The Secret To Finding And Keeping The Love Of Your Life By: Aesha Adams Roberts What is the secret to finding and keeping the love of your life? A friend of mine gave me some interesting advice that I think points us in the right direction: "When you're dating, use a magnifying class. After you get married, wear rose-colored glasses!" Her words were a real eye-opener. As I sat in my newly married friend's apartment, listening to her wisdom, I realized I had on the wrong glasses. I had just discovered a ton of emails my boyfriend had written to a bunch of other women. After crying my eyes out in my office, I asked myself, "how could I have ignored the signs?" Apparently rose-colored glasses make red flags blend in with everything else! I was focusing on the postivie things about my boyfriend: "He makes me laugh," "He's got potential." If I would have used the magnifying glass, I wouldn't have explained away the fact that he flirted with other women, he didn't want a steady job, and he wasn't sure he'd ever want to get married and have kids. These were deal-breakers for me, but my decision to only look at his potential caused me to waste a lot of time and endure a lot of pain. Before you say, "I do," you need to keep a magnifyng glass on hand. Make sure the person you're giving your heart to lines up with your values and the vision for life you want to live. After you say, "I do," trade in that magnifiying glass for some rose-colored specs to keep the honeymoon going! A study followed newlywed couples for 3 years. The couples who...
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How To Be Happily Married For 50 Years: Practical Advice From a Couple Who Knows By: Aesha Adams-Roberts This weekend I attended the 50th Wedding Anniversary gala of Mr. and Mrs. Donald and Gloria Gridiron. Hundreds of people were there at this amazing event. I was excited to celebrate this amazing accomplishment and also learn how to be happily married for 50 years! Donald and Gloria met "the old fashioned way": At church, on her 18th birthday. Gloria was actually on a date with a young preacher, but she spotted Donald because he was so well dressed. They had a chance to meet when Gloria's date got a flat tire and Donald offered to help. They were engaged 7 months later! I loved hearing their story. I also loved the practical advice they shared on how to make your union stand the test of time. 1. "Our foundation was a commitment to God and each other" As newlyweds, they made a commitment to each other: Divorce is not an option. They took that promise seriously and made a decision to work through whatever came their way. As Gloria stated, "Anything worthwhile is worth doing. And marriage is worthwhile." Donald said, "There isn't a marriage on this earth that won't be challenged. But if I please God, I'll please my mate and I'll please myself." 2. "It's about knowing how to reconcile and make up" Forgiveness and reconciliation have helped the Gridiron's relationship stand the test of time. For exmple, they described a heated argument in the early years of their marriage–what Donald called an "intense fellowship,"–one Sunday on the way to church. Gloria got so angry that she yelled,...
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Is There Only One True Love? Why Soul Mates Are Made, Not Born By: Aesha Adams-Roberts Is there only one true love for every man and woman in the world? I used to think so. That false belief led me into unhealthy relationships. Let me explain. I met my ex-fiance at the age of 19. I thought he was "The One." We liked many of the same things and shared many of the same values. He made me feel like I was a princess. We were inseperable. To top it all off, when asked by my father why he wanted to marry me, my ex said "The Lord told me to." (Real romantic, huh?) I struggled to let the relationship go even though all the signs of verbal and emotional abuse were there because I thought he was "the ONE" sent to me by God. If only I prayed more or changed who I was, then things would work out. When I talked to his mother about what was going on in the relationship, she gave me a bit of advice I still remember to this day: "He's not your only option." I was confused. In graduate school, I met another guy who announced, "God said you are my wife." He was nothing like the kind of man I'd prayed for, but if God said it, I reasoned, then maybe He was giving me what I needed, not what I wanted. (I KNOW you've heard that one before). Things quickly unraveled when I discovered he was dating two other women (that I knew of) on the side....
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Celebrating My 6th Wedding Anniversary: What I've Learned About Being Happy in Marriage By Aesha Adams-Roberts Yesterday my husband and I celebrated 6 wonderful years of marriage. Six years ago, I joined hands with the man of my dreams and vowed to love him forever! It was one of the best days of my life; I say "one of" because there have been so many other "best days" since we've gotten married. In honor of our anniversary, I'd like to take a walk down memory lane and share some reflections about being happy in marriage. "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen When I was dating, I struggled to be the "perfect woman" thinking that would solve my dating problems. It wasn't until I experienced my husband's love for me–flaws and all–that I understood that love is not about being the perfect person or finding the perfect person, but by loving fully and perfectly. "A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers." -Ruth Bell Graham Forgiveness is essential to happiness in a marriage. It isn't always easy to forgive and ask for forgiveness. But getting good at forgiveness–for big things and little things–keeps bitterness away and opens the door to happiness. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon McLaughlin At our wedding, my husband vowed to do something every day to cause me to fall in love again. It was very romantic. But it also was a great prinicple to...
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How to Have a Good Day by Charlotte Siems Blinking in the dim light, you awaken to the sound of the shower. Your husband is already up and getting ready for the day, and you lie in bed for a few minutes thinking about what your day holds. Thoughts of all you have to do begin to crowd into your mind and you feel stress rising–and you've only been awake a few minutes! Sound familiar? What kind of day do you think you'll have when you swing your legs over the side of the bed? It's your choice. No, you don't necessarily have a choice about the thoughts that pop into your head. But you DO have a choice about what you do with them. You can be annoyed because your husband left whiskers in the sink. You can smile fondly because you have a man in the house. You can be irritated with the two-year-old who spilled milk on the table. You can patiently wipe up spilled milk, knowing this season is short. You can be full of self-pity because you have to homeschool these kids. You can be utterly grateful for the privilege of having your children home with you. The difference between the two reactions is caused by: your thoughts, your perspective, your response. Your circumstances don't change either way. Just your thoughts. When your brother-in-law has just been killed in a car accident, you're more grateful for your husband. When your older son just left for college, you appreciate the two-year-old. When you...
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My Story Of How I Learned To Cook By: Aesha Adams-Roberts It never fails. Whenever I tell people on social media that I did not know how to cook before I got married, I get someone who says, "Really? Then I guess there's hope for me!" Honestly, I only knew how to cook a few dishes. Eggs, pancakes, speghetti. I added homemade Mac 'N Cheese after a friend taught me how to make it while I was in graduate school. I brought it to every potluck dinner I was invited to! Most people don't believe that I was clueless when it came to cooking because I share my dinner menu almost every day on Facebook: Stuffed shells; Crockpot Chicken (a whole, organic chicken stuffed with apples that cooks all day in the crockpot); Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup; Bacon Wrapped Salmon Cakes; Chicken Quesadillas, the list goes on. I bring gourmet, restuarant quality meals to my family table on a weekly basis. But it wasn't always this way. In graduate school my diet consisted of cheap, frozen pizzas that tasted like cardboard, a cupboard full of Ramen noodles, canned stew made from mystery meat, and microwave Hawaiian chicken stir fry bowls. I thought fresh foods were too expensive and I wouldn't know what to do with them if I bought them anyway. I grew up with a mother who cooked from scratch, without a recipe, but aside from picking and cleaning the greens and "watching the pot" so the food didn't burn, I did not pick up any tips from hanging out in the kitchen. My lack of culinary skills made...
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