Serena Williams broke the Internet with her announcement that she’s engaged to Reddit co-founder, Alexis Ohanian. In the midst of the congratulatory posts, there’s a controversy brewing. It seems a lot of brothas are mad that Serena is marrying a white man. Here are some of their comments: How Serena Williams goin to consider her self a strong black woman and can’t even handle being with a Black man??? — Shooters Shoot (@Pyrex_Picasso) December 29, 2016 Serena Williams moved out of Compton & now decides to back it up on a White boy #Traitor pic.twitter.com/1HSJDQfZ2t — Romeo Mo Blaq™ (@PluckyNemes) December 30, 2016 I’m amazed at how sexualized and sexist these rants are about Serena! For these guys, it seems being a “strong” Black woman who can handle being with a Black man means putting up with infidelity and commitment phobia. They also seem to forget that Serena just came back to Compton with her sister, Venus, to launch the Yetunde Price Resource Center, a community service center named after their late sister who was a victim of gun violence. They project their own sexual fantasies of Serena onto her fiancé, and claim that he only wants to bang her (even though he put a ring on it!) It’s downright disgusting. The sisters, for the most part, have Serena’s back, however. They’re pointing out the fact that the Black celebrities Serena dated (Common, Drake) cheated on her, and that Serena’s been telling the world that she desperately wants marriage and a family. She did want she needed to do–and what she wanted to do: Keep her options open...
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I know you know what you want in a man. But do you know what you need? I ask all the women who work with me this question, because it’s clear to me that most women who find themselves stuck in a pattern of choosing men who break their heart over and over again, don’t know how to discern a man who is husband material. They’re drawn to the wrong qualities that attract them to toxic partners and friend zone men who would make an amazing husband! I teach them how to “let the man be the man” so that they can easily distinguish between a player and a partner. But what does that even mean, and how can it help you choose a husband? First you need to understand that choosing a boyfriend isn’t the same thing as choosing a husband. From my observations as a coach and matchmaker, I’ve seen sistas choose men because of the chemistry they feel with him. They like the way a man dresses or assumes that because he’s successful in a career, he’ll have what it takes to be a good partner. They like a man with SWAG, without understanding that the man who sweeps you off your feet in the beginning of a relationship will often knock the life out of you by the end of the breakup. I want you in a happy relationship with a husband, not just blown away by a boyfriend. So let me share with you the profiles of three kinds of men you’re likely to encounter in dating, keeping in mind that not all men fall...
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Dr. Aesha— I see you often proclaim that your husband proposed in 11 short months despite originally shying away front the thought of marriage. However, just about every piece of advice I’ve found, including from your articles, encourages women not to waste their time with men who make it clear from the beginning that marriage is not on the menu…So, which one is it? Should I still communicate with and remain open to a man who isn’t interested in marriage or do I pack my bags and avoid wasting my time? *************************** First, let me clarify something in my love story. My husband was interested in marriage. He wasn’t, however, actively looking for a wife, and he wanted me to know that upfront. Second, there’s a big difference between a man who isn’t ready for marriage and someone who doesn’t believe in marriage. My husband was marriage-minded but wasn’t relationship-ready, which is why I continued to see him, although I didn’t open up my heart to him until after we’d had conversations about where we were headed in the future. I knew he wasn’t just a commitment-phobe because we had in-depth conversations about what we both wanted in the future and he talked about having a family of his own. Once we became official, I went into the relationship knowing full well that we were working toward marriage. So how can you tell if a man doesn’t believe in marriage? Here are 3 warning signs: 1. He tries to convince you that marriage is just a piece of paper. If you ask your man when you’re getting married and he says, “Come...
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You just want to love and be loved. So why is it so hard to attract a good man who believes in commitment when you’re a successful Black woman? On this training call, I’m going to tell you what most relationship and dating gurus never dare to expose: the truth about why dating is so challenging when you’re a highly educated, high achieving, purpose driven, successful sista. (Yes, your suspicions were correct, girl!) On this free call, you will discover: The very simple, PROVEN system my clients have followed that resulted in 90% of them being engaged, in long-term relationships or actively dating (2-4 dates per week) in the last 12 months Why 100% of my successful clients report feeling more confident, peaceful and in control of their futures with the skill set to have options in dating instead setting for any ole person that comes along Why successful singles avoid dating by focusing on their careers, families and other activities, and how they used my amazingly supportive coaching system to break their patterns of hiding, putting themselves last, dating the wrong men or feeling anxious about whether a relationship would really work out. Why I’m getting DMs, emails, and invites saying “thank you,” “I wouldn’t have met him if it weren’t for you,” and even “I’m getting married in 2 weeks!” How you can create an action plan that you can execute within the remaining months of this year and begin building a brand new love life from scratch Make sure you register now! <<CLICK HERE>> Then put this preview call on your calendar right away. Date: Wednesday, September 28, 2016 Time: 9 PM EST Look, I know you’re busy so if you can’t make it...
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You’ve been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve been hearing from a lot of sisters who are dealing with a common problem in relationships, and I was wondering if you’ve been struggling with it too. What to do when a man you’re dating says, “I’m not ready for marriage”? You may be completely confused and hurt because when you met he said he was looking forward to marriage. But when you had “The Talk,” he said he wasn’t sure. What do you do? I actually was in this similar situation when I met my husband, Roy. We were in a grey area when we began seeing each other. I couldn’t even really tell if we were dating or not. We were going out for coffee. Catching a movie. Grabbing a bite to eat. Talking on the phone. And just when I thought he was getting closer to me, he’d say, “You know I’m not really looking for anything right now. I’m focused on my career and getting closer to God.” I was confused. So I prayed! I believe in asking God questions, specifically to reveal the truth about a situation to you. I did it in past relationships, but always pushed past that still, small voice telling me what to do. This time, I was determined to lean in and listen. God told me, “Watch his fruit.” More grey areas! I wanted a clear, black or white answer (or maybe a neon light, telling me what to do!). But there was great wisdom in what I heard. A person produces fruit in his life based on the roots in his life. Put another way, his...
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Hi Dr. Aesha, So it’s a long story but I really could use some advice. I’ve been engaged to a man for over a year. However we have known each other for 23 years. He was a single father and I was a single mother when we got together. Anyways, he suffers from OCD and not the typical type some have but the one like Howie Mandel. It’s so bad that his temper gets the best of him at times and he can’t stay off a schedule. But it is one of the things that challenges our relationship. Another challenge is infidelity. I have trust issues from my past, I will admit, but in the beginning and throughout our relationship, he had received texts and calls from these random females who he either went on a date with, had sexual relations with or just flirted with. One who he claims he only went on a date with bothers me the most because last September she emailed him asking why he blocked her from social media, and if it was because he was engaged to me and still talking to her. I confronted him on this and he denied it but it caused him to start questioning our relationship. At this time, I put the ball in his court and told him to decide if he wanted to make a commitment to me and our family (we are expecting a child) or does he want to go back to the life he was living, as a bachelor sleeping with different women. He stated he needed time to think on this....
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Dear Dr. Aesha, I’m in a relationship and I adore him. I’ve only been with him for three months, but I can see a future with him and he says the same. But I’m not sure if he’s serious or not. I identified with being the Boss Lady, and it does make him back up. He says, “Let’s let it flow.” He wants to marry me, but he needs time to get himself together. He says I’m The One one day and the next day says he needs to see if I’m The One…so I get confused…he’s what I want…What do I do? So Confused ***** Girl, do me a favor. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I can feel the panic and anxiety just by reading your email. And as Anais Nin said, “Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.” What this means is when you are in a place of anxiety about your relationship, you are feeling insecure and you begin to pressure your man for signs, answers and other proof that he really wants to be with you. You’re looking for reassurance, but you’ll just push him further away. You’ll start interpreting things he does as proof that he doesn’t want to be with you “Oh no, he didn’t text me back right away. He must be seeing someone else.” “He didn’t say ‘I love you’ quick enough. Maybe he changed his mind.” “I wonder...
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5 Things Your Future Husband Wished You Knew By: Dr. Aesha When a man is ready for marriage, there are specific things he looks for before he decides to commit. The problem is he won’t always tell you what’s inside his mind. That can make dating and relationships frustrating and dealing with your man can feel confusing. But through the 5 secrets I’m about to share with you, you’ll be able to take your relationship to the next level (if you’re dating), and prepare for wife life if you’re still waiting to be found by Mr. Right. So here are 5 things your future husband wished you knew: He needs your help and acceptance Men don’t have it all together. Behind all that swag, he has insecurities, weaknesses and fears just like you. Don’t assume that his rough and tough exterior means he is invincible. He needs your help. What does he need your help with? You will need to spend time getting to know your man to find out the areas he needs you to help him with. And sometimes you’ll need to ask (and not just assume). But in general, men need help reaching their goals and dreams. They need help seeing their true potential. They need you to give them insights into people and situations so they aren’t taken advantage of. They need you to bring your strengths, gifts, talents, and abilities to the relationship to cover their own weaknesses. Your job is to be wise enough to know how to help him without making him feel like a failure. He wants you to listen to...
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I’m Still Hung Up On My Ex. How Do I Move On? By: Dr. Aesha Dear Dr. Aesha, I’ve been dating the same man off and on for 7 years. We tried living together twice but it didn’t work out (1) because I refuse to spend my life cleaning up after a man (2) he lived on Facebook but his page gave no indication that he was in a relationship (3) he disrespected me by staying out all night drinking (he say). We’re not together but we can’t just let each other go. I want to move on and find that special person so what can I do to cut ties because I still have feelings for him and do care about his well being. ******* I feel sorry for you, sis. In fact, I can empathize with you. I went back and forth with two of my exes before I had the courage to move on. So let me help you understand why you’re still hung up on your ex and how you can move on and find that special person who will respect and love you. There are two reasons you’re still attached to your ex: 1) You’ve created a soul tie with him. A soul tie is a deep emotional and spiritual connection that’s formed whenever you become intimate with someone. It’s a natural “side effect” that helps two people bond and stay attached. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a healthy relationship, so what was originally intended to be a great way to stay connected is now keeping you in BONDAGE to a man who isn’t good for you. ...
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5 Ways You’re Wasting Your Time With The Wrong Man By: Dr. Aesha A man who can’t be upfront with you about where he stands on marriage in general and a relationship with you in particular, will most likely waste your time. And the last thing a smart, successful sister needs to do is waste her time! Here are 5 warning signs you’re wasting your time with the wrong man: 1. You believe him when he says he wants commitment Maybe he told you he could see himself marrying someone just like you. Or perhaps early on in the relationship, you had serious talks about marriage and what you both wanted out of life. Then things got a little bumpy and he cooled off. You’re scared to bring up the commitment talk again because you don’t want to push him away. I mean, he already told you he wants the same things you do, right? If you do get the courage to ask him where the relationship is going he gives you a bunch of excuses: The timing is wrong My money is funny Girl, you know I love you I’m just not ready yet I need to get some things in order first Here’s the deal: His talk about commitment means very little if he’s not backing his words up with clear actions. Remember, if his words and actions don’t match, he’s not a good catch! 2. You don’t believe him when he says he doesn’t want commitment You need discernment to tell if this is a red flag or a yellow light. For example, my husband told me for the first...
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