When Kate Middleton decided to take out the words "to honor and obey" in her wedding vows, it caused a slight stir, mostly because Royal weddings are about tradition, pomp, and circumstance. The fact is, however, that many women have replaced a promise to "obey" their husbands with vows to honor and respect him. Most modern men would rather have a wife who is an equal partner with them instead of a dependent who must obey them (at least that's what the men shared with me in the eBook What Men Think About Love And Marriage).
The fact is many couples have decided to change the more traditional wedding vows to reflect who they are as individuals and what they want their marriage to look like. I'm all for these types of changes.
But there is one growing trend that frightens me.
I recently heard of a wedding where a couple vowed to stay together "until our love fades." Sunsets fade. Paint fades. Fashion trends fade. But should commitment between a husband and a wife fade? According to a Fox News article, more and more couples are replacing "til death do us part" with phrases like “For as long as we continue to love each other," "For as long as our love shall last" and "Until our time together is over."
I understand that this generation has witnessed bad marriages and horrible divorces that have caused them to be cynical of a vow to stay together forever. But it's this sister's opinion that only vowing to commit until love fades is no commitment at all.
Vowing to stay together for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part, is only one part of the equation for a happy, blissful marriage. Doing what it takes to honor those vows is the important part.
As Doug Larsen said: “More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.”
What do you think? Is vowing to stay together until "love fades" just being realistic or is it a lack of commitment? Please share in a comment box below!
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As a wife of 9 years I am here to tell you there will be moments when your love fades but; that is when you and your partner find out what you are made of. Marriage and the commitment of marriage is not all bliss it is work and it takes dedication and a strong commitment to get through. I think replacing "till death do us part" is no commitment because it gives a safe way out to say till our love fades. Marriage is not all about love it is also about respect and commitment and that is only tested when things are less than blissful.
Thanks for sharing Crystal! I agree with you–respect and commitment are key ingredients for a blissful marriage.
They are talking about the "feelings" of love. Committed love is not a feeling (although you can feel love); it is a choice. Sometimes you have to choose to love someone when they tick you off (and vice versa). If you go into an agreement with an escape plan, you'll use it someday. I am glad Alpha Hubby loves me when I'm "perfect" AND in my uglies. He loves me when he doesn't feel love. He loves me because he made a committment before and to God. That committment means we can fight and that fighting doesn't mean "Uh oh, we're splitting up." No, it means, "OK let's figure out how we solve our differences because we're in this for the long haul." GREAT post! There is great security in that committment.
Nan, I appreciate how you described that commitment gives security that an escape plan doesn’t. It seems to me that people who have a built in escape plan are trying to create a false security, but as you say, you have to choose to stay in love! P.S. It’s ok
p.s. I linked to your article in my current post if that's OK!
Granted I'm pretty young and what the hell do I know, right? But I contend that love does not fade. Love is an action, not a feeling. It's something you <i>do</i>. How in the hell can that fade?
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