Why Are Men Intimidated By Smart, Successful, Strong Women?

by Dr. Aesha on October 17, 2011

 
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Why Are Men Intimidated By Smart, Successful, Strong Women?
 
By Aesha Adams-Roberts
 
Are you dating anyone, she asked?
 
No.  I said it quickly, with a matter-of-fact tone because I didn't want to talk about it.  It obviously didn't work.
 
Why not, she asked?  
 
I don't know! I almost yelled in exasperation.  I think maybe men are intimidated by me. 
 
I had this conversation with a successful businesswoman several years ago.  As a PhD student working on my dissertation on women pastors, I had invited her to lunch so I could interview her about her role as a pastor and how that impacted her life and marriage. Instead, she wanted to know about my love life.
 
We came to the conclusion that the men I was meeting must have been intimidated by the fact that I was in my 20s about to get a PhD.  This generation of men must not know how to handle a strong, smart, successful woman, we reasoned. 
 
I wasn't the only single woman who thinks this way.  As a matter of fact, there are many married women who think this way and end up believing that their husband just doesn't support their dreams.   
 
Case in point.  
 
I recently talked with a single woman who yelled out in frustration (okay, she actually wrote it, but the tone made me feel like she was yelling):  
 
"Meeting men is not a problem; it is meeting a man that is not intimidated by a woman's success or a woman's aggressiveness.  Instead of running away from a woman who knows what she wants out of life and has aspirations, why can't a man learn to complement her success and strive to be better?"
 
In my response to her, I told her that I used to think the same way until I figured out that I needed to learn some people skills so that my dream man could see for himself what kind of woman I was, and so that I would become so irresistible that he felt like he needed me in his life.
 
Let me break it down a bit further.  Most good men are not intimidated by a woman's smarts, strength, or success.  In fact, he finds those things attractive. What he doesn't find attractive is the feeling that he isn't understood, accepted, or supported.  In other words, the problem isn't what a woman knows that bothers a man. It's what she doesn't know–she doesn't know what he wants!  
 
Being overly agressive, opinionated, and always in charge may work in the boardroom . . . but not in the bedroom.  Please hear me–I am not saying you need to quit your careers, hide your accomplishments, or silence your opinions just to get a man. What I am saying is that the tactics you may be using to get ahead in your career don't always translate to a successful relationship. Why? Because you're not giving a man what he wants!  
 
Most sisters I talk to resist this very simple concept of learning to give a man what he wants.  In fact, one sister told me, "it isn't what we need to learn, it's what men need to realize!"  But it's that very thinking that keeps smart, successful, strong women single (and smart, successful, strong married women miserable!) Focusing too much on changing men instead of giving them the basic things they want will never get you what you want–a happy, healthy, blissful relationship!
 
If you've ever wondered, "why am I still single?"  or you want to know how to get your man to support you in whatever you do, you'll want to figure out how men think and what men want and then give it him!  It's quite an art form, but any woman can learn it.  I've done the hard part for you by uncovering what men want in the eBook What Men Think About Love and Marriage. The rest is up to you! I know you can do this!
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