If They’re Body Shaming Beyoncé, What Will They Say About ME?
I’ve been peeping Beyoncé and Jay Z’s On The Run II concert through hashtags on Instagram. Beyoncé is usually a controversial symbol of female pleasure and sexuality. So many sisters have felt like men only want a woman who looks like her. But to my surprise, Bey has been the victim of harsh body shaming! Comments like these are showing up on every video & pic of the concert:
“Bey looks thick. I notice she’s been wearing spanx”
“Her thighs don’t match her butt!”
“What’s that plastic under her shirt? Is that to distract you from her pregnant belly?”
“This outfit make her look like she had some work done.”
“She move like she got kids now. She looks tired.”
“I keep seeing this rounded pelvic look.”
Never mind the fact that Bey is doing a freaking WORLD tour, singing and dancing with the same energy she did 15 years ago… the body shaming just won’t stop.
It’s not just the cyber bullying that has me mad. It’s the fact that so many of my powerhouse, successful clients–women just like you–have expressed secret self-doubts about their looks and these hidden thoughts sabotage their dating success. Let’s see if you can relate to these statements:
“If I cut my hair, men won’t be interested in me. But I’ve been wearing wigs and weaves for so long my edges are getting damaged. I just can’t do it anymore!”
“My thighs are still too big. I work out 5 times per week but my man said if I lost 10 more pounds I’d be the perfect size.”
“I know men like women who look like curvy bodies. I’m from the itty-bitty-titty-committee. I’m just too skinny!”
“I don’t want a man to give me sexual attention. I want him to see me for who I am as a friend.”
“I need to lose like 40 pounds. Then can start dating.”
“I feel like I gave the best years of my life to the wrong men. Now my boobs are sagging. Who is gonna want me now.”
From the outside looking in, you’d never guess sistas are having a crisis of confidence. You’re going on dates. You’re in relationships. You’re climbing the ladder of success. Your life is poppin’!
But you’ve got intimacy inhibitions. When you’ve been exposed to body shaming and hyper sexualization from your family (ooooh, girl! Your booty is getting big. You lookin’ chunky these days. Dang, your thighs !The boys are gonna love it when you get older) society (it’s so hard to find jeans that fit black girl booty!) scrutiny on dating sites and social media, and rejection from men, it’s easy to understand why you’d afraid of letting a man really see who you are without the red bottom shoes, without the weaves, without the beat faces, and without the spanx.
And so you hide.
It’s not easy.
It’s going to take courage.
It’s going to take huge doses of unconditional self-love.
It’s going to take a squad of sistas who support you.
But I want to call you out of the shadows and into the light of unconditional self-love.
Let’s take a lesson from Beyoncé. She’s not apologizing for being seen. She’s still dancing to Feeling Myself & Flawless. She’s wearing leopard print everything and slaying on stage.
She’s owning it, whether her thighs make people uncomfortable or not.
We can too.
Let’s talk: Have you ever experienced body shaming? Tell me your story.
(photo credit: Ebony Magazine)