Dear Dr. Aesha, I’m in a relationship and I adore him. I’ve only been with him for three months, but I can see a future with him and he says the same. But I’m not sure if he’s serious or not. I identified with being the Boss Lady, and it does make him back up. He says, “Let’s let it flow.” He wants to marry me, but he needs time to get himself together. He says I’m The One one day and the next day says he needs to see if I’m The One…so I get confused…he’s what I want…What do I do? So Confused ***** Girl, do me a favor. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I can feel the panic and anxiety just by reading your email. And as Anais Nin said, “Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.” What this means is when you are in a place of anxiety about your relationship, you are feeling insecure and you begin to pressure your man for signs, answers and other proof that he really wants to be with you. You’re looking for reassurance, but you’ll just push him further away. You’ll start interpreting things he does as proof that he doesn’t want to be with you “Oh no, he didn’t text me back right away. He must be seeing someone else.” “He didn’t say ‘I love you’ quick enough. Maybe he changed his mind.” “I wonder...
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Straight Outta His Mouth: 3 Little Know Commitment Fears Men Have & What To Do About It By: Dr. Aesha Men often share their deepest, darkest fears about love with me. I’ve listened to them tell me how they’ve cried themselves to sleep at night, why they go back to an ex (even after she’s hurt them), instead of choosing the woman who loves them unconditionally, and how frustrated they are that they can’t find a wife. If you’re a single sister looking for a relationship, it’s important that you understand the commitment fears many men struggle with so that you can decide: If his fear is something you can help him over come or, If you should Walk away from the relationship. Fear #1: I’m not loveable Now a man isn’t going to come right out and say this. But if he struggles with making decisions, struggles with saying I love you, has mood swings, or is insecure and needs constant validation from you, he may have a fundamental belief that he is not good enough. He’ll often reject you before you reject him! He may be the quintessential “nice guy”: quiet, giving and helpful. It’s because he’s looking for acceptance and love by doing these things for you. He feels like a “mess” and unworthy of the love you give. He’ll often go back to an ex who mistreated him before he’ll stay with a woman who will commit to him. Click here to read...
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5 Ways You’re Wasting Your Time With The Wrong Man By: Dr. Aesha A man who can’t be upfront with you about where he stands on marriage in general and a relationship with you in particular, will most likely waste your time. And the last thing a smart, successful sister needs to do is waste her time! Here are 5 warning signs you’re wasting your time with the wrong man: 1. You believe him when he says he wants commitment Maybe he told you he could see himself marrying someone just like you. Or perhaps early on in the relationship, you had serious talks about marriage and what you both wanted out of life. Then things got a little bumpy and he cooled off. You’re scared to bring up the commitment talk again because you don’t want to push him away. I mean, he already told you he wants the same things you do, right? If you do get the courage to ask him where the relationship is going he gives you a bunch of excuses: The timing is wrong My money is funny Girl, you know I love you I’m just not ready yet I need to get some things in order first Here’s the deal: His talk about commitment means very little if he’s not backing his words up with clear actions. Remember, if his words and actions don’t match, he’s not a good catch! 2. You don’t believe him when he says he doesn’t want commitment You need discernment to tell if this is a red flag or a yellow light. For example, my husband told me for the first...
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Dear Dr. Aesha, After reading a few of your articles I truly am intrigued by your advice and wisdom. I am seeking to gain understanding of my current situation. A few months back I met a man, we had good chemistry on the first date and dates to follow. He truly would show interest in me; surprise Valentine’s Day date, supporting me at functions, listening to my issues and offering advice etc.. 3 months into dating we start talking about a few of his issues like unhappiness with himself, work progress and past relationships (his personal feelings made him think I was asking for a relationship, although I never did). So he thinks it’s best we break things off. I let him know that’s fine with me… I understand…. A month and a half later I reach out to say Hi, how are you doing. He says “I was just thinking about you earlier this week.” Go figure, right. He expressed he’d like for us to catch up and go out. I can’t lie. At this point I just brush him off. After a second conversation a few weeks later I ask him if he’s back on the dating scene. He avoids the question by saying “I am ready to see you again” noting that he isn’t ready for a relationship. I express that a relationship is the ultimate goal. So am I wasting my time if I entertain him again? I feel like after a few months this man should know if he’d want to pursue a relationship with me or not. ~Anonymous **** Hey girl, Here’s the short answer. Yes. You’re wasting your time. But I...
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4 Reasons Why He Won’t Commit By: Dr. Aesha Do you ever feel like you’re dating a wishy washy man? One day you’re in a relationship. The next day he isn’t ready to commit. One day he loves you. The next day he wants to take it slow. Why won’t he just seal the deal and commit? And what should you do when you find yourself in this situation? I want to take you into the mind of men and share how they think about commitment. Of course not all men think alike, but after interviewing men over the last 4 years, I’ve watched them open up and share their man secrets. They tell me things they’d never share with you. For example, the other day the cashier at the grocery store asked me what I did for a living. As soon as he heard I was a matchmaker, he opened up his heart right there in the 12 Items or Less Express line, and told me about his latest fight with his girlfriend. “I’ve been married twice and I’m dating someone now. She wants to get married which is understandable since she’s getting older. I’m just unsure. . . “ His commitment issues have caused them to break up several times. You can tell he loved her and he even tried couples counseling to work on their relationship. But he’s still hasn’t put a ring on it. The truth is, many men are relationship-minded and want marriage, so when they hesitate to commit, there’s a deeper reason. Here are the top 4 reasons that I’ve discovered from my interviews with men:...
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