down to 180!!" "True beauty comes from the inside … more dates doesn't equate happiness, finding someone to love you for who you are and think your beautiful because of your heart is what we should teach our daughters to aspire to receive." I agreed with the basic sentiment of these and other responses. No, I don't think size equals beauty; Yes, I...
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Dating Is All About YOU! By Renee McLaughlin Dating again in my early 50’s is a lot different than it was when I was in my 20’s. The truth is… I’m very different. I’ve found my dating experience is a direct reflection of my own personal growth. When I was in my 20’s, my main concern was being liked. Can you relate to this? I made sure I dressed the way I thought the guy would find attractive. I made sure to agree with what he said. If he loved basketball…so did I. If he hated sushi…out with raw fish. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted in a man or a relationship. So I ended up in relationships with men who didn’t have anything in common with me. Then I’d get resentful and the whole thing would blow up. After 13 years of marriage, I’m back on the dating scene. A few years older and quite a bit wiser. I have a much better idea of who I am and what I’m looking for in a man. For me, it’s about not losing myself in the relationship. I like and accept myself now. I know I need to stay true to who I am and not morph into what I think that other person wants me to be. Here’s the kicker. Life has taught me while I don’t want to lose myself, I also can’t change anyone. That requires me to find someone I really like. Just the way they are. Without needing to change or control them in any way. I’ve...
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For Better Or For Worse . . . Or Until Our Love Fades?! By Aesha Adams-Roberts When Kate Middleton decided to take out the words "to honor and obey" in her wedding vows, it caused a slight stir, mostly because Royal weddings are about tradition, pomp, and circumstance. The fact is, however, that many women have replaced a promise to "obey" their husbands with vows to honor and respect him. Most modern men would rather have a wife who is an equal partner with them instead of a dependent who must obey them (at least that's what the men shared with me in the eBook What Men Think About Love And Marriage). The fact is many couples have decided to change the more traditional wedding vows to reflect who they are as individuals and what they want their marriage to look like. I'm all for these types of changes. But there is one growing trend that frightens me. I recently heard of a wedding where a couple vowed to stay together "until our love fades." Sunsets fade. Paint fades. Fashion trends fade. But should commitment between a husband and a wife fade? According to a Fox News article, more and more couples are replacing "til death do us part" with phrases like “For as long as we continue to love each other," "For as long as our love shall last" and "Until our time together is over." I understand that this generation has witnessed bad marriages and horrible divorces that have caused them to be cynical of a vow to stay together forever. But it's...
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The "Man Shortage" And Other Myths That Cause Women To Compete For Men By Aesha Adams Roberts A good man is hard to find! All the good men are either gay or married! Everyone is getting married except me! Have you ever heard any of these sayings? Maybe you've said them yourself. If you have, I'm not here to judge you because when I was single, I used to say these things too. These common sayings among frustrated single women reflect the belief that there is a man shortage–a phenomenon in which women outnumber men. The jury is still out on whether there is an actual man shortage and the purpose of this article is not to argue one way or the other. Instead, I want to point out how buying into this belief actually causes unhealthy competition between women, keeping them single and unhappy. And if and when they do marry, this competition can create unhappiness in a marriage. By unhealthy competiton between women I'm talking about the tendency to compare yourself to other women, judging them, silently (or not so silently) tearing women down, gossiping, and doing whatever it takes to get a man's attention and affection, even if it means stealing him from another woman. Metaphors we use to describe dating like "being on the market" and "playing the dating game" subconsciously encourage this competition. There are two major ways unhealthy competition can keep you single and unhappy. 1) You can easily be manipulated by men For example, whenever I resisted the controlling...
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What I Learned About Long Distance Relationships as a Military Wife By Aesha Adams Roberts With the popularity of online dating, many singles may find themselves facing the possibilities of a long distance relationship. Even if you meet someone in your city, it is possible that you or your significant other could move due to a career change, job assignment, or deployment. What should you do? Pass up a potentially amazing relationship because you won't get to see each other every day? And what if you're already seriously involved or even married? How can you survive a long distance relationship? Although my husband and I dated while we were both in the same city, we knew that because he is an officer in the U.S. navy, that there would be times we'd be apart when we were married. As a matter of fact, we had only been married for 8 months when he had to leave for a 3 month training. By our second year of marriage (shortly after the birth of our daughter), he had to leave for a 9 month training on the East Coast, move to another duty station on the West Coast, and begin a 9 month deployment. After 18 months of being apart from him, I learned a thing or two about surviving a long distance relationship. If you're considering starting a long distance relationship or you're already in one, here are 3 tips that will help your romance survive and thrive. 1) Build romance and intimacy with technology: With hundreds or even thousands of miles separating you, you won't have the benefit of...
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Are You Ready For Love? By Aesha Adams Roberts “What do you want,” he asked again. I could hear the exasperation in his voice, but deep down I wondered if he really wanted to hear my answer. “To love . . .and be loved,” I answered. “What does that mean,” he asked, clearly frustrated. As I attempted to explain to him that I wanted a safe place for my heart, that I wanted someone who I could trust with my most vulnerable thoughts and my true self, and that I wanted to be able to be that safe place for someone, the blank look on his face told me that he was not that safe place. It wasn’t like I needed this conversation to reveal that I was in an unhealthy relationship, however; the lies, betrayal, and foolish games had all pointed to the fact that this was not the right man for me. But for some strange reason, I held on to the relationship, satisfied that at least I had someone I could talk to, someone who could at least partially fulfill the longing inside my heart for companionship. Soon, however, "at least" was not enough, and I left that relationship with my heart in shreds. Even though I had a strong desire to give and receive love, I found myself more on the giving end, than I did the receiving end. But I cant blame I the guy I was dating ( at least not entirely). It was clear that by my hanging on to a relationship where I was hurt over and over again, I...
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The Key To Growing and Keeping Intimacy In Your Marriage By Aesha Adams Roberts I recently received a short but heartfelt question from one our male readers. He is a newlywed who married the woman of his dreams. Here's what he asked: Aesha– I would pose this "anonymous" question to you: How would a man ask for more intimacy from his wife. Not "sex", but intimacy. –Name withheld This is an excellent question because it tears apart the assumption that men only want one thing—sex. You’ve made a clear distinction between intimacy and sex, although I believe that in passionate, committed, marital relationships, intimacy and sex should go together. Without intimacy, sex becomes a routine exercise that can leave one or both of you bored and unfulfilled. And when one or both of a marriage partner is bored or unfulfilled, it can lead to a relationship crisis. So how do you grow and keep intimacy in a marriage? My answer might surprise you. Intimacy in a marriage is about YOU and not your spouse. Let me explain. Most couples make the mistake of wanting the other person to change so that she can fulfill his needs, but it doesn’t work that way. YOU have to change in order to achieve a passionate marriage filled with love and intimacy. For example, you’ll need to do what it takes to become a man who is not afraid of sharing his deepest thoughts and desires with his wife, asking for what he needs without fear of rejection. You’ll need to change into a man...
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Sexy Secrets to Getting Your Man To Listen To You . . . Without Nagging, Complaining, or Screaming! By Aesha Adams-Roberts I recently had a conversation with a beautiful, successful single woman who has found the man of her dreams. As we talked about what was holding her back from marrying this man, (even though he wants to marry her), one of the things she said was, “whenever I try to talk with him, I can’t find the right words. So I just scream!” This sister is not alone. The fact is most women struggle with communicating with the opposite sex. Whether it’s knowing what to say when first meeting a man, knowing what to talk about on a date, or communicating your needs in such a way that a man can’t help but fulfill them, few women know the secrets to getting a man to listen. Knowing how to communicate with other people is a key to success in life. And without good communication skills, the happiness in a relationship will not last long. Sadly, most people weren’t groomed with the kind of skills that make communication easy and fun. As a result, we often sound like 3 year olds who nag, complain, or scream when we don’t get our way. Its no wonder many men shut down when it’s time to have a serious talk with their woman. Let’s talk about how to communicate with your man in such a way that he wants to listen to you. Most women make the mistake of bringing up an important topic at the very moment they...
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