Top 4 Reasons Men Are Afraid Of Commitment
By: Aesha Adams-Roberts
Have you seen the hot new reality TV show, Preachers of LA? If so, you've seen the on again, off again relationship between Bishop Noel Jones and Loretta who have been "friends" for 16 years. Yes, that's right, for 16 years, Loretta has been praying, talking and fighting for Bishop Jones to marry her. Whenever she asks him to define the relationship, he always says they're "friends." When she confidently asserts they're moving toward marriage, he pretends he doesn't know what she's talking about. And when the other men on the show ask him when he's going to marry Loretta, he looks like he wants to run away screaming!
Loretta finally confronts him about his "commitment phobia" and demands he gets to the bottom of it. He goes to see a therapist who reveals some root issues of his fear of commitment and advises him to go on a "NO CONTACT" break from Loretta. Loretta is floored when she hears Bishop Jones tell her he's taking a break to figure out what's best for him, and not for them!
If you plan to catch up on the first season, I won't tell you what happens next (girl, you won't believe it!) but their entire situation reminds me of some of the emails I get from women who wonder why their boyfriend won't put a ring on it! Why won't he seal the deal and take the relationship from casual to committed?
In my conversations with guys who are looking for a serious relationship, I've discovered 4 top reasons why men are afraid of commitment:
1) He's afraid of making the wrong decision
2) He hasn't gotten over the last person who broke his heart
3) He's not ready for love
4) He thinks he "might" be able to find someone he likes better
Really, the issue isn't with you, sistas. It's all about what's going on in his head and heart. You can be the best girlfriend–nurturing, attentive, loving, supportive–but if in his heart he's struggling with any of these issues, it won't matter what is going on in his head. He may know logically that you're a great catch, but in his heart is great turmoil. When the head and heart conflict, the heart always wins!
Some of the reasons men fear commitment can be overcome with patience; other times you may need to create a little distance in the relationship so he realizes what he'll miss if he doesn't commit to you.
However, if you continually pick guys who are emotionally unavailable, and, like Loretta, you're willing to wait 16 years to see if he'll come around, I'd be more concerned about your commitment issues. You deserve better!
Question: What's your greatest challenge when it comes to dating men who are afraid of commitment? Tell me below!