Myth Busted: You Don’t Have To Get Your Life Together Before Dating By: Dr. Aesha In a recent article on The Root, a man confessed that he hasn’t had a girlfriend in 16 years! “What people don’t understand is that my income isn’t as high as many would expect, and it makes me feel insecure about how women may view my current professional station in life,” he wrote. At first I thought his insecurity was personal. He just needs to be more confident, I said. Quit trying to date women who are out of his league and start focusing on the women who do want him, I thought. But then I realized that this brotha is struggling with a big myth that says you have to get your life together BEFORE you can be worthy of love. This cultural myth says you’re supposed to have your money, career, and fitness goals checked off a list, and so should your partner. The Law of Attraction folks say you need to become who you want to attract. Your mama (or daddy) says you need to find a man you can respect. Your girlfriends say you shouldn’t have to take care of a man. Your pastor says God won’t bless you with a mate from you until you get your life together. You say you worked hard to lose weight, get out of debt, climb the corporate ladder, build a business, etc., etc., and you deserve a man who has big goals like you. I mean, being on the same level is what makes a true partnership, right? Wrong! A true partnership is one where...
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Attraction Factor: How To Walk Into A Room Like You Own It By: Dr. Aesha He walked into the room like he owned it! I had to keep my jaw from dropping the first time I ever met my husband. It wasn't just the fact that he was in a navy uniform (and he filled it out quite nicely, I might add). There was just something about him that was magnetic. I was drawn to him, but I played it off really well. Once we were dating, he said the same thing about me. There was just something he couldn't explain that made him want to get to know me, despite the fact that he wasn't looking for a relationship. Now that I'm a matchmaker and dating coach I call that "something you can't explain" your attraction factor. You might call it swag, "it-factor," charisma, posture or a magnetic personality. No matter what label you give it, you need to know how to tap into it so that you attract the right people to you every where you go. Here are 3 tips: Confidence I like the way my colleague, Evan Marc Katz describes confidence. "Confidence is walking into a room and not having to compare yourself to anyone else." Some gurus teach you to fake it until you make it, but confidence is rooted in being authentic and happy with who you are. It's knowing that the people in the room have never met anyone like you! You can't fake that. Once you're in a new relationship, don't lose your confidence! If you get anxious about where the relationship is headed,...
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Tired of Kissing Frogs? Here's Some Wisdom From Your Tell-it-Like-it-is Godmother By: Aesha Adams Roberts I'm sure you've heard the cliche, "if you want to find your Prince charming, you gotta kiss a few frogs." Well, I'm here as your Fairy Godmother and I'm going to tell it like it is: You don't want to take your dating advice from Disney! (By the way, did you know the original Frog-Prince tale by the Grimm brothers doesn't involve kissing at all? The princess breaks the curse throws the frog against the wall in frustration. How's that for a romantic fairy tale?!) I've kissed a few frogs in my dating life and even prayed they'd change. I kept on kissing them even though they eventually TOLD me they were frogs and would always be frogs. "I'm sorry I can't be the man you need me to be," one said. And another time, he said, "Sometimes, I feel like I don't ever want to get married. Or have any more kids." That's a frog who was content in the swamp, hopping from lillypad to lilypad, when I was ready to commit and build a life with my prince. After some heartbreak, I told myself the truth and decided not to kiss him any more. Guys do it too. In their search for the woman of their dreams, many men take on a Knight in Shining Armor role and are attracting to the Damsel in Distress. I've coached some of these Hero wannabee's. One man fell for a married woman with two sons. She eventually left her husband and the romance was great...
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