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What Do You Do If There’s No Chemistry On A Date?

 By: Dr. Aesha

“Go out with someone four times before you decide the person is not for you. I don’t believe in first impressions.”

~Anne Teachworth

I agree Ms. Teachworth: First impressions are overrated. 

Let me tell you why.

When I first saw my husband, everything about him screamed “I am a confident, ALPHA male.” However, when he asked me out on our first real date, all of that went out the door. We look back and laugh about it now, but it was a really awkward moment. 

I’d invited Roy to spend Thanksgiving dinner with my family and he accepted even though he’d purchased tickets to Atlanta over a year ago, to spend the holidays with his friends. Something told him not to go, he told me once we’d started dating. 

He fit right in with my large, loud family and hung around until late that evening. There was this awkward silence as I tried to walk him to the door to say goodbye, because he wasn’t really moving toward the door. He was just standing there. 

Suddenly, his eyes widened, his body stiffened, and he blurted out: “You feel like going out?”

I was so floored that it took me a minute to answer. It seemed like an eternity passed before I squealed, “YES!”

I think we both let out a sigh of relief and then. . . more awkwardness as we tried to figure out where we should go for our first date. 

The entire date was awkward, including the moment he walked me back to my parents’ front door. But 11 months later, we were married. 

Question: Are you judging and dismissing your dates because they don’t appear confident? Do you say things like, there just wasn’t any chemistry between us? 

I’d like to encourage you, like I encourage my matchmaking and coaching clients, to replace first impressions with second glances. If there’s absolutely NO attraction, that’s fine.

But if it’s just a matter of need to feel some spark or requiring the “wow factor” before you’ll think of a second date, I want to let you in on a big secret:

Chemistry is not an all-or-nothing, black-or-white thing.

I’m sure you can think of times when you had off the charts chemistry with someone and then your relationship fizzled out fast! 

I’m sure you can also think of couples you know who

1) didn’t like each other when they first met

2) had no chemistry when they first met

3) didn’t find each other attractive when they first met

However, somewhere between “hello” and “I do” they made a connection, fell in love and are now happy together!

The bottom line is chemistry does not equal compatibility. It’s a great feeling but it’s not necessary to fall in love!

What do you think? Will you give a person another chance if there’s no chemistry?