Tired of Kissing Frogs? Here's Some Wisdom From Your Tell-it-Like-it-is Godmother
By: Aesha Adams Roberts
I'm sure you've heard the cliche, "if you want to find your Prince charming, you gotta kiss a few frogs." Well, I'm here as your Fairy Godmother and I'm going to tell it like it is: You don't want to take your dating advice from Disney! (By the way, did you know the original Frog-Prince tale by the Grimm brothers doesn't involve kissing at all? The princess breaks the curse throws the frog against the wall in frustration. How's that for a romantic fairy tale?!)
I've kissed a few frogs in my dating life and even prayed they'd change. I kept on kissing them even though they eventually TOLD me they were frogs and would always be frogs. "I'm sorry I can't be the man you need me to be," one said. And another time, he said, "Sometimes, I feel like I don't ever want to get married. Or have any more kids." That's a frog who was content in the swamp, hopping from lillypad to lilypad, when I was ready to commit and build a life with my prince. After some heartbreak, I told myself the truth and decided not to kiss him any more.
Guys do it too. In their search for the woman of their dreams, many men take on a Knight in Shining Armor role and are attracting to the Damsel in Distress. I've coached some of these Hero wannabee's. One man fell for a married woman with two sons. She eventually left her husband and the romance was great . . . until he brought up marriage. She abandoned him and broke his heart. He felt that if he showed her he loved her, she'd come back to him. I helped him see that he couldn't slay her dragons for her. He had such poor self-worth that he didn't feel worthy of love unless he was trying to save someone!
Besides revealing problems with self-image and esteem, a fairy tale approach to dating shows that you believe love will change someone. Love doesn't try to change a person. Love accepts a person for who they are and believes in the person they are becoming (IF they choose to change). Love is patient, kind, and longsuffering, so that even if the person NEVER changes, you'll still love them. Love covers a multitude of faults. Love doesn't hope someone will change just because you date them or marry them.
The bottom line is, if you want to find a prince, you've got to leave the swamp! No more kissing frogs.