If you’re still single, childless, and over 40, the world can make you feel like something is wrong with you. Maybe it’s your physician pressuring you to freeze your eggs at every annual visit “just in case” you don’t meet the right man before your fertility expires. Perhaps you stumbled across gossip headlines like Media Takeout’s post which screamed “R&B Singer ASHANTI Is ALMOST 40 YEARS OLD …STILL NO MAN…And NO KIDS… What’s Wrong With Her????” Either way, it’s highly likely you’ve been battling feelings like doubt, shame, and fear, simply because you’re unmarried and childless. 👀 #MediaTakeOut is so rude 😆😩😅 #Ashanti is living her best life ever, no man or kid needed 💅🏽 A post shared by TeaTENDERS LLC (@teatenders_liv) on Mar 21, 2018 at 12:51pm PDT First things first. There’s nothing wrong with you. Period. Next, a woman’s fertility is a deeply personal and sensitive topic. It’s no one’s business why you have or haven’t had children, and you shouldn’t have to explain yourself to anyone. As Damona Hoffman made plain in her response to Media Takeout’s attempt to shame single women who are childless, some Black women aren’t married because of a shrinking marriage market. Others made a personal decision to pursue their careers and thought love and marriage would just take care of itself. Sometimes, you’ve spent the best years of your life with a man who never put a ring on it, and now your window for having children is closing due to no fault of your own. As an expert who has worked with many women who feel real pressure to hurry up and get married...
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“Maybe it’s just not meant to be.” I could hear the hopelessness in her voice, even though she tried to convince me she was happy being single. My former roommate was approaching the age of 40 and she was freaking out because she hadn’t found a husband. Her biological clock was ticking and since she didn’t have any prospects, she figured it’d be easier to just give up on her dreams instead of holding on to hope that she’d find real love. I couldn’t let her give up. She was my sister-friend, and she deserved to be happy. She was beautiful, talented, giving, and a successful career woman. I knew she would make a great wife and mom. We were hanging out in her master bedroom, with me watching her as she was cleaning out her cluttered closets. All of a sudden, I blurted out: “You gotta make room for love! Just like you’re cleaning out your closets, you gotta clean out your life so the right man can come in.” Then I told her I could see her holding a beautiful baby boy with big, round eyes. Later that day, we went to the mall. As soon as we stepped through the doors, we saw a sign that read, “MAKE ROOM.” The building was being renovated and these signs were everywhere we looked. I knew it was a divine download. God was giving my sister-friend a lifeline of hope, but it was up to her to reach out and take it. In a few short months, my sister-friend called me. She’d met someone! They got married a year later and she asked me to pray for her as they...
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Dating In Your 30s, 40s and 50s: Is There A Difference? By: Dr. Aesha My “Ask Dr. Aesha” inbox has been bursting with your questions. I received these 3 questions around the same time: Question 1: I was wondering if you have any advice for the 30 + single, educated, God-fearing and no kids. I have done the suggestions that you have mentioned in your blogs. However I seem to keep getting the guys that don’t have time for me, have all these physical expectations (ex. hair type, body types, ect.), want sex (right away), won’t commit, don’t want to compromise or they are the other extreme too needy, mommas boys, ect. Any and all advise is always appreciated. Getting frustrating out here. Question 2: Dear Dr. Aesha: My biggest challenge dating in my 40’s is finding available men to date that are looking for friendship & companionship first (and not just sex)! Question 3: Dr. Aesha, What, if anything, can women over 50 do to find men that are interested in dating for commitment…Not fringe benefits I hear this every day. Thanks for all you do to encourage singles. **** Wow. Did you notice the similar themes? Whether the woman is dating in her 30s, 40s, or 50s, they all have the same struggle: finding a commitment-minded man who wants more than sex! Can you relate to these sistas? Are you hiding out at home, ready to give up on dating because you HATE the club scene (and you intuitively know that the kind of man you want isn’t hanging out there anyway)? Are you tired of investing your...
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