First Date Dealbreakers That Drive Men Away And How To Avoid Them By: Aesha Adams-Roberts I almost blew it with my dream man! We were going to lunch at Panera Bread and I was making small talk as we drove from campus to the restaurant. Although I was teaching at a university in the Midwest at the time, I had an interview for a position at a university in the South that was coming up and I mentioned it as we chatted. Before I met him, I was trying everything in my power to land my dream job in the South. But now things had changed. Even though we weren’t officially dating, I knew that he was the kind of man I had been looking for. I knew that I wasn’t going to take the job but I didn’t tell him that. When I brought up the interview he said, “So this job is just temporary? You’re not really planning on staying here, huh?” There must have been something in his voice that made me realize that how I’d respond to his question could either make or break my chances with him. I could tell that he was trying to find out whether or not it was worth it to pursue a relationship with me. In other words, if I was serious about moving and he had no desire for a long distance relationship, I might have become less desirable for him. Why even take time getting to know me if things wouldn’t work out anyway? I thought about my answer to his question very carefully. “Well, I used to really want...
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AeshaOnline TV Episode #6: "If He Likes Me, Why Didn't He Ask Me Out?" By: Aesha Adams-Roberts Welcome to this episode of AeshaOnline TV! Dating can be a lot of fun, but it can also be frustrating & confusing: He calls you, but says you're just friends; He sends you all the signs that he's interested and available, but never asks you out. When this happened to me when I was single, I wanted to yell, WHY DO MEN DO THAT?! In today's episode, I answer this question sent in from a viewer who is frustrated because men flirt with her, but never ask her out. I explain how men can be interested in you but not want to date you, PLUS what you can do about it so that you stay in control of your love life. WATCH NOW! ...
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AeshaOnline TV Episode #5: 3 Myths About Marriage That Keep Women Single (Or Unhappily Married) From Disney movies to reality TV shows, we're bombarded with so many messages about how we are supposed to meet, date, fall in love and live happily ever after. These stories seem harmless, but can actually create dating blind spots! In today's episode, Aesha discusses & debunks 3 common myths about marriage that are based on fantasies and fairy tales. These myths seem fun but will lead you into all the wrong relationships (and if you're married, cause unnecessary conflicts!). Grab a pen & paper because after today's powerful episode, you'll see men, marriage & yourself in an entirely new way. Click here to watch NOW! ...
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Too Busy To Date? Here's Your Customized Dating Plan By: Aesha Adams-Roberts Alexis* and Shannon* are two accomplished women over 35. (*Names have been changed). They're both driven, ambitious, beautiful, and talented. These smart, successful sistas are at the top of their game in their respective careers and they're ready to settle down and start a family. They're also both too busy to date. The difference between them is this: Shannon hired a matchmaker so that all she had to do was show up on her dates; she knows that she needs to invest time to find the right person & start a relationship with him, so she's making doing what it takes to make it work. Alexis on the other hand, told me the custom online dating plan I desgined for her was, "too much work. I'm too busy with my job and volunteering and church and working out and having a life, and . . . " As a dating coach, a reply like this is a big red flag. One one hand you tell me you really want to be married and have kids. And it all has to happen NOW because you're over 35 and your biological clock is ticking.On the other hand, you're too busy to date so you can find your ideal partner. What's really holding you back? Why are you sabotagoing yourself? Do you really want to be in a relationship? What do you want? There are many reasons why Alexis could be standing in her own way. Here are some of the mindsets that I tend to see among smart, successful women who are too busy to date: You can't have it all! Something will have...
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This is probably the most emotional post I have written all year. In a few hours, we'll say goodbye to 2013 and embrace a fresh, new start in 2014. I want to share a few thoughts with you that will inspire you to find and keep love in 2014. But first, let me share a quick story. Two years ago, today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy! From conception to delivery, nothing went as planned. I endured 6 months of horrific, non-stop nausea, dehydration, drastic weight loss, hospital stays, home health care, weekly IV's and other invasive medical procedures. It was not what I expected. My husband was so supportive and stepped up to take care of everything. By the time I was ready to deliver, I was praying for a speedy delivery so I could finally hold my baby in my arms. The birth was not what I expected. "It's not supposed to be like this!" I wailed (or maybe YELLED is more accurate). I was too far along for any pain medication. I'd have to give birth naturally, but because the doctor wasn't around, I had to endure intense labor for an additional 25 minutes before I could deliver our son! "You can do this. You are strong," the nurse assured me. I didn't believe her. All I wanted was relief. At some point, however, between contractions, I had to decide to let go of how I thought things should be & accept them for what they were. No doctor. No epidural. Just me, my husband, my mom (on the phone) and a team of nurses. Gratefully, I delivered...
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The Secret To Successful, Long-Term Relationships By: Aesha Adams-Roberts What's the secret to successful, long-term relationships? I wanted to ask the couple celebrating 50 years of marriage that question. My husband and I were celebrating our 7th year wedding anniversary and noticed the couple as they walked in the restaurant because of their matching T-shirts: "The First 50 Years Are The Hardest," the shirts read. I think the message on the shirt summed up whatever advice they would have given me. I imagine they would have told me that being "in love" isn't enough to sustain a long-term relationship. I love the goose bumps, butterflies in the stomach, fireworks, rainbows and unicorns that come with falling in love. But if you ask any couple who is honest and who has been together for a long time, that "goose bump-butterflies-fireworks-rainbows-unicorns" feeling can fade. When your kids won't sleep at night or you're exhausted from a long day at work, or your libido disappeared after pregnancy, it's not those "in love" feelings that will keep you and your spouse together. There's got to be something deeper. I like this quote from psychologist Erich Fromm's book, The Art of Loving: “Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision.” The secret to lasting, long-term relationships is the decision to make a commitment to the commitment. This commitment is defined by consistency; it's...
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AeshaOnline TV Episode #3: 3 Mistakes Smart, Successful Women Make When Looking For Love I'm known as a "Myth-Buster" when it comes to ideas most people have about dating, relationships and marriage. If you're a successful, single woman who's looking for love you've probably been told: "You're talented, amazing & confident. Just stay focused on your career and your goals. The right man will come along; these things just take care of themselves!" The truth is, you have to make your love life a priority. For couples that means making time for each other; for singles, that means actively looking for a relationship. Love doesn't "just happen" In this episode of AeshaOnline TV, I BUST this myth and reveal 3 mistakes smart, successful single women make when looking for a lasting relationship and how to avoid them. Grab a pen & paper because I'm about to reveal secrets that can be the game-changer in your love life! WATCH NOW! ...
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How To Buy The Perfect Gift For Your Spouse By Aesha Adams-Roberts Last Christmas season a sister came to me stressed out about what to get her boyfriend for Christmas. He's really into sports, she said, and he likes expensive watches, but he already has everything. She decided to get him some nice sweaters, an expensive Laker's watch, and some other sports memorabilia. When I saw her after Christmas I asked her how everything went. He hated everything, she said. I told him I'm not even going to try anymore. Has this ever happened to you? For many people, trying to figure out what to give the one you love for Christmas gifts is very stressful. But it doesn't have to be if you keep this one thing in mind: When getting a gift for your husband or boyfriend, shop with their love language in mind, not yours (this works for men getting gifts for their wife or girlfriend). Gary Chapman coined the phrase "love language" in his book, The Five Love Languages. He explains that everyone experiences love in a different way–a different language–although we're usually attracted to someone who speaks a different love language from our own. I recommend you visit Gary Chapman's site www.5lovelanguages.com to take a quick quiz on the five different languages, but for now, I'll give you a quick summary of each language and a few gift ideas for each. 1) Words of affirmation–these include loving words, unsolicited compliments, and appreciation . The man whose love language is affirmation loves to hear "I love you" and wants to know why you love him. Gift...
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AeshaOnline TV Episode #1: Why Men Pull Away (And What To Do About It) By: Aesha Adams Roberts Welcome to the very first episode of AeshaOnline TV where I share secrets, tips and advice to help you find and keep the love of your life. In today's episode, I'm answering a question from a reader who wants to know: Why men pull away when things get serious in a relationship? If you've ever felt like everything was going great and then, out of nowhere, he changes, OR you've heard "I'm not ready for a relationship" from a man you've dated, today's episode will give you some answers! Grab a pen & paper because I'm revealing what motivates a man to stay in a relationship, how to tell if he's not into you anymore, and what you can do about it. WATCH...
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How A Love Map Can Increase Intimacy In Your Relationship By: Aesha Adams Roberts My heart was pounding in my chest. I couldn't believe he agreed to meet with me again at Starbucks. It was our second date and I was excited. While we sipped on Carmel Macchiatos with extra caramel, I asked him to tell me stories about his experiences as a naval officer. He told me what it was like to travel in Japan, Thailand and the Philippines. I listened to him describe what the moon and stars looked like from a warship in the middle of the ocean. He told me stories about growing up as a preacher's kid, and what he learned from his three older sisters. Before I knew it, three hours had passed and we were still talking! It wasn't until his student walked in the door, that the man I would eventually marry realized he had missed an appointment! I fell in love with my husband and became his friend at the same time. This combination is key if you want to increase intimacy in your relationships. Dr. John Gottman, head researcher at The Gottman Institute and founder of the Love Lab, calls it creating a Love Map. The Love Map is like a GPS to your partner's inner world. It's knowing the little things about your partner’s life so that you create a strong foundation of intimacy in your relationship. The Love Map is how you get to your partner's heart! The map includes: Knowing your partner's hopes and dreams Knowing what stresses or worries them Knowing the challenges they've overcome in life Knowing what brings them joy Knowing who they are on their best days and...
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