Have you tried that online dating thing? If so, chances are you’ve swiped left, passing up your perfect partner (and for petty reasons, too)! Let me explain. You probably know that your success in online dating rising and falls on your photos. My coaching clients know this because I recommend that they get professional photos done so they won’t be judged unfairly by men who, according to an OKCupid study, spend most of their time writing to the women they consider most attractive (about 1/3 of the women online). That sounds harsh, I know, but the fellas are actually judged more unfairly than women! In the same OKC study, they discovered that women rated 80% of the man as below average in looks (dang, sisters!). From what I’ve seen in working one on one with sisters, helping them pick out men to talk to on the dating sites, the guys are getting dissed because of bad dating photos. Dudes posting selfies of themselves dripping with sweat in the gym or climbing out the river after being baptized (true story) just aren’t that attractive. So what if you see a guy who has really bad photos? Should you give him a chance? And what should you do if his pics reflect questionable behavior like clubbing? If you swipe left, are you just being petty? I’m tackling this question in episode #3 of Ask Dr. Aesha TV. Our viewer asks if she should give a guy who looks like a Party Animal in his photos a second glance, or if her first impressions are correct. Watch now for my advice by clicking the video below (or just click here). Look. I...
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Are you done with dating? Feel like giving up on love? I get it. You’re tired of all the games. You put up a dating profile only to get an inbox full of people you’d never say hi to in real life. You spend so much time and energy into the process that it feels like a full time job. Then, just when you meet someone who has potential, you find out he’s lying, cheating or just not that into you. Or maybe you’ve gone through a really bad breakup with someone who told you he wanted marriage and family in the beginning and then one year later acts like YOU made it all up and he never even wanted a relationship in the first place. You feel like you opened your heart and got nothing in return except wasted time. And the last thing you want to do is waste your time! So it’s easy to just give up on love. Go back to school. Focus on enjoying your life. Travel, hang out with friends and family and do bad all by yourself. If you feel this way, I want you to know you’re not alone. In fact, just this week I got a question from Gabby who writes, “Hello Dr Aesha. How do you keep going with dating, because I gave up.” Let’s have a sista-to-sista talk in today’s episode where I share the secret to keeping dating until you meet The One. Click the video below to watch: Now tell me, are you done with dating? Do you need some inspiration to believe in love again?...
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“I’m 57. Booty calls are a dime a dozen, but a relationship worth having is rare at my age.” This comment came from one of Facebook followers. Yes, when you’re smart, successful and dating in your 50s you face a unique dating pool. I’ve worked with some women who are Fab & Fifty who have never been married and others who are re-entering the dating scene after a divorce or death of a spouse. What they’ve encountered are men who still haven’t matured (yes, age isn’t an indication a man has grown up yet!) or who are wanting to date around because they were married for most of their lives and now want to just “be friends” and “enjoy one another’s company.” Some have emotional and financial baggage and are trying to recover from a divorce or a lifetime of poor financial choices. When they do meet a man who wants a wife, these men are often looking for a younger woman or they act like old men who are so set in their traditional ways and just want someone to cook, clean, and play nurse when they get sick. Some of them really are sick, like the man Essie was seeing. “He said with all of his health issues, he wasn’t sure he wanted to involve me in that. But he’s happy to have my company.” But it is possible to meet a partner in your 50s! Let me share tips from the work I’ve done with a client named Essie (not her real name) 1. Reinvent yourself Using my Making Room For The One System, we took...
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“Maybe it’s just not meant to be.” I could hear the hopelessness in her voice, even though she tried to convince me she was happy being single. My former roommate was approaching the age of 40 and she was freaking out because she hadn’t found a husband. Her biological clock was ticking and since she didn’t have any prospects, she figured it’d be easier to just give up on her dreams instead of holding on to hope that she’d find real love. I couldn’t let her give up. She was my sister-friend, and she deserved to be happy. She was beautiful, talented, giving, and a successful career woman. I knew she would make a great wife and mom. We were hanging out in her master bedroom, with me watching her as she was cleaning out her cluttered closets. All of a sudden, I blurted out: “You gotta make room for love! Just like you’re cleaning out your closets, you gotta clean out your life so the right man can come in.” Then I told her I could see her holding a beautiful baby boy with big, round eyes. Later that day, we went to the mall. As soon as we stepped through the doors, we saw a sign that read, “MAKE ROOM.” The building was being renovated and these signs were everywhere we looked. I knew it was a divine download. God was giving my sister-friend a lifeline of hope, but it was up to her to reach out and take it. In a few short months, my sister-friend called me. She’d met someone! They got married a year later and she asked me to pray for her as they...
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Hi Dr. Aesha, I am a 31 year old Caribbean woman living in Florida. I am having a horrible time dating, especially online dating which is very painful and frustrating for me because I keep hearing from people that online dating is a great place to meet quality men. I’ve watched your Vimeo video about online dating for black women and I completely agree. It seems like women of other races have it so much easier to date quality men, especially online. I am willing to do what I have to do to find true love so I am initiating emails to men that I am interested in online but I have a couple questions about continuing to do this. #1- I have always been told and it is noted in so many self-help relationship books that men are the ones to make the first move or else the relationship won’t work in the end because he won’t be the pursuer; that the woman will be treated less than because the guy will subconsciously know that he didn’t have to work in order to get her attention and date her…I initiated my last relationship (which wasn’t online) and eventually the relationship failed because my ex didn’t love me the same way I loved him; I blame myself for initiating a relationship and putting my heart, body and time on the line just to get painfully rejected…are you sure initiating emails with men online is a good idea? #2- What should I be writing in my email to the men that I am interested in online? I have tried sending winks...
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Should Bad Credit Be A Deal Breaker? By: Dr. Aesha “Hey girl….can I get your digits? No, I don’t mean your phone number. I mean your credit score!” Can you imagine if a man approached you like this? What would you feel? Yet, there’s a new trend called “Credit Score Dating” that’s gaining traction. Suze Orman started it when she insited on the Oprah show that women need to know a man’s FICO score before sleeping with him. “FICO Before Sex” has become an bigger anthem for some single ladies han Beyonce’s “Put a ring on it.” Since Orman’s TV appearance, there’s been a study by FreeCreditScore.com where 96% of women found a man’s financial responsibility more attractive than his looks (vs 57% of men) and a new dating website where people are matched by their credit scores! I’m a bit baffled by this trend. Can you really tell if someone is relationship-material by three little numbers? Some people I’ve chatted with–mostly women–say yes. A credit score is a reflection of a person’s character, they tell me. But I’m not so convinced. Most of us have been taught how to get into debt. We buy cars, houses, vacations and every day items using debt. All it takes is one emergency–a job loss, a recession, a divorce, or a medical bill–and your score can go in the tank. The only thing a credit score shows is that you know how to manage DEBT well. It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re good with saving money, building wealth or even talking about finances with a partner. There’s a better way to figure out if a man is a good...
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?5 Places To Meet Men Starting Today! By: Aesha Adams-Roberts You've heard me say that there are high-quality, relationship-ready men everywhere who are looking for amazing women like you! However, 9 times out of 10, the most common complaint I hear from women who are ready for Mr. Right is, "It seems like I never find guys who want anything more than sex! Where can I find a good man?" Can you relate? If you're tired of online dating, you're not into the club or bar scene and you're looking for new places to meet men, today's post is for you. The following 5 locations have been proven by research to be great spots to meet dateable men. 1. The Apple Store Glamour magazine was the first to scout out this place for HOT men! Steve Jobs and Apple, Inc. have made being a geek sexy, so you can find great guys here. Sit in on a workshop or just browse the store after work to meet new people. Strike up a conversation while gazing at some cool gadgets! And if you're still a PC girl, maybe it's time to make the switch to a MAC 🙂 2. Business and/or Personal Development Conferences If you're looking for like-minded men who share similar goals and interests, sign up for a business or personal growth conference. Remember, successful relationships are based on your partner's commitment to you, the relationship AND to their own personal growth, and these seminars are full of people like that. 3. Ask a friend to hook a sista up! Nearly 15.7% of couples met through a friend! It makes sense to network for your...
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The Secret to Getting Your Man To Listen To You . . . Without Nagging, Complaining, or Screaming! By Aesha Adams-Roberts I recently had a conversation with a beautiful, successful, single woman who has found the man of her dreams. As we talked about what was holding her back from marrying this man, (even though he wants to marry her), one of the things she said was, “whenever I try to talk with him, I can’t find the right words. So I just scream!” This sister is not alone. The fact is many women struggle with communicating. Whether it’s knowing what to say when first meeting a man, knowing what to talk about on a date, or communicating your needs in such a way that a man can’t help but fulfill them, few women know the secrets to getting a man to listen. Knowing how to communicate with other people is a key to success in life. And without good communication skills, the happiness in a relationship will not last long. Sadly, most people weren’t groomed with the kind of skills that make communication easy and fun. As a result, we often sound like 3 year olds who nag, complain, or scream when we don’t get our way. It's no wonder many men shut down when it’s time to have a serious talk with their woman. Let’s talk about how to communicate with your man in such a way that he wants to listen to you. Most women make the mistake of bringing up an important topic at the very moment they think about it. As one sister told me on Facebook: With men, timing is...
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"Where Are All The Available Men?" How To Find A Man Who Is Ready For A Relationship By: Aesha Adams-Roberts "Where are all the available men?" "There are no good men in [insert your city here]!" I can't tell you how many times I've heard this from frustrated, single women looking for a relationship-ready man. These successful sistas aren't complaining about the men/women ratios in their particular city; they're fed up with meeting the wrong kind of man! Let me help a sista out! If you approached your "man search" with the same mindset as a job search, you'd have better results. Instead of asking "where are all the available men?" ask "how can I find a man who's serious about a relationship?" It seems like a small tweak, but changing the question from where to how, does one of two things: 1) assumes that there are available men 2) sets you up to search for solutions Here's how to find a man who is ready for a relationship: 1) Ask your family and friends to introduce you to someone: This can be done in person or in cyberspace! For example, you could search your friends' Facebook profiles for available men and ask your friend to connect you. Or you could do it the old-fashioned way, and go on a blind date. You could also plan a get-together and ask your friends and family to bring at least one single guy. 2) Use online dating. There are millions of people online; Nearly 1/5 of marriages have started from online dating! In addition to the big sites like Match.com, Eharmony.com, and BlackPeopleMeet.com I've seen specialty online dating sites for...
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3 Apps To Spice Up Your Love Life Aesha Adams-Roberts These days, it seems there's an app for everything! I've got apps for meal planning, making to-do lists & keeping my kids busy, to name a few. I've recently discovered that there are apps to spice up your love life! Whether you're trying to find the love of your life, you feel stuck in a date night rut, or you need fun ways to stay connected to your spouse in the midst of a busy life, these 3 apps may be your solution. Think of them as a date night in your pocket! 1) At First Sight Too busy to find love? Jaded by online dating? There's an app for that! Many popular online dating sites have developed apps that help you check in on your profile on-the-go. Those are great, but there are some hot, new apps that take online dating to another level. I spent some time exploring an app called At First Sight. It was developed by Chris Harrison, the creator of The Bachelor reality TV show. It's different from other online dating sites because users search videos instead of written profiles. I like this idea because video captures body language, intonation & eye contact in a way the written word can't. You can tell fairly quickly if you're interested in someone–no hiding behind old profile pictures! The site is still growing, so don't expect millions of users just yet, but the concept looks promising. 2) How About We (& How About We For Couples) This is an innovative dating app for singles looking for love AND couples who have already found...
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