Have you tried that online dating thing? If so, chances are you’ve swiped left, passing up your perfect partner (and for petty reasons, too)! Let me explain. You probably know that your success in online dating rising and falls on your photos. My coaching clients know this because I recommend that they get professional photos done so they won’t be judged unfairly by men who, according to an OKCupid study, spend most of their time writing to the women they consider most attractive (about 1/3 of the women online). That sounds harsh, I know, but the fellas are actually judged more unfairly than women! In the same OKC study, they discovered that women rated 80% of the man as below average in looks (dang, sisters!). From what I’ve seen in working one on one with sisters, helping them pick out men to talk to on the dating sites, the guys are getting dissed because of bad dating photos. Dudes posting selfies of themselves dripping with sweat in the gym or climbing out the river after being baptized (true story) just aren’t that attractive. So what if you see a guy who has really bad photos? Should you give him a chance? And what should you do if his pics reflect questionable behavior like clubbing? If you swipe left, are you just being petty? I’m tackling this question in episode #3 of Ask Dr. Aesha TV. Our viewer asks if she should give a guy who looks like a Party Animal in his photos a second glance, or if her first impressions are correct. Watch now for my advice by clicking the video below (or just click here). Look. I...
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“I’m 57. Booty calls are a dime a dozen, but a relationship worth having is rare at my age.” This comment came from one of Facebook followers. Yes, when you’re smart, successful and dating in your 50s you face a unique dating pool. I’ve worked with some women who are Fab & Fifty who have never been married and others who are re-entering the dating scene after a divorce or death of a spouse. What they’ve encountered are men who still haven’t matured (yes, age isn’t an indication a man has grown up yet!) or who are wanting to date around because they were married for most of their lives and now want to just “be friends” and “enjoy one another’s company.” Some have emotional and financial baggage and are trying to recover from a divorce or a lifetime of poor financial choices. When they do meet a man who wants a wife, these men are often looking for a younger woman or they act like old men who are so set in their traditional ways and just want someone to cook, clean, and play nurse when they get sick. Some of them really are sick, like the man Essie was seeing. “He said with all of his health issues, he wasn’t sure he wanted to involve me in that. But he’s happy to have my company.” But it is possible to meet a partner in your 50s! Let me share tips from the work I’ve done with a client named Essie (not her real name) 1. Reinvent yourself Using my Making Room For The One System, we took...
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Before You Give Up On Love, Read This By: Dr. Aesha Over the past year, I’ve coached people all over the world who are ready to give up on love. They tell me things like: I got this crazy message in my inbox…I’m cancelling my subscription to online dating forever! If this relationship doesn’t work out then I’m giving up. I guess I’ll just be single for the rest of my life. I’m scared to trust again. I don’t know what a man will do to me. I’m not dating anymore. God will just have to bring my mate to me. If you’re on the verge of giving up on love, let me encourage you. I understand you may be feeling some kind of way about the opposite sex, online dating, relationships, marriage, and even yourself, but giving up isn’t the answer. You have more control over how you feel about love than you think. You just have to break the negative attitude you’ve developed about your situation. Your attitude is created by the way you interpret what happens to you. I know you’ve been through hell and back in your relationships and you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired. You don’t want to try anymore and you can point to so many reasons why you have the right to feel the way you do. But here’s the thing. We all deal with crazy ups and downs in love. Everybody does, no matter their relationship status. You can’t control what happens to you, but you CAN control how you define what happens to you. So I challenge you...
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Dating In Your 30s, 40s and 50s: Is There A Difference? By: Dr. Aesha My “Ask Dr. Aesha” inbox has been bursting with your questions. I received these 3 questions around the same time: Question 1: I was wondering if you have any advice for the 30 + single, educated, God-fearing and no kids. I have done the suggestions that you have mentioned in your blogs. However I seem to keep getting the guys that don’t have time for me, have all these physical expectations (ex. hair type, body types, ect.), want sex (right away), won’t commit, don’t want to compromise or they are the other extreme too needy, mommas boys, ect. Any and all advise is always appreciated. Getting frustrating out here. Question 2: Dear Dr. Aesha: My biggest challenge dating in my 40’s is finding available men to date that are looking for friendship & companionship first (and not just sex)! Question 3: Dr. Aesha, What, if anything, can women over 50 do to find men that are interested in dating for commitment…Not fringe benefits I hear this every day. Thanks for all you do to encourage singles. **** Wow. Did you notice the similar themes? Whether the woman is dating in her 30s, 40s, or 50s, they all have the same struggle: finding a commitment-minded man who wants more than sex! Can you relate to these sistas? Are you hiding out at home, ready to give up on dating because you HATE the club scene (and you intuitively know that the kind of man you want isn’t hanging out there anyway)? Are you tired of investing your...
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Dating After 40: What Do Men Want? By: Dr. Aesha Dear Dr. Aesha– “What do men in their forties want in a relationship?” ~Dating after 40 and Still Confused ********* Dear Dating After 40 and Still Confused, I’m so glad you asked me this question! Since you didn’t give me any details about yourself, I have to make a lot of assumptions here about your age and what you’re looking for in a relationship. I’ll draw from my experience coaching women in their forties who are serious about finding “The One.” The very first thing you should know is that men in their 40s who are serious about relationships tend to want something very different than women in their 40s. It’s a little shocking to women to hear this because they expect the men in their peer group to want similar things as they do. But once you are over 35, you’ve entered an experience I like to call “Grown Folks’ Dating” and the dating game has changed! Think about this: when you were in high school, you dated guys in your own peer group. I mean, dating an “older” man consisted of picking someone 3 years older but who didn’t own his own car and thought burping games were fun. We all wanted the same things then, right? In your 20s, you were probably taught to focus on school, travel, and your career goals before settling down to start a family. Most men probably weren’t told anything about when they should think about marriage and family. There’s no strong social pressure on men to settle down and their biological clock isn’t really ticking for them. ...
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Should You Get Rid Of Your Ideal Man List? By: Dr. Aesha Chances are if you’re serious about relationships and you’re looking for the perfect partner, you probably have “The List.” As a matchmaker and dating coach, I feel obligated to tell you the truth: If you want to find your dream man, you’ve got to get rid of your ideal man list. I confess. I had a list. When I was a single 20-something graduate student, my girlfriends and I used to sit around after a night of watching chick flicks to talk about the man of our dreams. I had a slightly different perspective than my friends because I had been engaged before. Read the rest of my personal story at my blog on Digital Romance here– http://digitalromanceinc.com/dating/should-you-get-rid-of-your-ideal-man-list/ With Love, Dr....
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Forty and Freaking Out: How To Find A Husband No Matter Your Age By: Aesha Adams-Roberts "Maybe it's just not meant to be." I could hear the hopelessness in her voice, even though she tried to convince me she was happy being single. My former roommate was approaching the age of 40 and she was freaking out because she hadn't found a husband. Her biological clock was ticking and since she didn't have any prospects, she figured it'd be easier to just give up on her dreams instead of holding on to hope that she'd find real love. I couldn't let her give up. She was my sister-friend, and she deserved to be happy. She was beautiful, talented, giving, and a successful career woman. I knew she would make a great wife and mom. We were hanging out in her master bedroom, with me watching her as she was cleaning out her cluttered closets. All of a sudden, I blurted out: "You gotta make room for love! Just like you're cleaning out your closets, you gotta clean out your life so the right man can come in." Then I told her I could see her holding a beautiful baby boy with big, round eyes. Later that day, we went to the mall. As soon as we stepped through the doors, we saw a sign which read, "MAKE ROOM." The building was being renovated and these signs were everywhere we looked. I knew it was a divine download. God was giving my sister-friend a lifeline of hope, but it was up to her to reach out and take it. In a few short months, my sister-friend called...
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