The #1 Reason You Should Listen To Your Wife By: Aesha Adams Roberts "Listen to her?! Listen to her! She has your best interest in mind. She won't steer you wrong." All the women cheered when our pastor's wife said these words during a Building Strong Marraiges conference. They were happy that someone else was saying what they've always wanted to say without being accused of nagging or complaining. My husband says that he can still hear her voice in his head whenever we have a discussion. Today, I want to be that voice in your head and share with you 3 reasons why you should listen to your wife. 3. She's not trying to control you. If she's wanting you to change your eating habits, lose weight, or rest more she wants you to know she loves you and wants you around a long time. Don't be stubborn 🙂 Besides, a new study by the University of Utah found that listening to your wife about your health, is good for her health! When a wife feels a lack of support it can lead to inflammation, increasing the risk for cardiovascular disease and other health problems. 2. She can see things you can't. I believe women have an instinct or "6th Sense," if you will that men just don't have. If you learn to trust her, you can be an unstoppable team! For example, one man always asks for his wife's input on new job candidates. He'll take the person out for dinner and bring along his wife. Her job is to observe the person and then on the way home he...
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Ask Aesha: Am I Pushing Him Away? By: Aesha Adams-Roberts I recently received this email in my Ask Aesha mailbag . . . Hey Aesha! You're truly the only person I think can help conquer this issue. I'm overall happy with my relationship. Things could be much better financially yet other than that I'm certain he will be my husband. We even have plans to wed in 2015 after gaining overall stability. I know you're thinking, "What's the issue?" I've never had to deal with a man not having a stable job. I randomly lash out at him, snapping for really no reason. I know I'm tripping but I don't tell myself to stop. I've been stressing more often because of his financial lack and somehow in society today the roles of a man and woman have seriously changed. Am I pushing him away or just being human? We don't live together, however I still desire him to work and he does also. It's just that things in his past are stopping him from finding a job. Please help! I really do love him, but it's hard. I'm Only Human *** Dear I'm Only Human– I can help, but you'll have to answer a few questions first. 1. What do YOU want your relationship and future marriage to look like? The reality is, financial stress can strain a relationship and it comes in many shapes and sizes. Unemployment, debt, medical emergencies, and more can all impact a marriage. It's a part of life but there are ways to handle it. However, if it's a deal breaker for...
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I Used To Communicate Like a Dump Truck By: Aesha Adams Roberts Both of my kids love to play with dump trucks. When I bought them, I thought they'd use them to scoop up sand, dried beans and other stuff we have around the house. They did. But they found other uses for them, too. They crash 'em and bang 'em and try to figure out ways to make the most noise with them. Many of their trucks end up with broken wheels & smashed parts. I used to communicate like a dump truck. I'd stuff all my feelings and thoughts inside until we had a big conflict. Then I'd dump it all out, even if it had nothing to do with the current conversation. Because I was so afraid to share my true feelings, I could go weeks, months and years before I let it out. When I did, it wasn't pretty! Other people communiate more agressively, kind of like how my kids bang their trucks around. They use words, body langauge, withholding affection, giving the silent treatement and more to get their way. Either way, when we communicate like a dump truck we end up with a big mess. Before your next fight, remember this: healthy conflict is better than quiet contempt. What about you? What have you learned about the way you communicate in relationships? ...
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3 Apps To Spice Up Your Love Life Aesha Adams-Roberts These days, it seems there's an app for everything! I've got apps for meal planning, making to-do lists & keeping my kids busy, to name a few. I've recently discovered that there are apps to spice up your love life! Whether you're trying to find the love of your life, you feel stuck in a date night rut, or you need fun ways to stay connected to your spouse in the midst of a busy life, these 3 apps may be your solution. Think of them as a date night in your pocket! 1) At First Sight Too busy to find love? Jaded by online dating? There's an app for that! Many popular online dating sites have developed apps that help you check in on your profile on-the-go. Those are great, but there are some hot, new apps that take online dating to another level. I spent some time exploring an app called At First Sight. It was developed by Chris Harrison, the creator of The Bachelor reality TV show. It's different from other online dating sites because users search videos instead of written profiles. I like this idea because video captures body language, intonation & eye contact in a way the written word can't. You can tell fairly quickly if you're interested in someone–no hiding behind old profile pictures! The site is still growing, so don't expect millions of users just yet, but the concept looks promising. 2) How About We (& How About We For Couples) This is an innovative dating app for singles looking for love AND couples who have already found...
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Stay Connected No Matter What: Tips For Maintaining Rewarding Relationships By: Aesha Adams-Roberts Do you ever feel like you're so busy you put your relationship last? Work. Kids. Church. Travel. The list goes on and on. My own husband and I have faced this challenge in our relationship, through deployment, pregnancies, newborns, crazy working schedules and more. We've discovered that life doesn't get any less busy. To maintain a rewarding relationship you have to be intentional about staying connected, no matter what! Here are 3 tips for busy families and couples: 1) Don't Forget The Little Things Be sure to make daily deposits into your love account. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, love notes & texts are all little things that add up! Remember: NO DEPOSIT, NO WITHDRAWAL 2) Learn To Hold Onto Each Other In The Hard Times As Dr. John Gottman says, "Most arguments are about absolutely nothing." I remember letting my anxiety about my husband's employment situation affect how we talked to each other. Even though the hiring freeze was beyond our control, I realized I could control my attitude towards it. The bottom line: don't let life drive you apart. 3) Take Advantage Of The Time That You Do Have No matter how busy you are, let your family and your significant other know that they matter to you. You can do that by creating rituals that keep you connected. For example, in our home, the family table is where we reconnect after a long day. Over dinner we ask, "So what did you do today?" We teach our kids to listen and to contribute to the conversation as well. If my husband...
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My Husband Is My Hero By: Aesha Adams-Roberts The strong, powerful woman you see today is because my husband, my hero, stands by my side. In a world where good men are hard to find and good fathers are overlooked (just think of all the myths we're led to believe about African American men as absentee fathers), there stands an ordinary hero who loves, leads and serves his family. He looks like your average good husband, but he's really a hero. My husband is one of them. When were engaged to be married, I was planning a wedding, teaching a college class, singing and serving at my church, and putting the final touches on my dissertation. My husband-to-be was a calming force in all my chaos. One afternoon, I pushed the wrong button on the computer and an entire chapter of my dissertation disappeared. The computer guy said it was lost in cyberspace. Forever. With less than a month before I had to turn it in, I was a wreck! While I wept, my man held me and told me it would be ok. He was right. When we were married, I know he wanted to take away my pain when I was sick with hyperemesis gravadarium in both my pregnancies. Since he couldn't fix it, he did what any hero would do: he knelt beside me while my head was in the toilet; he cooked, cleaned and combed our daughter's hair after a long day of work, and he did it all without complaining. He believed in me so much that he invested money into my dreams of recording a CD, writing a book and launching a business and he's my...
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"He Won't Listen!": What To Do When Your Husband Won't Talk To You By: Aesha Adams Roberts The other day a frustrated wife emailed me about what to do when your husband won't talk to you. She's not alone. Communication breakdowns and emotional disconnect are common in marriage. I've invested a lot of time and money learning how to talk to my husband because we realized that we'll never stop learning how to communicate in ways that make sense to each other. That doesn't mean we always get it right. For example, one spouse might say: "I can't wait to get to bed!" The other thinks: "Oh yeah. It's on baby!" Imagine the hurt feelings, rejection and confusion that results from this breakdown! Miscommunication is one thing; NO COMMUNICATION is another! So what do you do when your husband won't talk to you? Here are 3 ways to handle it: 1) Gender matters in your approach Relationship researcher at the Gottman Institute, Dr. Renay P. Cleary Bradley, put it this way: "Women are more likely to bring up issues and to make demands, which men tend to perceive as criticism." Women, she's not saying you ARE demanding; she's saying you can be perceived as demanding. So what do you do? Change your approach. I know you're frustrated because he won't talk, but you need to make things easy for him to open up. It's easier to let go of your hurt feelings, anger and frustration when you remember that growing your relationship is what matters. Drs. John Townsend and Henry Cloud, authors of the book Boundaries in Marriage suggest...
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Is Your Business Killing Your Family? How To Build Your Dream Together By: Aesha Adams Roberts When I stepped out to start an online business while staying at home with my kids, I couldn't figure out how I'd be able to do it all. The home business model I'd seen consisted of home parties, calling cold leads, and flying around the country to go to meetings and conferences. How are you supposed to do all that and still be a good wife and mom? Being a good wife & mom to me means being present, cooking healthy meals, keeping an orderly house, spending quality time with my husband and making happy memories with my kids. I really struggled in the beginng. My husband was supportive, but there were times when he felt I was touching my iPad more than I was touching him. There were times when the house was in chaos and I felt like I was losing my sanity! Then my business mentor challenged me: "Why do you think you have to be apart from your daughter to get stuff done?" Good question! I think the idea came from a mindset I picked up from church and my career. I grew up hearing people say things like, "You have to make sacrifices to serve God. I had to miss my son's baseball game (or my wedding anniversary) to preach. But it's all for the cause!" I heard a similar message from the academy when I was teaching college classes. The other working moms would talk to me about how guilty they felt when they spent time with their kids when they should be working (and, ironically, they...
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How To Be Happily Married For 50 Years: Practical Advice From a Couple Who Knows By: Aesha Adams-Roberts This weekend I attended the 50th Wedding Anniversary gala of Mr. and Mrs. Donald and Gloria Gridiron. Hundreds of people were there at this amazing event. I was excited to celebrate this amazing accomplishment and also learn how to be happily married for 50 years! Donald and Gloria met "the old fashioned way": At church, on her 18th birthday. Gloria was actually on a date with a young preacher, but she spotted Donald because he was so well dressed. They had a chance to meet when Gloria's date got a flat tire and Donald offered to help. They were engaged 7 months later! I loved hearing their story. I also loved the practical advice they shared on how to make your union stand the test of time. 1. "Our foundation was a commitment to God and each other" As newlyweds, they made a commitment to each other: Divorce is not an option. They took that promise seriously and made a decision to work through whatever came their way. As Gloria stated, "Anything worthwhile is worth doing. And marriage is worthwhile." Donald said, "There isn't a marriage on this earth that won't be challenged. But if I please God, I'll please my mate and I'll please myself." 2. "It's about knowing how to reconcile and make up" Forgiveness and reconciliation have helped the Gridiron's relationship stand the test of time. For exmple, they described a heated argument in the early years of their marriage–what Donald called an "intense fellowship,"–one Sunday on the way to church. Gloria got so angry that she yelled,...
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What Happy Couples Have In Common By: Aesha Adams-Roberts The average married couple spends just 4 minutes per day together due to jobs, kids, TV, the Internet and more. (Source: Facts.Randomhistory.com) Can you relate to this shocking statistic? Most married couples I talk to can. Almost daily, somone is telling me how challenging it is to connect with their spouse, how long it's been since their last date night, or how frustrated they are because it seems they're growing apart. As I've shared in a recent article, my husband and I have been there done that! Now we are AWARE of when it's happening and we have specific strategies to deal with it. We've come to an agreement: If we're too busy to invest into our marriage, then we're too busy! Dr. John Gottman, director of the "Love Lab" at Seattle University and founder of the Gottman Institute, can spot an unhappy couple quicker than Simon Cowell can find the next biggest pop star. It only takes him 5 minutes to tell whether a couple is headed toward divorce and he's got a 94% accuracy rate to prove it! There's a happy flip side to Dr. Gottman's prophetic gift. He has also identified what happy couples have in common. One of his most intriguing concepts is what he calls the "Magic 5 Hours": Couples in happy relationships invest 5 extra hours per week into their marriage. I know what you're thinking: 5 extra hours per week?! If the average couple spends 4 minutes per day together that's only a total of 28 minutes per week. Where am...
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