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The Secret to Getting Your Man To Listen To You . . .

Without Nagging, Complaining, or Screaming!

By Aesha Adams-Roberts

I recently had a conversation with a beautiful, successful, single woman who has found the man of her dreams. As we talked about what was holding her back from marrying this man, (even though he wants to marry her), one of the things she said was, “whenever I try to talk with him, I can’t find the right words. So I just scream!”

This sister is not alone.  The fact is many women struggle with communicating. Whether it’s knowing what to say when first meeting a man, knowing what to talk about on a date, or communicating your needs in such a way that a man can’t help but fulfill them, few women know the secrets to getting a man to listen. 

Knowing how to communicate with other people is a key to success in life. And without good communication skills, the happiness in a relationship will not last long. 

Sadly, most people weren’t groomed with the kind of skills that make communication easy and fun.  As a result, we often sound like 3 year olds who nag, complain, or scream when we don’t get our way.  It's no wonder many men shut down when it’s time to have a serious talk with their woman. 

Let’s talk about how to communicate with your man in such a way that he wants to listen to you.

Most women make the mistake of bringing up an important topic at the very moment they think about it. As one sister told me on Facebook:

With men, timing is everything, whereas with women, not necessarily so. We, or at least I do, if there is something he wants to talk to me about, I want to talk about it NOW!

I understand that many issues are urgent and you need to get an answer right away, sisters. But meeting your man at the door with the words “WE NEED TO TALK” after a long day at work and you both need to relax, or bringing up that hot topic while he’s watching a football game will only lead to YOUR frustration.  In fact, starting a conversation with your man with the words "we need to talk" can make him instantly shut down or get defensive

Timing IS everything.

For example, one sister wrote me saying that whenever she wants to talk to her husband about something while they are in bed, he just rolls over and goes to sleep.  She, on the other hand, is unable to sleep because she’s so angry and disappointed that he just doesn’t want to talk to her.

The issue here is most likely the timing is wrong.  Most men have the ability to only think about one thing at a time. If he’s in the bed, he’s probably not thinking to himself, “I just want to get home and have an intense conversation with my wife!”  And if he’s in the bed, he’s especially not thinking about resolving a conflict—unless of course, you’ve had some fun first!

A sister on Facebook agreed and said:

Wait until after he's satisfied . . never bring up serious concerns before being intimate. Men aren't thinking about anything else and will not hear what's being said. I was taught to wait til after; then they are all ears and want to do whatever to make you happy! 🙂

The bottom line is if you want his undivided attention, you need to give him time to prepare for the discussion.  For example, set up a special date night where you’ll talk about your most pressing concerns over a nice dinner. Let him know you’d like to talk about something that’s important to both of you and let him know what it is so he can gather his thoughts about it in advance.  Putting him on the spot may make him anxious, defensive, or embarrassed if he hadn’t been thinking about the issue at all.  Or, like one guy said on Facebook, wait until the weekend. A sister agreed and said she and her husband have their best talks on the weekend “when the kids are still asleep, we are well rested, over a cup of coffee. That way we can be totally focused on each other and what both of us are saying.”

Sisters, it is possible to communicate with your man in such a way that brings about mutual understanding.  If you want more sexy secrets to getting your man to listen to you, I recommend you grab a copy of the eBook, What Men Think About Love and Marriage. You’ll hear straight from the men—no fluff or hype—the things women accidentally do to make a man shut down and what you can do to get him to open up.

Put these secrets into practice today . . . and please write me and tell me what happens!