My inbox has been flooded recently with your questions:
“Why do I freeze up like a deer in headlights when a man approaches me? I can talk with men everyday at work, but when it’s someone who is attractive, I get really self-conscious!”
“Should I take down my profile now? We’ve had two great dates, and I don’t want him thinking that I’m not interested in him.”
“He said he wants to cook dinner for me in my house. We met online and it’s only been 4 dates. What do I say? I don’t feel comfortable, but he seems really genuine.”
“I’m hesitant to get back online because the last guy I met there disappeared without so much as a phone call after we were together for 9 months!”
“We’ve been dating for over a year. He wants to get married, but I’m not so sure. I don’t want to lose myself, but I also don’t want to lose him!”
“I’m ready to date again, but I have no clue what to do. Where do I meet men?”
“No one approaches me. I feel so invisible to men! What’s wrong with me?”
I know you’ve read all the books, gone to all the seminars, hired a coach, or worked with a therapist, yet you still feel like you’re making bad choices with men. And you wondering, “What am I doing wrong?”
If that’s you, I understand, and I’m here to help.
Here’s the truth: Sometimes, the problem isn’t you. It’s men. (Makes you feel better, doesn’t it?)
But when it IS you, the reason why you aren’t getting the results you want is because you’re asking the wrong questions and you end up working harder on the wrong solutions.
You’re trying to figure out what men want. You go out to lounges instead of clubs so you stop attracting damaged, insecure or emotionally unavailable men. You take 3 days to respond to a text because you don’t want to say the wrong thing. You work on being more “open” (whatever that means), and still, nothing changes.
Here’s the answer: The reason you’re still making bad choices with men is because you don’t trust yourself.
You’ve made the wrong decisions in the past and it brought you pain. You don’t want to waste your time, get your heart broken, or feel rejected.
I get it, sis. I’ve been there, done that and got the T-Shirt for it!
I said “Yes” to a marriage proposal and a few weeks later, the relationship fell apart and he asked for the ring back. I got stuck in an on-again, off-again relationship with him for years.
After two years of being single, my next relationship was with a guy who professed his undying love for me after 3 weeks and claimed me as his wife. After we slept together, he said he didn’t think he’d ever want to get married and dumped me. I discovered he was cheating on me the whole time.
When I met the man I would marry two years later, I was terrified that I’d make another mistake and my dreams would turn into a nightmare. I wrote about in my journal (here’s an excerpt from it):
“I’m still nervous about him for a couple of reasons: 1) My track record isn’t too hot when it comes to choosing men. I get a lot of wolves in sheep’s clothing. 2) When I would let my guard down and trust someone that’s when something bad would happen. I don’t want to be disappointed again. 3) I’m not sure how he feels. I don’t want to assume anything. He’s called me “friend” and I don’t know what that means. Is it buddy? Girlfriend? Friend-friend? But, there’s possibility here and room for growth.
. . . I just thought of something. My thoughts of him sometimes get entangled in negative thoughts about men in my past–I still have memories. Maybe unconsciously I’m associating him with those issues.”
Can you relate?
I discovered some simple secrets that helped me trust myself again, and as a result, I married my husband 11 months after we met. We’ve been married for 10 years!
Here’s what I know. If you don’t immediately get to the root of this problem, you’ll become so paralyzed by your previous decision-making that you’ll give up on the idea that you can have love.
I want to help you,with that, Roy, so you can have the love, security and confidence that comes from a long-term relationship. So I put together a no-cost workshop that I’m hosting LIVE on Facebook on Monday, March 13th at 9:00 PM EST.
It’s free to attend, but if you’d like to get the worksheet and other perks I’m sending out via email, you’ll want to register by going to http://SingleToCommitted.com
You know that feeling you have in the pit of your stomach that you’ll never get this love thing figured out and you’ll end up alone? I promise, that will melt away as you listen to the first few minutes of this training. You’ll walk away feeling empowering, equipped and in control of your future.
So mark your calendar and make any changes you need to make in your schedule so you don’t miss this!
See you soon,