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The #1 Reason Why You Are Pushing Him Away

By: Dr. Aesha

You know the feeling.

At first, things are amazing! Maybe you had to be convinced to give this guy a chance. He went out of his way to woo you,  calling you, texting you, pursuing you, until you finally went out with him. 

He wasn’t the kind of man you’d usually date, but you could see he had some great qualities, the kind of qualities you’d want in a husband. 

And then, it happend. He starts changing. The quirky things you do that he said he loved–snorting when you laugh, asking a bizillion questions on the phone, reaching for his hand in public, start to annoy him.   

You can feel him pulling away, but you’ve decided not to say anything. Maybe if you just change those things that make him mad, he’ll come back to you. So you don’t talk as much as you used to. You keep the conversation light and fun so you don’t cause any arguments, until one day, you can’t take it anymore and you freak out! “Where is this going? Do you still love me? Where do I stand with you?” 

He blows up at you in a way that scares you. Or maybe he completely shuts down and barely mumbles a word. What in the world has happened?

Is he pulling away…or are you pushing him away? 

Here’s the number 1 one way  to tell if you’re pushing him away. 

Check to see if you are afraid. Fear is the enemy of connection. It keep you from being vulnerable and without vulnerability, there is no intimacy. 

Maybe you’re afraid to be yourself, so you suppress who you are and just “perform” for him. You don’t want him to think you have issues and you don’t want him to leave you, so you pretend that nothing bothers you.

If you’re hiding who you really are, you have trust issues! 

Dr. John Gray put it this way: 

“If a part of you is hiding who you really are, not expressing yourself fully or trying to be like others, you cannot trust the love & appreciation you get from the people you are trying so hard to please.” 

The crazy thing is, what you suppress, your partner will express. What that means is, if you don’t express your anger or frustration, your partner will act out in crazy ways. If you repress your deepest feelings or fears, your partner may start pulling away or will shut down too. 

Dr. Gray calls this the “see-saw” effect and it can ruin relationships (or make you feel like you’re losing your mind!)

 

You’ve got to learn how to openly share your feelings without fear of rejection. Truth and love go hand-in-hand. 

If he pulls away, it’s just a sign he wasn’t the right man for you. Just be sure you’re not pushing him away.