Insight Into The Male Mind: The Inside Scoop On What He's Really Thinking By: Aesha Adams Roberts Does he like me or is he just being nice? Is he keeping secrets from me? I remember being so frustrated with dating and relationships because it seemed that some of the men I liked were sending me mixed signals. One man in particular seemed to have all the qualities I was looking for: good looking, respectful, a Christian with a heart for youth and overseas missions, and a hard worker. Some days he'd act like he was into me, while other days it seemed I was invisible to him. I couldn't put my finger on it. It was all a mystery to me. I wasted a lot of time thinking something was wrong with ME, simply because I didn't understand how men think. Have you ever wondered what men really think about love? Or about women in particular? Have you wasted time trying to figure out what they want? A couple of weeks ago I surveyed the men who are a part of our Facebookcommunity. I was surprised with what they told me. (I've only used their initials to honor their privacy): Me: Brothers help us out: What 3 things do you wish women knew about men that would help us treat you better? Pastor MDR: That we don't think like you do. That we need to lead even though we know who really is in charge. And we hate to have things held against us even after we have apologized. 1, 2, and 3. I'm just saying… Fellas help me out here. JW: That the...
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The Secret To Finding And Keeping The Love Of Your Life By: Aesha Adams Roberts What is the secret to finding and keeping the love of your life? A friend of mine gave me some interesting advice that I think points us in the right direction: "When you're dating, use a magnifying class. After you get married, wear rose-colored glasses!" Her words were a real eye-opener. As I sat in my newly married friend's apartment, listening to her wisdom, I realized I had on the wrong glasses. I had just discovered a ton of emails my boyfriend had written to a bunch of other women. After crying my eyes out in my office, I asked myself, "how could I have ignored the signs?" Apparently rose-colored glasses make red flags blend in with everything else! I was focusing on the postivie things about my boyfriend: "He makes me laugh," "He's got potential." If I would have used the magnifying glass, I wouldn't have explained away the fact that he flirted with other women, he didn't want a steady job, and he wasn't sure he'd ever want to get married and have kids. These were deal-breakers for me, but my decision to only look at his potential caused me to waste a lot of time and endure a lot of pain. Before you say, "I do," you need to keep a magnifyng glass on hand. Make sure the person you're giving your heart to lines up with your values and the vision for life you want to live. After you say, "I do," trade in that magnifiying glass for some rose-colored specs to keep the honeymoon going! A study followed newlywed couples for 3 years. The couples who...
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What I Wish I Knew About Sex Before I Got Married By: Aesha Adams-Roberts "Wait until marriage . . . oh, and by the way, after you get married–TOUCH NOT! TASTE NOT! HANDLE NOT!" This was the strongest message about sexual intimacy I remember hearing as a young adult. The focus was on what I "shouldn't do" and not on what I could do. (Sounds like a lot of the teaching motivated by a religious spirit. All those rules and Dos and Don'ts totally miss the true heart and nature of God.) This isn't the only message about sex that we need to hear. We also need to hear that sex in marriage is supposed to be holy . . . and HOT! God's heart is for the marriage bed to be on fire. He created sex, after all, and it wasn't just for procreation. It was for pleasure. He gave us a sex drive and his intentions were for us to manage our sex life and not let it drive us. Can you imagine if you'd heard that God wants you to be holy & hot at one of those "Becoming a Godly Woman" conferences? I would have fallen out of my chair! Because this truth is missing from so much teaching on dating, relationships and marriage, I put together an exciting new eBook entitled, Keep Your Marriage Hot & Everything You Dreamed It Would Be Long After the Honeymoon is Over. I've finally started the production process and to celebrate, I'm hosting a LIVE 1-HR teleclass on this topic. Join me on Monday, November 18th at 8 PM EST for a FREE 1-HR teleclass where I will reveal secrets...
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The #1 Reason You Should Listen To Your Wife By: Aesha Adams Roberts "Listen to her?! Listen to her! She has your best interest in mind. She won't steer you wrong." All the women cheered when our pastor's wife said these words during a Building Strong Marraiges conference. They were happy that someone else was saying what they've always wanted to say without being accused of nagging or complaining. My husband says that he can still hear her voice in his head whenever we have a discussion. Today, I want to be that voice in your head and share with you 3 reasons why you should listen to your wife. 3. She's not trying to control you. If she's wanting you to change your eating habits, lose weight, or rest more she wants you to know she loves you and wants you around a long time. Don't be stubborn 🙂 Besides, a new study by the University of Utah found that listening to your wife about your health, is good for her health! When a wife feels a lack of support it can lead to inflammation, increasing the risk for cardiovascular disease and other health problems. 2. She can see things you can't. I believe women have an instinct or "6th Sense," if you will that men just don't have. If you learn to trust her, you can be an unstoppable team! For example, one man always asks for his wife's input on new job candidates. He'll take the person out for dinner and bring along his wife. Her job is to observe the person and then on the way home he...
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How Much Homework Should You Do Before A First Date? #RelationshipRant By: Aesha Adams Roberts How much homework should you do before a first date? That was the topic of a recent #RelationshipRant Roundtable I participated in on Twitter a few weeks ago. Relationship experts and single women around the world weighed in on the topic and asked questions like: Should you Google the person before the first date? What might their Facebook profile or Twitter reveal about who this person is? Should you even go so far as to do a background check on the person to stay safe in online dating? You wouldn't believe the horror stories I heard at this virtual roundtable! One woman found out her date was married with kids by looking at Facebook pictures; others thought it was suspicious if a person didn't have any social media profiles at all. I shared how I spent time as a freelancer earlier this year and saw several guys looking to hire someone to manage their online dating profiles. The job included sending emails to several women all at once; the guys had specific details on the type of woman they wanted to talk to and strict guidelines on what should be in those emails. Can you say UGH?! A horrifying story I heard just yesterday from a woman looking for her Mr. Right made the Mother Bear in me ROAR! She was dating a man for over a year before finding out he was engaged to be married. He'd bought a ring, sent out Save The Date cards and was in the middle of pre-marital counseling with another woman all while trying to convince his...
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Ask Aesha: Am I Pushing Him Away? By: Aesha Adams-Roberts I recently received this email in my Ask Aesha mailbag . . . Hey Aesha! You're truly the only person I think can help conquer this issue. I'm overall happy with my relationship. Things could be much better financially yet other than that I'm certain he will be my husband. We even have plans to wed in 2015 after gaining overall stability. I know you're thinking, "What's the issue?" I've never had to deal with a man not having a stable job. I randomly lash out at him, snapping for really no reason. I know I'm tripping but I don't tell myself to stop. I've been stressing more often because of his financial lack and somehow in society today the roles of a man and woman have seriously changed. Am I pushing him away or just being human? We don't live together, however I still desire him to work and he does also. It's just that things in his past are stopping him from finding a job. Please help! I really do love him, but it's hard. I'm Only Human *** Dear I'm Only Human– I can help, but you'll have to answer a few questions first. 1. What do YOU want your relationship and future marriage to look like? The reality is, financial stress can strain a relationship and it comes in many shapes and sizes. Unemployment, debt, medical emergencies, and more can all impact a marriage. It's a part of life but there are ways to handle it. However, if it's a deal breaker for...
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I Used To Communicate Like a Dump Truck By: Aesha Adams Roberts Both of my kids love to play with dump trucks. When I bought them, I thought they'd use them to scoop up sand, dried beans and other stuff we have around the house. They did. But they found other uses for them, too. They crash 'em and bang 'em and try to figure out ways to make the most noise with them. Many of their trucks end up with broken wheels & smashed parts. I used to communicate like a dump truck. I'd stuff all my feelings and thoughts inside until we had a big conflict. Then I'd dump it all out, even if it had nothing to do with the current conversation. Because I was so afraid to share my true feelings, I could go weeks, months and years before I let it out. When I did, it wasn't pretty! Other people communiate more agressively, kind of like how my kids bang their trucks around. They use words, body langauge, withholding affection, giving the silent treatement and more to get their way. Either way, when we communicate like a dump truck we end up with a big mess. Before your next fight, remember this: healthy conflict is better than quiet contempt. What about you? What have you learned about the way you communicate in relationships? ...
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Celebrating YOU On National Singles Week By: Aesha Adams Roberts Happy National Singles Week! If you've never heard of this special holiday, you're not alone. The week-long celebration was founded in the 1980s by The Buckeye Singles Council of Ohio to honor unmarried men and women and to celebrate their contributions to society. I wish I would've known about National Singles Week when I was single. I spent a lot of time being unhappily single. I remember the tears on my pillow, the heartbreak of a failed relationship & the loneliness that sunk in when I finally let go of toxic relationships and gave myself permission to just be. I remember the fears that whispered in my ear, "You'll always be alone." I remember wanting to slap the next person who asked me, "You're not married yet? Don't worry, there's somebody out there for you." I remember making stupid dating mistakes just to fill the emptiness in my heart. But I also remember getting to the place where I finally was ready for love. I know it sounds cliche, but I knew I was ready for love when I became happily single. I used to think being happily single was an oxymoron. How can you be happy to be alone if you really, really want to be in a relationship? I mistakenly thought that choosing to be happy as a single woman meant I had to give up my dreams of finding the love of my life. I finally discovered that wasn't truth. Being happily single means living your best life NOW. It means walking in your life's purpose and understanding who you were meant to be. Being happily single means embracing your life like never before, discovering geniune joy, and transforming your...
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3 Apps To Spice Up Your Love Life Aesha Adams-Roberts These days, it seems there's an app for everything! I've got apps for meal planning, making to-do lists & keeping my kids busy, to name a few. I've recently discovered that there are apps to spice up your love life! Whether you're trying to find the love of your life, you feel stuck in a date night rut, or you need fun ways to stay connected to your spouse in the midst of a busy life, these 3 apps may be your solution. Think of them as a date night in your pocket! 1) At First Sight Too busy to find love? Jaded by online dating? There's an app for that! Many popular online dating sites have developed apps that help you check in on your profile on-the-go. Those are great, but there are some hot, new apps that take online dating to another level. I spent some time exploring an app called At First Sight. It was developed by Chris Harrison, the creator of The Bachelor reality TV show. It's different from other online dating sites because users search videos instead of written profiles. I like this idea because video captures body language, intonation & eye contact in a way the written word can't. You can tell fairly quickly if you're interested in someone–no hiding behind old profile pictures! The site is still growing, so don't expect millions of users just yet, but the concept looks promising. 2) How About We (& How About We For Couples) This is an innovative dating app for singles looking for love AND couples who have already found...
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Stay Connected No Matter What: Tips For Maintaining Rewarding Relationships By: Aesha Adams-Roberts Do you ever feel like you're so busy you put your relationship last? Work. Kids. Church. Travel. The list goes on and on. My own husband and I have faced this challenge in our relationship, through deployment, pregnancies, newborns, crazy working schedules and more. We've discovered that life doesn't get any less busy. To maintain a rewarding relationship you have to be intentional about staying connected, no matter what! Here are 3 tips for busy families and couples: 1) Don't Forget The Little Things Be sure to make daily deposits into your love account. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, love notes & texts are all little things that add up! Remember: NO DEPOSIT, NO WITHDRAWAL 2) Learn To Hold Onto Each Other In The Hard Times As Dr. John Gottman says, "Most arguments are about absolutely nothing." I remember letting my anxiety about my husband's employment situation affect how we talked to each other. Even though the hiring freeze was beyond our control, I realized I could control my attitude towards it. The bottom line: don't let life drive you apart. 3) Take Advantage Of The Time That You Do Have No matter how busy you are, let your family and your significant other know that they matter to you. You can do that by creating rituals that keep you connected. For example, in our home, the family table is where we reconnect after a long day. Over dinner we ask, "So what did you do today?" We teach our kids to listen and to contribute to the conversation as well. If my husband...
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