“I’m 57. Booty calls are a dime a dozen, but a relationship worth having is rare at my age.” This comment came from one of Facebook followers. Yes, when you’re smart, successful and dating in your 50s you face a unique dating pool. I’ve worked with some women who are Fab & Fifty who have never been married and others who are re-entering the dating scene after a divorce or death of a spouse. What they’ve encountered are men who still haven’t matured (yes, age isn’t an indication a man has grown up yet!) or who are wanting to date around because they were married for most of their lives and now want to just “be friends” and “enjoy one another’s company.” Some have emotional and financial baggage and are trying to recover from a divorce or a lifetime of poor financial choices. When they do meet a man who wants a wife, these men are often looking for a younger woman or they act like old men who are so set in their traditional ways and just want someone to cook, clean, and play nurse when they get sick. Some of them really are sick, like the man Essie was seeing. “He said with all of his health issues, he wasn’t sure he wanted to involve me in that. But he’s happy to have my company.” But it is possible to meet a partner in your 50s! Let me share tips from the work I’ve done with a client named Essie (not her real name) 1. Reinvent yourself Using my Making Room For The One System, we took...
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Hi Dr. Aesha, I am a 31 year old Caribbean woman living in Florida. I am having a horrible time dating, especially online dating which is very painful and frustrating for me because I keep hearing from people that online dating is a great place to meet quality men. I’ve watched your Vimeo video about online dating for black women and I completely agree. It seems like women of other races have it so much easier to date quality men, especially online. I am willing to do what I have to do to find true love so I am initiating emails to men that I am interested in online but I have a couple questions about continuing to do this. #1- I have always been told and it is noted in so many self-help relationship books that men are the ones to make the first move or else the relationship won’t work in the end because he won’t be the pursuer; that the woman will be treated less than because the guy will subconsciously know that he didn’t have to work in order to get her attention and date her…I initiated my last relationship (which wasn’t online) and eventually the relationship failed because my ex didn’t love me the same way I loved him; I blame myself for initiating a relationship and putting my heart, body and time on the line just to get painfully rejected…are you sure initiating emails with men online is a good idea? #2- What should I be writing in my email to the men that I am interested in online? I have tried sending winks...
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How Do I Meet Men If I Live In A Small Town? By: Dr. Aesha Dr. Aesha– I’m 34. I live in a small town and also work in another small town close by, so it’s hard to find someone that I’m interested in and that feels the same way about me. It also doesn’t help that I go to a small church and there aren’t really any single, eligible men there that are around my age. I see guys that I’m attractive to when I go out but I just feel so discouraged I don’t really even show interest any more, not even a smile sometime. When I’m getting off of work, I am tired and don’t feel like trying to get some guy’s attention, that may or may not be interested in me. Any suggestions for what I should do?? I’ve thought about moving to a larger city to increase my odds, but I’ve only been on my current job for about 8 months now, so that’s out of the question right now. ~Anita **** Hey Anita, In dating size does matter. If you’re not meeting enough men, you’re leaving your future love up to chance instead of making powerful choices that will help you attract Mr. Right. So, Anita, let’s analyze your situation: you live in a small town, work in a small town and go to a small church. You need to widen your dating pool fast, girl! I’ve coached several women who have faced this challenge and together, we’ve been able to help them position themselves so the right men find them. Let me...
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How Your Feelings Are Messing Up Your Relationships By: Dr. Aesha You already know this, but I’m going to say it anyway: Your ability to manage your feelings is directly affecting your relationships. You see, you usually make 1 of 3 choices when someone hurts you, disappoints you or ticks you off: React Reject Repress You’ve gotten so good at these responses that they happen instantly and you don’t even realize it! Don’t believe me? Let’s see if these ring true for you: You’re around a man you finally attractive and who is exactly what you’ve dreamt of your whole life. You start thinking, “He probably won’t even want to talk to me. Why would he be interested in me.” You don’t realize you have these thoughts, though. All you know is you feel awkward. So you overcompensate by pretending to be someone you’re not. Isntead of being playful, fun, open, you get stuck in your head. You wonder if the last thing you said was stupid. You can’t get a word out! You feel rejected when a man disappears after a date or stops calling you. You take it personally and then say things like, “All men lie! None of them are serious about relationships.” You take down your online dating profile and decide to take a break from dating. Maybe you’r already in a relationship, and your partner says something that hurts your feelings. You haven’t been taught to communicate openly and truthfully so you don’t say, “Babe, that really hurt me. I’m angry with you! Please don’t say that again.” Instead, you cut your eyes, suck your teeth, and tell...
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What Do You Do If There’s No Chemistry On A Date? By: Dr. Aesha “Go out with someone four times before you decide the person is not for you. I don’t believe in first impressions.” ~Anne Teachworth I agree Ms. Teachworth: First impressions are overrated. Let me tell you why. When I first saw my husband, everything about him screamed “I am a confident, ALPHA male.” However, when he asked me out on our first real date, all of that went out the door. We look back and laugh about it now, but it was a really awkward moment. I’d invited Roy to spend Thanksgiving dinner with my family and he accepted even though he’d purchased tickets to Atlanta over a year ago, to spend the holidays with his friends. Something told him not to go, he told me once we’d started dating. He fit right in with my large, loud family and hung around until late that evening. There was this awkward silence as I tried to walk him to the door to say goodbye, because he wasn’t really moving toward the door. He was just standing there. Suddenly, his eyes widened, his body stiffened, and he blurted out: “You feel like going out?” I was so floored that it took me a minute to answer. It seemed like an eternity passed before I squealed, “YES!” I think we both let out a sigh of relief and then. . . more awkwardness as we tried to figure out where we should go for our first date. The entire date was awkward, including the moment he walked me back to...
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4 Reasons Why He Won’t Commit By: Dr. Aesha Do you ever feel like you’re dating a wishy washy man? One day you’re in a relationship. The next day he isn’t ready to commit. One day he loves you. The next day he wants to take it slow. Why won’t he just seal the deal and commit? And what should you do when you find yourself in this situation? I want to take you into the mind of men and share how they think about commitment. Of course not all men think alike, but after interviewing men over the last 4 years, I’ve watched them open up and share their man secrets. They tell me things they’d never share with you. For example, the other day the cashier at the grocery store asked me what I did for a living. As soon as he heard I was a matchmaker, he opened up his heart right there in the 12 Items or Less Express line, and told me about his latest fight with his girlfriend. “I’ve been married twice and I’m dating someone now. She wants to get married which is understandable since she’s getting older. I’m just unsure. . . “ His commitment issues have caused them to break up several times. You can tell he loved her and he even tried couples counseling to work on their relationship. But he’s still hasn’t put a ring on it. The truth is, many men are relationship-minded and want marriage, so when they hesitate to commit, there’s a deeper reason. Here are the top 4 reasons that I’ve discovered from my interviews with men:...
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Should You Get Rid Of Your Ideal Man List? By: Dr. Aesha Chances are if you’re serious about relationships and you’re looking for the perfect partner, you probably have “The List.” As a matchmaker and dating coach, I feel obligated to tell you the truth: If you want to find your dream man, you’ve got to get rid of your ideal man list. I confess. I had a list. When I was a single 20-something graduate student, my girlfriends and I used to sit around after a night of watching chick flicks to talk about the man of our dreams. I had a slightly different perspective than my friends because I had been engaged before. Read the rest of my personal story at my blog on Digital Romance here– http://digitalromanceinc.com/dating/should-you-get-rid-of-your-ideal-man-list/ With Love, Dr....
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The Two Most Important Skills You Need To Be Happy In Relationships By: Dr. Aesha She instantly came out of her downward spiral of panic when I told my 30-something, never-been-married coaching client this: “There’s nothing wrong with you. You just lack some important dating and relationship skills. If you can learn how to drive, then you could learn these skills!” I don’t think anyone had ever told her this powerful information before. “What skills,” she asked, thoughtfully. “And how do I get them?” Before I share the two most important skills you need to be happy in relationships, let me say that I learned them the hard way. Like most singles I work with in my matchmaking agency, I was programmed to think that love and relationships should come naturally. I thought love would just find me. And I thought that once I fell in love and started a new relationship that things would naturally unfold and we’d end up married. A broken engagement and a drama-filled relationship with a player showed me that I didn’t really know what I was doing. The problem is we rely on chemistry to guide our choices. And once chemistry fizzles out (or if wasn’t there in the first place), you look for someone to blame. Most people internalize their dating and relationship failures. For example, I bumped into a man the other day who shared his online dating frustrations with me. “I sent this lady a Happy Birthday email and she didn’t respond to me,” he huffed. “I don’t understand why people could be so rude. At least she could have said she wasn’t interested.” Little did he know that he just lacked...
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Are There Any Good Men Out There? By: Dr. Aesha You’ve been on my mind the past few days. It’s like I can feel the struggle inside of you. If you’re a single woman and you’re thinking about taking my new 6 week online dating coaching program, I know what you’re thinking. “Are there any good, honest, sincere men out there?” I know where you’re coming from. After a painful on-again, off-again relationship with my fiance, I finally broke it off, only to end up in the arms of a player! After that I swore I’d never be hurt again and I ended up in a dating drought. No one approached me. No one asked me out. I realized it was because I was asking the wrong question! “Are there any good guys out there” is a question full of doubt, fear, frustration and even anger. When I changed my question, I got a different result. I met and married my husband in 11 short months. What would happen if YOU changed your focus? Your question determines your focus. And you always get what you focus on. I’ll prove it. Just the other day, a MAN wrote me on Facebook and said he was thinking of trying my coaching program but then said, “I was a member of blackpeoplemeet. com and all I met were women who had needs better suited for your local dept of social services to address.” A sister spoke up and said, “I’m on BPM…it’s been different for me…I’m a professional woman who desires marriage. The men I come across are ready to marry however I might not have...
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?5 Places To Meet Men Starting Today! By: Aesha Adams-Roberts You've heard me say that there are high-quality, relationship-ready men everywhere who are looking for amazing women like you! However, 9 times out of 10, the most common complaint I hear from women who are ready for Mr. Right is, "It seems like I never find guys who want anything more than sex! Where can I find a good man?" Can you relate? If you're tired of online dating, you're not into the club or bar scene and you're looking for new places to meet men, today's post is for you. The following 5 locations have been proven by research to be great spots to meet dateable men. 1. The Apple Store Glamour magazine was the first to scout out this place for HOT men! Steve Jobs and Apple, Inc. have made being a geek sexy, so you can find great guys here. Sit in on a workshop or just browse the store after work to meet new people. Strike up a conversation while gazing at some cool gadgets! And if you're still a PC girl, maybe it's time to make the switch to a MAC 🙂 2. Business and/or Personal Development Conferences If you're looking for like-minded men who share similar goals and interests, sign up for a business or personal growth conference. Remember, successful relationships are based on your partner's commitment to you, the relationship AND to their own personal growth, and these seminars are full of people like that. 3. Ask a friend to hook a sista up! Nearly 15.7% of couples met through a friend! It makes sense to network for your...
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